Know When To Give Up!

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are doing well. I have been away for quite a while and my life has progressed so much from my last post. I am officially done with my master’s degree (Woot Woot!) and I am in the stage of starting my career again hopefully in the UK. Choosing this degree was a stupid choice but I don’t have any regrets because it was a challenge that I enjoyed attempting.

I am writing about a topic that is so close to my heart and a topic that I feel a lot of my readers can relate to. I want to talk about all the things that we attempt or pursue in life and how ambitious we are about getting past the finish line. Do we need to know when we should give up if we fail? If yes, how do we decide that? Is it our decision? Is it something our friends and family guide us with? Let’s talk this out.

I have had my share of bad decisions in life. It started from school, went into college, then with my career and most importantly my choice of friends and relationships. I have tried holding onto the wrong choices for a very long time not realizing that it was toxic in nature and how it affected not just me but also the people around me. I have been losing people all my life and yet I always blamed myself for them leaving. When I look back at those moments in life, I don’t regret losing them, because it has made my life better, made me stronger, made me realize that life isn’t about who leaves but it is about who stays! I am sure a lot of people will say the same about me as well. I might not have been there for someone who considered me close, or I would have left their life. I would love it if they confronted me about it and made me realize what I did. If someone does value the fact that I am a part of their life, I wouldn’t want to leave them.

Recently, a friend of mine was in a toxic relationship. One where the abuse was emotional, mental, and verbal. But for some reason, the relationship kept going on. Everyone around my friend would voice out their opinions that this is not good, and the right decision would be to end it or just give up in the belief or hope that things will get better. But it kept going without any improvement in the outcome. This is not just being stubborn, but it is about being naïve enough to not know when to give up! As much as we want things in our life the way we want them, we have got to let go when it is the right time. I was personally in a relationship where I questioned myself so much about my background, about my family, about how I could become the next ambani in life to impress my girl. But after the relationship ended, my heart gave way for my mind to work, and it showed me that I ignored so many red flags and warnings from everyone around me. I cannot blame anyone but me for what I went through, and it has damaged me for life.

I tend to cling myself onto people I am usually with in person which I agree is not a great thing to do and I am not proud of it. But when I felt lonely here in the UK, I used to think that I have friends back home. Friends I can count on, no matter what. But lately, I have come to realize that, at some point, “Always” comes with conditions attached. I kept holding on to the thought of friends for life, but little did I know that I would need to give up on that too. I have been arguing with people who say “family stays, friends don’t” because I honestly believed that friends are more supportive of us, and they give two shits about our wellbeing. But I guess I was wrong about that. All that we can do is play our part. Give up, but not too soon! Know when to give up!

Guide people around you when you see that they are stuck, stuck trying to achieve something that is not possible. Help your loved ones by being there for them when they are lost, when you know that they need you, no matter how hard it may be, be a critic in their life. Be their enemy who gives them critical comments on their decisions. It will bring them on the right path. I am known to be harsh with my loved ones. Some say I am a bully as well because I ask people to make decisions based on the advice, I give them. But little does everyone understand that my advice is usually focused on the best for the other person. I am not someone who focuses on sugar-coating tough statements. I am blunt about the stuff I believe in, and it tends to create an impression. But someone who really understands me sticks around, and if they don’t, well, I will give up!

I hope you all can relate to what I am saying!

This is me signing off!

Regards,

Aditya.

Love That You Want But Can't Get

 

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are all doing well. It has been a while since I wrote a blog post. Life has taken a big turn in terms of where I was when I wrote my last blog post and where I am today. As I write this, I can only take a deep breath of relief as I am officially done with my first term of Uni in the United Kingdom. Feels good saying that since it has been a rollercoaster ride, nonetheless.

I was wondering what I could write about since this blog predominantly focuses on how it feels to be a teenager. Well, today I will write about something that turns us all into teenagers (Immature ones sometimes) – Love that we want but know that it will never work in our favor. This is a special one. A blast from the past.

Sounds scary but is such a beautiful feeling. I still remember the first night I met her. I didn’t have a clue about who she was, how she looked, how she would be. But I can only thank my stars that I met her that night. It was not for long, but a brief meeting that would trigger the beginning of a story that does not end well (Sorry for spoiling it so early in the story).

We talked and talked for hours, spent time getting to know about our past, our lives, our present and about what we wanted in our future. Every little thing she said made me feel closer to her, made me want her more and more. I didn’t know what this was since I had told myself that I would not date anyone after having been burnt bad in the past. I wanted to focus on my career, and I didn’t want to be hooked to someone. I kept trying to fight this feeling away, but it had become a seed in my heart, and I could not help but get attached to her.

If I was going against what I had planned, and pursuing this girl, I had to know where this was headed. I wanted to be in a committed relationship, and I had to assess if this would work long time. There were so many factors that I could think of, to tell myself that this even if she said she liked me would not work. Being an Indian, I could not help but think of how society would react to a situation like this, how my family would react to situation like this, and obviously how her family would react (Too early to be thinking of all that, but still had to).

I decided to give it a shot even though it was headed to a heartbreak for me. Why did I think it wont work? Well, I am and have always been an overthinker and I for some reason love making my life more difficult. I think it was an add on with my insecurities in life. I always thought I had too many imperfections in me. It does not help when you constantly see successful and good-looking people around you. And these kind off issues aren’t something you learn to live with, because it has dragged me down from my true potential. So, I tried my luck and like I guess, too many factors that were in the way. It broke my heart to think that it would never work because I was sure that I would be the right guy for her. She had been through so much in life and she deserved a man who loved her for her, someone who could take her to the light at the end of the tunnel. Someone who looks at her with awe in the morning, and someone who treated her like a queen. I was sure that I could be that man, but it disappointed me to know that there were factors that stopped her. I was not surprised though, since I always kept telling myself that this is not happening. I really need to work on my confidence levels. But one thing I learnt was, I would do anything for her. Call me crazy, but the love you get when you fall hard for someone is blissful. You feel happy that you were able to find so genuine in your life and you cherish every moment you have spent with them.

Now this was a situation, my heart kept asking me to come up with a solution for. She knew I liked or loved her. She knew that I was getting attached. The fact that I was getting devoted to the idea of a life with her scared her. It made her think if she should take a step back. I don’t blame her but boy, did that make me feel like a total loner.

There are days when we feel so vulnerable about our lives that we just wish that we could go back in time and change the way these events had transpired. All I could do was try to talk my way out of it. But I couldn’t. I was getting weak, because this love made me weak. I didn’t want to be in love with her because I had convinced myself that this is not happening, but I don’t know why I kept getting pulled towards her.

It is easy for us to say NO when we do not want something in life. The idea of having a partner is so real to me that shutting it down has become an intense affair. I don’t want to be someone who chases behind a girl. I don’t want to be someone who breaks down when life throws rocks on my path. I just had to remind myself that I was good if not great, the way I was. All I had to do was wake up and try to be a better version of myself one day at a time. And if someone does not get that, well, it is their loss.

I told myself that I cannot predict the future. I do not know if I will meet someone organically, fall in love and want to spend the rest of my life with them, but what I do know is I have to be with someone who appreciates the fact that I am in their life. I don’t know if you all have been through something like this, but it does take a toll on your self-confidence. It does make you wish that you had better circumstances in life to avoid the factors that cause issues later. But, the bright side is, it is not on you. You are amazing just the way you are. Judge yourself based on the growth you are giving your physical and mental health.

Talk to someone you trust about your feelings because they are valid, because it will make you feel lighter. Remind yourself everyday that you are good enough and you deserve the best in life too. Don’t stress about what you don’t have and cherish what you have. Feelings will come and go but if you are genuine with how you feel, you will always find the silver lining. If somebody does not want to be a part of your life, be gracious and let them go. That way, it saves you the hurt and saves them the guilt. I know this is easier said than done. I can vouch for that firsthand. But it helps. Stay loyal to yourself before you are loyal to the other person.

Stay blessed everyone!

 

Love,

Aditya.

Friend Zone (Been There, Felt that)

Hey Readers,

This topic is very close to my heart, because I have been through this, and I am certainly not proud of it. But I feel that most guys and surprisingly girls too go through this phase of being Friend Zoned. No, it is not a great feeling when you are told, that you are nothing more than a friend. Let me tell you a short story to depict how it feels.

I love you but only as a friend. Ever heard this? Ever said this? Well, if you have heard it, I feel sorry for you and if you have said this, Hello Losers, yes, you are the real losers and not the people in the Friendzone. This article is for you all to realize how it really feels and what kind of idiots you people are.

So a boy I knew was friends with a classmate of his. They had an instant connection that both of them did not notice when it happened. But, neither took a step towards love, and they were good friends. They talked to eachother all day, they would steal glances of eachother in class, when they walked in the hallway and when they would see eachother on the way to school too. Immaturity got the best of them, because either was not understanding that what this was meant to be. Sooner or later, the guy became mature and realized that this friendship was something more. It felt right, not just because they knew eachother so well, but because, the bond they had would be enough for a lifetime. He decided to talk to the girl about what he felt. This was not something special, but rather casual since that's how their conversations were. The level of comfort the two had was more than any couple could have. He told her he had been thinking about this and wanted to know if she felt the same way too. Now, was this true that the next two minutes of his life would be recorded and played by his heart again and again? Yes. It was. The girl blatantly just replied that she was just not into him. She had only seen him as a friend. She loved him, but she didn't love him (Whatever that meant).

He could not just give up on a sure thing, right? I always felt that they were meant for eachother. They would fight, argue, swear at eachother, but would never let go off each other for any reason in that case. I was surprised myself with the girl's reaction. I might sound like a stereotype now, but I have had girl friends call me and let go off tears because all they have wanted is something serious or a commitment, and all they got was heartbreaks and betrayal. But why is it that when they do get it, they choose to run away from it? The spark is missing? Agreed that the spark is missing, but do you really think any relationship you are going to have is bound to have the spark always? Are you looking for a spark? Think about how it feels when you meet this friend. Think about the times you have spent laughing with them, think about the times they have had your back when you needed them. If reliability, trust and love is not what sparks you, I don't know what will. If it's lust you are looking for, go ahead and let go off your friend because they honestly deserve someone better.

I am all in for a relationship where there is understanding, where you know no matter what, you can handle being tortured and irritated by someone, yet would not be able to find a replacement for them. That's who you should realize is what you are looking for.

The next flaw, I think I have found in most people these days, is calling your friend a perfect package. No, do not do that. That brings their hopes up and you know who they would want to date the very next minute? You. Any person who thinks you are perfect is going to be someone you would want to be with. It is not going to help if you tell someone, that their girlfriend/boyfriend is one lucky person, or they would be the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend and then tell them, that it is not going to be you they can be with. You are not just playing with their emotions, but you are going to bring wrath onto yourself, by saying things like that and bringing drama into the relationship.

A friendship like that is different from a relationship in only one way, which is that it is not platonic. Someone once told me, if you think you have found a friend for life, you have found a person who you genuinely love, who you think is as crazy as you. Now, would you want to spend your life with someone you think can understand you at a level, no one else can, or would you want to spend your life with someone you needs the rest of the lifetime figuring you out and tries to make you happy with superficial things? God bless you if you want the latter.

Find love in people you have a lot in common with. Be bold in making your decisions. Before you friendzone someone, just think about how it might affect your friendship with them. Let me tell you something first hand, if one person in a friendship has feelings for the other, the whole concept of a friendship between them is flawed. They are going to do all the things they can to please you, while you enjoy it, and then you are going to find someone else, date them, break up with them, and come back to this very friend of yours when you need a shoulder to cry on. Do you want to that person? Think about it. I can wait.

Thought about it? Good. Hope you are taking the right decision. Last, but not the least, please don't talk like someone who has principles where once a friend is always a friend. Only if you have feelings for someone the minute you meet them, you can date them. Don't be that person. It is not going to help you in the long run. Maybe if you are looking for an arranged marriage, this option looks solid, but even then, I would want you to get to know the person. Attraction is good, but at the expense of having to deal with loads of unwanted drama for the rest of your life? No. Find someone you are compatible with, and lead a comfortable, stress free relationship.

Kudos :)

The Perfect Partner

Hey Readers,

How are you doing? I am back with a very interesting topic (for some of you!) that I believe you might want to read. Few hours back, I spoke to a few people asking them how they would describe their perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. I got many different answers. Some extremely unique and some that most people look for. But one thing I noticed was everyone wanted loyalty. Kudos to that!

This experiment that I conducted for my “Research” was mainly to write this blog post. Now for anyone who is reading this, and I did not ask them, please stop reading right here and think of a few points that would contribute to your idea on the perfect girl/boyfriend. Go ahead. Do not think for a second that you do not know the answer to that. Everyone wants a partner in their life and you are not normal, if you cannot define what you look for in a person you would eventually want to marry.

Okay, now that you have thought about those points, let me tell you something. I am again dividing this into two group of readers. One who have experience in their past with relationships and the other who don’t (Fast forward to the next paragraph). For the ones who have had an experience, when you were plotting your points for the Ideal Partner, you must be thinking about someone in your head, when you said all those points. If you were negatively impacted by the person in a relationship, hit them a text or a call thanking them for making you realize what you wanted from your partner, because they have practically helped you. And if you were positively impacted by that person, and still they match the description you have, hit them a text or call them, do not hesitate when I say this, because love is a feeling, but a relationship does not work, unless you believe that they are right for you. If even for a second you thought of this person when you were describing your ideal partner, hold on to them. Do not let them go. Once bitten, twice shy.

For the readers, who do not have any experience in their past with relationship, you have set goals about what you look for in a person. Yes, I am calling them goals, because it is not easy to find love, not in the way our life works right now. But my recommendation would be to find someone who not only matches these points, but also someone who you genuinely believe is right for you. Chase the relationship, not the spark, because the spark is short lived, and you are left with the relationship. But if you chase the relationship, the spark can be kindled anytime you want. A lot of people make the grave mistake of chasing the spark and ultimately falling in a trap called their so-called relationship. You have your list of wants prepared. Just make sure, when you do meet someone who checks at least 90% of your list, you are going to try hard to make it work. This isn’t the movies, where the world unites you. You live in a country where it isn’t easy to maintain a relationship. So, try hard and don’t let go easy, because that is what counts. 

And there is more from where that came from. Stay tuned Folks :)

Texting Your Crush

Hi Readers,

Been a while since I posted something. I have missed writing. Been a tough time with life. Ups and downs like everyone goes through. But the good news is, I have been kicked around before, and I have always come back stronger, and this time is no different. I feel like a different, better person. Thanks to maybe AR Rahman, for coming up with the song “Kun Faya Kun” which has always made me relieved during my darkest days. Happy birthday Maestro!

 

Today I am going to write about something that I did come across recently. Texting your Crush.

The minute someone brings this topic, it hits us like a nostalgia pill. Everyone by now must have had their first conversation with their crush. If someone has not yet got the chance, hang in there, buddy. Everyone has their day and you might just have it soon.

Texting your crush can have multiple effects on your life, because it is like a black box, where you have no clue of what input you give, and what the output might be. It can boost your confidence if it ends on a positive, or get you to a phase of self loathe if it goes downhill. My first advice would be to not send random desperate messages on Instagram or Facebook. If you do think, someone is handsome/pretty, just say hi, introduce yourself and present yourself through one message. Never say that you want someone to be their friend. And if you are doing this to a total stranger, think twice before doing it, only because, not everyone likes meeting strangers on social media, especially strangers who blurt out stuff like ‘I want to be your friend’, or ‘I think I am in love with you’. Type in your message and put yourself in their shoes and read the same message, I know, sounds crazy, so don’t do it. It’s a tough world out there. By doing this, you will seem like a lesser creep that someone might think that you are (No offense)! I did get to text a junior of mine who used to be my crush back in school. I didn’t have any idea of what she liked, what she did, or where she was. I did see her around in school and would find any chance of seeing her maybe in the corridor or out on the school ground. But never did I get to talk to her, neither did she ever try (Clearly way out of my league), so trust me, I have been there, and I have done that. But now, I have realised there are no pick-up lines, just one, say Hi and introduce yourself. Everyone likes a person with who they can have a conversation, and not just everything else (pun intended). I somehow picked up the courage of texting her, getting to know a little about her, and that way, a crush can slowly get serious. But unfortunately, the more I got to know her, I realised that the feelings I had for her, were again just an infatuation (Teenage hitting me hard!). I ended up just talking to her every now and then, just saying hi and bye. But the bright side was, my first conversation with a long-time crush went well. 

I hope you guys don’t hesitate to talk to your crush, but also at the same time, work on trying to look less scary! Kudos!

Funny Indian Relationships

I am going out of my usual way of writing and putting this one article in the middle of the other posts. I was thinking to myself how funny Indian relationships can get or are. Let's see a few funny acts you see only in Indian Teens.

1. There was a time when we were only allowed 5 normal messages a day. So if you spent even two of those messages for a person, they would automatically know that they are way more important than the others.

2. There used to be a time when mobiles were a rich commodity and back then Nokia had given lover boys a chance to create their own tunes which boys would often use to impress their loved ones.

3. Indian couples have this funny way of showing they love each other. When they cannot talk to each other or send each other a message, all they do is go under the blanket and give each other missed calls. But each of them god knows how understands what the other person is trying to say.

4. For some reason Indian people find time to write their names on any wall they find. Even hills sometimes, are engraved with names of random strangers. If you want to experience something like that, take a long distance train from the south of India to the north. You will definitely see numerous hills with writing and hearts all over them.

5. It isn’t everyday you will see a rocking boat. For some reason, Indians are all for Public Display of Affection (PDA), but in a form that grosses everyone out. I almost witness a rocking boat every time I go to the beach. Find some space people, at least enough to not weird others out. 

Hope this brought back some memories for the Indian readers and new insight about Indian couples for other country folks. 

Flirting - Right of Youth

Flirting

My most important phase as a teenager was flirting. The flirting phase for me started in my mid teens only because I was a total nerd until then. I didn’t really know much about what flirting exactly was, but as a learning adolescent I was curious. Trust me; the dictionary meaning of flirting is something you are not going to like. Well, being an Indian, the Indian way of defining it would be to say something to impress the opposite gender or maybe the same gender if that’s what you are into. Flirting for me has been pretty boring because I believe in real compliments; I don’t mind calling a person good looking if I really do mean it. But here, it is really frowned upon to be someone who keeps complimenting the other person. Having the label of a “flirt” is something you wouldn’t want with your name. Teens, there is nothing wrong with healthy flirting, but I would suggest, don’t shoot blanks because that is what makes the other person judgemental. Flirting isn’t bad; it is just that people have changed their mindsets that way. Don’t take lines from the internet, because all of them are outdated. Whatever you need to say, make sure it is from the heart, and it won’t even seem like you are trying to impress the other person. Look forward to your forthcoming ventures.