Friend Zone (Been There, Felt that)

Hey Readers,

This topic is very close to my heart, because I have been through this, and I am certainly not proud of it. But I feel that most guys and surprisingly girls too go through this phase of being Friend Zoned. No, it is not a great feeling when you are told, that you are nothing more than a friend. Let me tell you a short story to depict how it feels.

I love you but only as a friend. Ever heard this? Ever said this? Well, if you have heard it, I feel sorry for you and if you have said this, Hello Losers, yes, you are the real losers and not the people in the Friendzone. This article is for you all to realize how it really feels and what kind of idiots you people are.

So a boy I knew was friends with a classmate of his. They had an instant connection that both of them did not notice when it happened. But, neither took a step towards love, and they were good friends. They talked to eachother all day, they would steal glances of eachother in class, when they walked in the hallway and when they would see eachother on the way to school too. Immaturity got the best of them, because either was not understanding that what this was meant to be. Sooner or later, the guy became mature and realized that this friendship was something more. It felt right, not just because they knew eachother so well, but because, the bond they had would be enough for a lifetime. He decided to talk to the girl about what he felt. This was not something special, but rather casual since that's how their conversations were. The level of comfort the two had was more than any couple could have. He told her he had been thinking about this and wanted to know if she felt the same way too. Now, was this true that the next two minutes of his life would be recorded and played by his heart again and again? Yes. It was. The girl blatantly just replied that she was just not into him. She had only seen him as a friend. She loved him, but she didn't love him (Whatever that meant).

He could not just give up on a sure thing, right? I always felt that they were meant for eachother. They would fight, argue, swear at eachother, but would never let go off each other for any reason in that case. I was surprised myself with the girl's reaction. I might sound like a stereotype now, but I have had girl friends call me and let go off tears because all they have wanted is something serious or a commitment, and all they got was heartbreaks and betrayal. But why is it that when they do get it, they choose to run away from it? The spark is missing? Agreed that the spark is missing, but do you really think any relationship you are going to have is bound to have the spark always? Are you looking for a spark? Think about how it feels when you meet this friend. Think about the times you have spent laughing with them, think about the times they have had your back when you needed them. If reliability, trust and love is not what sparks you, I don't know what will. If it's lust you are looking for, go ahead and let go off your friend because they honestly deserve someone better.

I am all in for a relationship where there is understanding, where you know no matter what, you can handle being tortured and irritated by someone, yet would not be able to find a replacement for them. That's who you should realize is what you are looking for.

The next flaw, I think I have found in most people these days, is calling your friend a perfect package. No, do not do that. That brings their hopes up and you know who they would want to date the very next minute? You. Any person who thinks you are perfect is going to be someone you would want to be with. It is not going to help if you tell someone, that their girlfriend/boyfriend is one lucky person, or they would be the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend and then tell them, that it is not going to be you they can be with. You are not just playing with their emotions, but you are going to bring wrath onto yourself, by saying things like that and bringing drama into the relationship.

A friendship like that is different from a relationship in only one way, which is that it is not platonic. Someone once told me, if you think you have found a friend for life, you have found a person who you genuinely love, who you think is as crazy as you. Now, would you want to spend your life with someone you think can understand you at a level, no one else can, or would you want to spend your life with someone you needs the rest of the lifetime figuring you out and tries to make you happy with superficial things? God bless you if you want the latter.

Find love in people you have a lot in common with. Be bold in making your decisions. Before you friendzone someone, just think about how it might affect your friendship with them. Let me tell you something first hand, if one person in a friendship has feelings for the other, the whole concept of a friendship between them is flawed. They are going to do all the things they can to please you, while you enjoy it, and then you are going to find someone else, date them, break up with them, and come back to this very friend of yours when you need a shoulder to cry on. Do you want to that person? Think about it. I can wait.

Thought about it? Good. Hope you are taking the right decision. Last, but not the least, please don't talk like someone who has principles where once a friend is always a friend. Only if you have feelings for someone the minute you meet them, you can date them. Don't be that person. It is not going to help you in the long run. Maybe if you are looking for an arranged marriage, this option looks solid, but even then, I would want you to get to know the person. Attraction is good, but at the expense of having to deal with loads of unwanted drama for the rest of your life? No. Find someone you are compatible with, and lead a comfortable, stress free relationship.

Kudos :)

The Perfect Partner

Hey Readers,

How are you doing? I am back with a very interesting topic (for some of you!) that I believe you might want to read. Few hours back, I spoke to a few people asking them how they would describe their perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. I got many different answers. Some extremely unique and some that most people look for. But one thing I noticed was everyone wanted loyalty. Kudos to that!

This experiment that I conducted for my “Research” was mainly to write this blog post. Now for anyone who is reading this, and I did not ask them, please stop reading right here and think of a few points that would contribute to your idea on the perfect girl/boyfriend. Go ahead. Do not think for a second that you do not know the answer to that. Everyone wants a partner in their life and you are not normal, if you cannot define what you look for in a person you would eventually want to marry.

Okay, now that you have thought about those points, let me tell you something. I am again dividing this into two group of readers. One who have experience in their past with relationships and the other who don’t (Fast forward to the next paragraph). For the ones who have had an experience, when you were plotting your points for the Ideal Partner, you must be thinking about someone in your head, when you said all those points. If you were negatively impacted by the person in a relationship, hit them a text or a call thanking them for making you realize what you wanted from your partner, because they have practically helped you. And if you were positively impacted by that person, and still they match the description you have, hit them a text or call them, do not hesitate when I say this, because love is a feeling, but a relationship does not work, unless you believe that they are right for you. If even for a second you thought of this person when you were describing your ideal partner, hold on to them. Do not let them go. Once bitten, twice shy.

For the readers, who do not have any experience in their past with relationship, you have set goals about what you look for in a person. Yes, I am calling them goals, because it is not easy to find love, not in the way our life works right now. But my recommendation would be to find someone who not only matches these points, but also someone who you genuinely believe is right for you. Chase the relationship, not the spark, because the spark is short lived, and you are left with the relationship. But if you chase the relationship, the spark can be kindled anytime you want. A lot of people make the grave mistake of chasing the spark and ultimately falling in a trap called their so-called relationship. You have your list of wants prepared. Just make sure, when you do meet someone who checks at least 90% of your list, you are going to try hard to make it work. This isn’t the movies, where the world unites you. You live in a country where it isn’t easy to maintain a relationship. So, try hard and don’t let go easy, because that is what counts. 

And there is more from where that came from. Stay tuned Folks :)

Why I think Unconditional Love doesn't Exist

Hey Readers,

Hope you are doing great in life. I have been having some of the best time of my life. I got to say that I have been having downs personally, but all in all, it's been a good ride so far. I have wanted to talk to you about some thoughts I have been having about how I think Unconditional Love like we say, doesn't really exist. Maybe some of you who have been through crap in your life will agree with me at the very first instance, but for the rest, patiently read through the article and you might realize why.

Unconditional Love, according to me is when you do not have any conditions with how you are going to love someone. Us humans, are genetically not capable of creating that emotion. We cannot love someone unconditionally. Alright, some of you might compare the love you have for your parents and say it is unconditional. Well, I am going to say no to that. Parents are two people who will always be dear to us and we will love them, but it is not unconditional. Conditions are presented in your mind by itself, but if the conditions are fulfilled without an argument, you are never going to realize that your love was conditional. Your need to be satisfied is always going to be present. And the day that need is not satisfied, you are going to look for other options. 

Yes, everyone at one point looks for other options only because you want your conditions to be satisfied. The reason most relationships do not work are because we are so stuck up with wanting to be satisfied completely, we let go off people who could have potentially been the best girlfriend/boyfriend. You are going to have some conditions that are left unfulfilled. You are going to be put in situations where you will need to go out of your way and act on someone's condition. It will feel like an unsaid order. But a relationship in the end is all about giving and not expecting in return (Giving and Taking). So if your heart wants you to take a risk for someone, hold on to that person because not a lot of people will give your heart the strength to take a risk. 

Remember one thing carefully guys. When you think you have found someone who is worthy of being the one. Just realize what kind of conditions you have, understand who you are and what you are looking for in your partner, and if there is a situation where your condition is not complete, choose to follow the partner and don't let this condition get the best of your relationship. It is hard to find someone who you connect with in this world now. Follow love and not the condition. Let go off your fears and love will find it's way.

Why I think Insecurities are tough to handle

Hi Readers,

So I am back to reading and writing this week, as it takes my mind off things. I am sure all of you have a few things you do, when you don't want to think about what is happening with your life. But I am at a disadvantage there because reading something makes you relate your life to it, and writing something reminds you of everything that has happened in your life.

But as long as it is enthralling for you guys, I plan on doing it.
So, I have had the "pleasure" of having to feel insecure from time to time in a relationship. And no, I am talking about the kind of Insecurity where a guy feels bad for having 4 pack abs rather than a 6 pack abs. I am talking about an insecurity which someone like me would feel, where the guy has one pack of fat (Tummy) and he calls it with a name (I am just kidding! Please don't judge me.)

I was a very insecure person. I somehow managed to bring focus to my flaws and make myself feel vulnerable. And I had this weird thing, that even if I like someone slightly, and I see her talking to another guy, I decide that he is better than me. Even if he is a midget, with broken teeth and looks like a drug addict, I would want to be like him. No, this is not something I am asking you guys to do. This is a guide to who not to be in life (Me!).
But when such insecurities hit you in a relationship, it makes you suffer and start feeling needy. You constantly get the fear of being dumped soon, or either feel that you might get cheated on. And trust me guys, the feeling is not good. It did bring me to a low, because it was affecting my professional and personal life.

I am not saying that only teenagers go through this. Every single woman, man, boy or girl go through this in their day to day life. Be it a relationship, or work, or friendship. You are going to feel insecure at one point. It is not wrong to feel insecure, but it is wrong to let it ruin things for you and the other person. If you are someone who has never felt insecure in your life about anything and are rock solid that you are the best at everything that you do, I can only salute to you and say "Right on, Matey". For the others, here is where I start getting all philosophical and bore you with what you got to do in a situation of insecurity.

If you are feeling insecure, talk to someone you trust. Let them know how you are feeling. If it is in a relationship, that you feel insecure, talk to your bf/gf. Be open with them, but do not for once let them feel that it's a desperate attempt or cry for attention. You need to accept for once that you are feeling insecure that you might lose the other person. And let them know that it would genuinely help, if they did something to help you feel secure about what you have.  In my case, it did take me a while, but I finally got over my insecurities and was able to focus on the positive aspects of my life. And it made me a stronger person with each day passing. All you got to do is remember that no one is perfect. Even the best of the best are going to feel that there is someone better than them. Use your insecurity to your advantage and better yourself to be the best version of you!

Are You A Liar?

Hi Everyone!

This article is going to be a little heartfelt because lately I have been going through a lot in life. There are so many changes happening and I guess I have been too busy to even figure out the solutions or the ways to adapt to these changes.

The reason I am calling this article “Are you a Liar?” is because I have been called a liar. Sometimes it’s right, sometimes it’s for absurd reasons which are no way related to me but ignoring those instances. I am here to talk about the right situations. Every one of us has fallen in love atleast once in our lives, if you are saying you have not, get a life and stop lying. That’s lie number one. Everyone has always wanted to do something about our feelings, either to get rid of them or to express those feelings to someone, if you are saying you have not, that’s lie number two. I have been in love, not once or twice, but many a times. I am not ashamed of it. I learnt it the hard way that if you are full of love to give, you are always going to keep falling in love with someone or the other. I don’t think of it as a bane, because it gives me an opportunity to meet new people, get to know about them. I have had my experiences in the past, and sadly, it didn’t work out as planned. To anyone reading this, if you are one of them, it was special to me. Each person who has been a part of my life, has always left a positive impact and I plan on keeping it that way. There was this one special person who left a negative impact, not because she was bad, but because she was too good. That has made me weak. Let the suspense continue!

Have you ever lied to put a smile on someone’s face? Have you ever lied to make sure that you are not hurting someone in the process? Have you ever lied because you know the truth can be too bitter to handle? I am someone who genuinely believes that a lie is a statement you say to either find an escape route or find a way to make your day or someone else’s day. And my lie is making someone happy, I wouldn’t mind being a liar. There are a lot of people in the world who are a very important part of my life, and if my lying is going to make them smile, I would lie all my life. And I think you all should to. Just make sure the lie doesn’t go to an extent, that you are judged for it, because that is one major obstacle you would have to deal with in your life. Ask me. I have been there and done that.

Look back and think about the time you have lied to yourself if not to someone else. And just pat your back for it, don’t stress upon it. Its good to lie every now and then. Just make sure you are spreading happiness and not sorrow. Kudos :)

Texting Your Crush

Hi Readers,

Been a while since I posted something. I have missed writing. Been a tough time with life. Ups and downs like everyone goes through. But the good news is, I have been kicked around before, and I have always come back stronger, and this time is no different. I feel like a different, better person. Thanks to maybe AR Rahman, for coming up with the song “Kun Faya Kun” which has always made me relieved during my darkest days. Happy birthday Maestro!

 

Today I am going to write about something that I did come across recently. Texting your Crush.

The minute someone brings this topic, it hits us like a nostalgia pill. Everyone by now must have had their first conversation with their crush. If someone has not yet got the chance, hang in there, buddy. Everyone has their day and you might just have it soon.

Texting your crush can have multiple effects on your life, because it is like a black box, where you have no clue of what input you give, and what the output might be. It can boost your confidence if it ends on a positive, or get you to a phase of self loathe if it goes downhill. My first advice would be to not send random desperate messages on Instagram or Facebook. If you do think, someone is handsome/pretty, just say hi, introduce yourself and present yourself through one message. Never say that you want someone to be their friend. And if you are doing this to a total stranger, think twice before doing it, only because, not everyone likes meeting strangers on social media, especially strangers who blurt out stuff like ‘I want to be your friend’, or ‘I think I am in love with you’. Type in your message and put yourself in their shoes and read the same message, I know, sounds crazy, so don’t do it. It’s a tough world out there. By doing this, you will seem like a lesser creep that someone might think that you are (No offense)! I did get to text a junior of mine who used to be my crush back in school. I didn’t have any idea of what she liked, what she did, or where she was. I did see her around in school and would find any chance of seeing her maybe in the corridor or out on the school ground. But never did I get to talk to her, neither did she ever try (Clearly way out of my league), so trust me, I have been there, and I have done that. But now, I have realised there are no pick-up lines, just one, say Hi and introduce yourself. Everyone likes a person with who they can have a conversation, and not just everything else (pun intended). I somehow picked up the courage of texting her, getting to know a little about her, and that way, a crush can slowly get serious. But unfortunately, the more I got to know her, I realised that the feelings I had for her, were again just an infatuation (Teenage hitting me hard!). I ended up just talking to her every now and then, just saying hi and bye. But the bright side was, my first conversation with a long-time crush went well. 

I hope you guys don’t hesitate to talk to your crush, but also at the same time, work on trying to look less scary! Kudos!