Friends in Love?

 Hey Readers,

Hope you are doing well. A lot has happened since my previous post. I have started becoming very hooked to dancing which obviously has surprised a lot of my friends and family. I don’t blame them though, I mean, come on, it’s me and dancing. They wouldn’t want me to embarrass myself *winks*. I have been losing people close to me, but also gaining some. Drama has taken over my life for the last couple of weeks and to be honest, it feels exhausting. Anyways, I will stop with the chit chat and get to what I was going to write about.

I usually like writing about Relationships, Love, and Friendship, but today I am going to mix up all of them together.

I have always wondered, can someone you call a best friend, be a good partner? This question has perplexed me to a point where I have given up on understanding people’s thoughts about it. I have always thought that friendships are purer than love, only for the simple reason that friendships never need a filter. And when you get used to knowing someone without filters, doesn’t it then get to a point where if you really are comfortable with them, feel good having them around you, want to share everything with them, that kind off love would be amazing right? Tell me I am wrong, I dare you. Well, some of you will. I have met people who have such deep-rooted thoughts that friends cannot be partners just because it ruins the sanctity of that friendship. They are worried about losing that person by screwing up the relationship. I don’t blame them for having such thoughts, but if that person really does mean so much to you, why wouldn’t you make things work to have a great life together?

Communication, that is the biggest pillar of a relationship becomes so much easier if you were friends earlier. But when a friend asks you out, the easiest answer is to say, “Oh, come on, you are a friend. I wouldn’t want to ruin what we have.” Why would that even happen? To be fair, the only difference would be that the platonic portions will be removed, but that should be something that brings you closer and not move away from each other. Yes, I agree that relationships are “serious” when you are involved with your best friend. It can never be a fling.  There are always going to be emotions attached, and those strings are going to be strong. If a guy or a girl you are close to tells you that they are okay with just having fun, turn it down right away because, that is not happening in any way. Talk to them about it and let them know that you already have too much invested in each other’s life and that will ensure that a fling doesn’t work. “What have Ted and Robin taught you if you do this?” (If you do not understand that last question, just ignore!)

I personally would want to first get to know someone as a friend before I even think about dating them. Looks can be deceiving. You can never know how someone really is, if their first intention is to try and impress you. That is one of the main reasons as to why there are so many heartbreaks. You can only blame yourself for holding on to someone toxic. I have seen and heard so many toxic relationships (been part of some too). Men demanding their partners to “Cook for them for 1 AM in the night even if the partner had a long ass day at work, asking them not to talk to other guys, ensuring that they don’t wear the clothes of their choice, asking them to change religions”. I am not saying Men are bad, don’t get me wrong. These are examples of what I have experienced in real life. If it was a friend you were dating, I genuinely think that you would have the guts to question their thoughts right away.

The biggest fear that people have when it comes to dating their best friends. Everyone thinks that people are different when they are friends, and they are different when they become a partner. I am totally agreeing to this. When the dynamic of a relationship changes, there are always additional feelings involved. You suddenly become more insecure, you start being possessive, you want to get more involved. These things happen, but, if it gets to a point where it suffocates you, I wouldn’t hesitate in calling it out or leaving that person only because that is truly who they are. Coming back to the example of a guy not telling his partner wear the clothes of her choice. I personally know someone who is so supportive of his friends and encourages them to wear the clothes of their choice, but as soon as he got a partner, you could see the chauvinistic ass in him coming out. He wouldn’t let his partner come out in anything but Indian wear. When your friends turned partners start doing shit like this, leave. That is the biggest red flag someone can wave at you.

But I prefer to look at the bright side of this beautiful relationship. Friendships that are pure and filter free lead to amazing relationships. You will feel free, independent, and have your own space when it comes to your life and having your say in the relationship. The whole 50-50 deal would work in this case. Friendships that turn into a relationship get you so close to someone that their memories and the feelings for them last a lifetime and if that is not love, I don’t know what is. Arranged Marriages are fine, you can get your “conditioned” guy/girl but try living the statement, loving someone for who they are and stick to them. If they are not good in some aspect, help them get better. They are in the end a friend.

I would love for the readers to tell me how they feel about this. Maybe you all have a different view, and I am not against it, but I would want to talk to you and try to understand your view about it. But if you agree with my views, cheers to that!

Until next time,

Aditya.

Suicide - Let's Talk About It

Hi Readers,

My hands are trembling as I begin to write this article. The stuff I write today is heartfelt, dark and criticizing the world as we know it. Anyone who is not tolerant enough to take it, please do not read the rest of the article.

I was born in a rich family that saw a lot of poverty soon after my birth due to some losses my dad faced in his business. It was a tough time for the entire family, but we got through it as one. My parents were in debt but somehow managed to get my siblings’ education completed on time for them to take up the responsibility of the family. And they did so in great style.

Gradually, it became evident that the storm in our life had passed and we were in clear waters. But many a time, I have felt that my financial status,-let me rephrase that, my family’s financial status made me an Outcast in a crowd filled with kids having filthy rich parents. The attitude that these kids had, despite being teenagers, was crazy. I tried a lot to be a part of their world, albeit at the expense of torturing my family to get me a bike, a car and what not. I didn’t realize that all of this will not endure for long. In trying to be a part of this, I turned into a monstrous version of myself. Lies, Pride, Ego and Attitude took over me like a leech stuck on us. It overshadowed any good that I would do.

Then 2 years later, I graduated and realized I didn’t have any friends. I had taken my old friends for granted, pissed them off, laughed them out of my life and the new “friends” I thought never really considered me a part of their life. I was just an outsider pretending to be someone in their world. It made me feel very low. I could not go back to the way I was 2 years ago, but I had to find a way forward. I spoke to a few of my old friends and tried to make amends. In short, I tried to turn over a new leaf. Life changed for the good gradually. Although I lost and gained people from time to time, I had stopped caring about it since I had set a goal in my mind and was working towards it. Love, Betrayal, Trust, Friendship were some of the words that were being thrown around so easily as years passed. But one word that was missing from my life was ‘peace’.

I wanted peace. Freedom from the thought that I was feeling left out; freedom from the thought that I was constantly being hated by someone; freedom from the thought I was constantly being judged for who I am; freedom from the thought that I was constantly being stereotyped for where I am from. I wanted to kill myself to find peace. Yes, you read that right. I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF. There have been days when I thought of “popping” a few pills and escape this world. There have been days when I have taken a knife to cut vegetables and felt like stabbing myself with it. There have been days when I have felt like intentionally running into a bus. But I always brought myself back to my senses. I realized that I had people who loved me, and it would not be fair for them if I did something like this. I would find peace, but I would take away theirs. My parents, my friends, my colleagues, anyone who contributed in making me smile would be devastated. But what would I do about this constant feeling of restlessness, this mental stress I had? I had no answer.

No, I am not writing this because of a celebrity committing suicide. No, I am not writing this to gain sympathy from any of you who is reading this. I am writing this because I, too, have lost people to this dreadful affliction. I have seen people cry and wish that they had been there for their loved ones before they committed suicide. And it made me think as to what agents we surround ourselves with that cause mental stress.

Parental pressure of getting married, parental pressure of scoring high marks, society pressuring us into getting married, having kids, scoring more marks, getting a good job, studying abroad. It doesn’t matter who can do what, if they do what we ask them to do. We live in a world where parents clap when we hit a six, call us their little “Sachin”, but discourage us if we want to pursue a sports career like Sachin. We live in a world where parents forbid girls from talking to guys, because they might coerce you and “deflower” you, but they are the same people who will force you to marry someone they pick and ask you to sleep with him and bear a child!!! We live in a world where we loathe people with money because they have an attitude and don’t mingle with us, but we are the same people who ill -treat our maids and watchmen. We live in a world, where a girl is judged with the blood she releases on the night of her wedding, and we live in a world, where social media is a place of more hatred and less love. We live in a world where we hide behind mobile/computer screens and spread hate in the form of comments, likes etc. and we are the same people who wish we can be like the people we shed hatred on. We don’t want our kids to be ridiculed for being dark, but when we search for a groom/bride, we want a “fair” person. Hypocrisy has become the ruler of all problems.

In a world like this, why wouldn’t one want to commit suicide? How much emotional stability do we expect the human mind to have? We care so much about our physical health, but never talk about our mental health. Why? The answer is simple. The minute we need a therapist; we have gone “cuckoo” for the world. For once, realize that anything you say be it on social media, or in person, it affects the other person too. If not physically, it does so mentally. It breaks them down. It eats up their thoughts and pushes them towards depression. Empathy is not a word; it is an emotion. Realize that humanity is more important than anything you have with you. You can have all the money in the world, the best job, the best clothes, but if you are not able to make people around you happy, none of it matters.

I hope everyone will be able to relate to this article, because we live in a world where everyone at some point is an outsider. The feeling of togetherness has left this life of ours. We no longer live in a world that is welcoming. We live in a world where walls, guns and words are the biggest weapon. Yes, I said words. Deal with it.

Be welcoming to anything and anyone. Forget the past, grow up and see that everyone makes mistakes, but they might be doing it because they are troubled. Forgive them and talk to them. Go back to people who left, hold on to them, tell them it is going to be alright. Spread love and notice the change. It begins with you.

With love,

Aditya.

Is it time to let go?

Hello Readers,

Happy New Year to all of you out there.

I hope the start to the year of 2019 has been blissful for you.

This New year, my focus is going to be one thing and that is the topic of my blog post too. Is it time to let go? Is it time to cut down on the sorrow in your life? I know using the word Sorrow here makes it quite vague, but the reason I am using it is because, there are a lot of factors that bring different feelings like hatred, disappointment, loneliness and all this results in sorrow. I have dealt with a lot in the last year. I have lost people I thought were close to me, and have gained haters for reasons that make no sense. But I have always been someone who tries to please the other person, and I went out of my way to make sure that the other person either doesn’t hate me or doesn’t leave my life. But in doing so, I have ended up losing my dignity, and looking weak in front of the other.

Someone once said, to forgive and forget, but recently I realized that when you let someone hurt you multiple times and forgive them, it becomes a habit for them since they now know that they wouldn’t lose you. The feeling of knowing that you are needed is like a drug. Abusing it feels very easy for everyone. I am an affectionate person and I don’t mind showing everyone around me that I need them, but I didn’t know that I was painting a target on me and I was an easy one too. 2018 taught me that I took myself for granted and that is why people took me granted. I reminded myself that I am a nice person. And that one statement changed my life. I cut down on the number of friends I had, slowly and slowly. It helped me gain self-confidence, and it also made me realize that the more number of people we know, it is hard to please everyone.

Always be with someone who would go out of their way to please you, and you should also go out of your way to please them. If it is one sided, then that is your cue to end that toxic relationship. Any relationship, where the effort feels one sided is toxic because one of you is the weaker one. I believe that a relationship (Friendship or Love) is complete, when the roles are equal. So Yes, it is time to let go. Time to let go off anyone or anything that brings the slightest of sorrow in your life. Focus on loving yourself and it will show the world that you are shying away from being alone too. Have friends and lovers, but make sure they need you as much as they do.

I am going to go ahead and call this an exercise. Make a list of people who you genuinely believe would go out of their way to please you, and then you would know the real number of friends you have. If you have a lover, you can use the same exercise. Anyone who is taking an upper hand and making you the weakling in the relationship is not a good partner. The sooner you realize it, the better it is for you. So make 2019 count, and make 2019 the year of Y-O-U!

The Perfect Partner

Hey Readers,

How are you doing? I am back with a very interesting topic (for some of you!) that I believe you might want to read. Few hours back, I spoke to a few people asking them how they would describe their perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. I got many different answers. Some extremely unique and some that most people look for. But one thing I noticed was everyone wanted loyalty. Kudos to that!

This experiment that I conducted for my “Research” was mainly to write this blog post. Now for anyone who is reading this, and I did not ask them, please stop reading right here and think of a few points that would contribute to your idea on the perfect girl/boyfriend. Go ahead. Do not think for a second that you do not know the answer to that. Everyone wants a partner in their life and you are not normal, if you cannot define what you look for in a person you would eventually want to marry.

Okay, now that you have thought about those points, let me tell you something. I am again dividing this into two group of readers. One who have experience in their past with relationships and the other who don’t (Fast forward to the next paragraph). For the ones who have had an experience, when you were plotting your points for the Ideal Partner, you must be thinking about someone in your head, when you said all those points. If you were negatively impacted by the person in a relationship, hit them a text or a call thanking them for making you realize what you wanted from your partner, because they have practically helped you. And if you were positively impacted by that person, and still they match the description you have, hit them a text or call them, do not hesitate when I say this, because love is a feeling, but a relationship does not work, unless you believe that they are right for you. If even for a second you thought of this person when you were describing your ideal partner, hold on to them. Do not let them go. Once bitten, twice shy.

For the readers, who do not have any experience in their past with relationship, you have set goals about what you look for in a person. Yes, I am calling them goals, because it is not easy to find love, not in the way our life works right now. But my recommendation would be to find someone who not only matches these points, but also someone who you genuinely believe is right for you. Chase the relationship, not the spark, because the spark is short lived, and you are left with the relationship. But if you chase the relationship, the spark can be kindled anytime you want. A lot of people make the grave mistake of chasing the spark and ultimately falling in a trap called their so-called relationship. You have your list of wants prepared. Just make sure, when you do meet someone who checks at least 90% of your list, you are going to try hard to make it work. This isn’t the movies, where the world unites you. You live in a country where it isn’t easy to maintain a relationship. So, try hard and don’t let go easy, because that is what counts. 

And there is more from where that came from. Stay tuned Folks :)

Feeling Lost

There are going to be moments in life, where you are going to question your existence. If you haven't face them yet, good for you. But be assured that it is normal to feel that way. I have always wondered why I was brought to the world, and what my purpose in life was. These questions loom in my head mainly when I am confused about what I want to become in life and if my decision will have any consequences. It was something I couldn't really talk to anyone about and had to clear my head myself. But soon enough, I realized that it was just fear of failing that I was having these thoughts. One thing that we need to understand is that, unless we are confident about the decisions we make and fulfill them with all our hearts, we are never going to fail. But if for a second also, you think that you are doing something just because someone pushed you to it, or because someone wanted for you to be that person, you will succeed but the probability of failing increases. You need to be happy about the work that you are going to do in the future. Do not attempt to do anything that might not bring the best out of you. Love who you are and you will stop feeling lost. Learn to go across such thoughts and don't let anything hold you back. Know that you are the best at being yourself.

It is not working out

Hi Readers,

I have missed writing and I got to say that it has been quite sometime since I felt this way. I have been through situations where the phrase "It's not working out" pops up a lot. Well, most of you must be used to hearing this during break ups. But I personally am sick and tired of this reason being used for ending relationships. For me, relationships are created because they work. In sometime, if you are openly able to say that it's not working out, then you need to do some self analysis. I am not saying breaking up is wrong, some relationships are doomed from the beginning. But atleast, find a reason for why you think you two are not compatible. And, one piece of simple advice, when a relationship doesn't move in the path you want it to, just for one second atleast, think of the person who is the other half of the relationship and realize that no matter what you decide right now, will also affect them. Take in the moment, and tell yourself that you are in it, because you love that person and hiccups are always going to be there. That should not stop you from being committed to the relationship. If you fall down once from a bicycle and vow to never ride it again, you will miss the adrenaline of bike riding. Be bold enough to go ahead, and make things work instead of waiting for them to work itself out.

Motivation Required

Motivation can play a big role at times in a person's life. How you might all know. But little do people realize that even a small compliment can go a long way. Let us look at a small example. I was at a point in my life where I almost thought I had no friends. It is all because I was ridiculed at the way I lived my life by my friends and none of them showed up when I actually needed them. I was in my teens and I did not realize that what I was doing wrong. But it didn’t feel nice to be in that situation. All I wanted was to sleep and never wake up. Or maybe walk up to a hill and scream my lungs out. I had almost given up when I got a text from a long lost friend who I had not talked to for a long span of time. She asked me how I was and without thinking twice I broke down and told her how I felt because I literally wanted someone to let me pour my heart out to them. She was a good listener, she let me say everything I had to and then gave me a piece of advice that I will always remember. She told me that it shouldn’t matter to me what the world thinks. People talk shit about celebrities and if someone is actually spending time to talk about me, I should instead feel happy and feel like a celebrity. That one small piece of advice changed my attitude towards everything. It wasn’t really a compliment but it made me realize that it didn’t make any changes to who I was that someone was talking ill about me. I don’t talk to her now but she left a little piece of her in the form of a motivation to me. So if you ever think someone is sad or depressed because of something happening in their life. Go ahead and put yourself in their shoes and think of how you would handle that situation better and without any hesitation, help that person. Who knows, maybe you leave a part of your life with them too. 

Confrontations are TOUGH!

Confrontation

Phase I know not a lot of us have the guts to confront somebody when we need it, the basic scenarios where we need this phase is,

1. You are dumping someone.

2. You found out your bf/gf is cheating on you.

3. You screwed up with something.

Situations like these tend to get us all flustered when they happen in reality. I am going to give you a small guide on how to face these situations. Not that I am an expert with this, but all you got to do is jot down what you are going to say, never deviate from what you want and why you want to do it, and most important, realize that in the end, your happiness is what matters. Trust me, this little fact has got me past a lot of confrontations. No person is as important as forcing yourself to be part of something you are not happy with. You want to know why? It's because if you are committed to something happily, that is somehow doomed to end someday, but making it early will ease the effect. A thought to dwell upon. Ain't it?

Can Love Be Re-Kindled?

Re-kindle love

Love is not something that is bought. It is something you feel towards someone. Can’t that happen twice? Sure it can. Not twice, not thrice but many times. I know Indians generally are easily attached to a person. It is hard to going from being someone’s center to being ignored by that person. It is hard to think that you loved someone and this is what you get in return. But that doesn’t mean you stop yourself from feeling that love again for someone else. Each person is different and cannot be judged with their cover and so cant we. Being reserved and narrow with how you are treating people ahead will in turn affect you and not the one who you lost. Rekindling love is pretty tough, but being able to trust someone again will help you regain self confidence. Won’t it? Don’t give up on your feelings so quickly. Don’t give up on yourself too. Trust your instincts and even if they are wrong, don’t break down. Instead stand tall because someone is going to be the lucky person. Love yourself and you will see people loving you for it.

I am going through something like this. I chose to write about this phase because someone I know fell for the wrong person. They got cheated on. But I was pretty clear when I spoke to him/her that it happened for one and only one reason; for him/her to grow and understand people better, and not for him/her to be gloomy all day and ruin their happiness because of one such prick. Love is eternal, but relationships aren’t. Don’t treat them as one and you will understand the physics behind it.  

Concept of Prototyping In Life

Prototype

This might be a vague topic but what lies beneath it is what I am trying to tell you, readers. A prototype is a work model that is used as a demo for checking if it can be made as the original. Our goal as a teenager must be very clear. Once that is done, making ourselves the prototype of who we want to be in the future will help us achieve that goal very easily. The only reason that I am saying this is because being prepared has helped me a lot lately. And I regret not doing it in the past. I wasn’t prepared to face what I would go through when I was in my teens. Being able to look at yourself in the future will in turn help you visualize things better and give you assistance in decision making related to your life. Try and it you might just make things right soon. It’s never too late. I realized what i was doing wrong in a stage where i could not do anything and later faltered because of it. But now i prepare myself for what is going to happen and I make sure I do it right. Being a prototype sounds weird and amusing, but spend sometime on what it really means and you might just find it realistic. 

What You Do When Asked About Your Future?

Being asked about our Future

This phase has bugged me a lot honestly. Let's face it, not all of us out there are Einstein's and Newton's to be read about in the newspaper. The society has sure been a pain in the ass with this. Yeah, I didn’t score that well in my 10^th and 12^th grade, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a frigging future. And for some reason, if they somehow find out we haven’t decided anything, they appoint themselves as our career counselors and start choosing our future plans for us. But isn’t that so sweet? Trust me, it isn’t. You sure don’t want people meddling around with your plans. I chose engineering because I knew I had a passion for this. Most of the society members I am talking about chose against letting me go to engineering and suggested various other fields. I see a lot of friends and classmates who take up fields they didn’t want and struggle. There has not been one day where I would say I took this and I regret it. I didn’t let anyone judge me and I proved them wrong by getting through what I love. College is somewhere students expect fun and friends, but don’t do it for the heck of doing it. Choose what you really want and run towards the future you planned for. 

People Don't Change, Priorities Do

People Priorities

Most of the readers must have heard the saying, “people don’t change, and priorities do”. I second this saying with all my heart. I don’t think people change at all. Once a crow, is always a crow. But their priorities might change from time to time. You should never let someone show you your importance. Their actions speak for themselves. Long distance friendships and relationships don’t work they say. I think they do unless you are prone to changing your priorities or the other person is. If you are important to someone, no matter how much the distance or the time, you will stay important. If someone says they didn’t have time to talk to you, I say use the chance and get the hell out of there. No one has the time for anyone. If someone is important to you, make time for them.  Setting our priorities straight is a tough one in teenage. If someone is telling you that they need time to work things off with their career or anything personal, I am sure they might be honest about it, but if you are going to wait for them sincerely, atleast see to it that your waiting is worth it. Make sure that the other person is really working towards it. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t deserve enough of you. Remember that you are a unique person and no one else is like you. Love yourself and set your priorities straight.