Know When To Give Up!

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are doing well. I have been away for quite a while and my life has progressed so much from my last post. I am officially done with my master’s degree (Woot Woot!) and I am in the stage of starting my career again hopefully in the UK. Choosing this degree was a stupid choice but I don’t have any regrets because it was a challenge that I enjoyed attempting.

I am writing about a topic that is so close to my heart and a topic that I feel a lot of my readers can relate to. I want to talk about all the things that we attempt or pursue in life and how ambitious we are about getting past the finish line. Do we need to know when we should give up if we fail? If yes, how do we decide that? Is it our decision? Is it something our friends and family guide us with? Let’s talk this out.

I have had my share of bad decisions in life. It started from school, went into college, then with my career and most importantly my choice of friends and relationships. I have tried holding onto the wrong choices for a very long time not realizing that it was toxic in nature and how it affected not just me but also the people around me. I have been losing people all my life and yet I always blamed myself for them leaving. When I look back at those moments in life, I don’t regret losing them, because it has made my life better, made me stronger, made me realize that life isn’t about who leaves but it is about who stays! I am sure a lot of people will say the same about me as well. I might not have been there for someone who considered me close, or I would have left their life. I would love it if they confronted me about it and made me realize what I did. If someone does value the fact that I am a part of their life, I wouldn’t want to leave them.

Recently, a friend of mine was in a toxic relationship. One where the abuse was emotional, mental, and verbal. But for some reason, the relationship kept going on. Everyone around my friend would voice out their opinions that this is not good, and the right decision would be to end it or just give up in the belief or hope that things will get better. But it kept going without any improvement in the outcome. This is not just being stubborn, but it is about being naïve enough to not know when to give up! As much as we want things in our life the way we want them, we have got to let go when it is the right time. I was personally in a relationship where I questioned myself so much about my background, about my family, about how I could become the next ambani in life to impress my girl. But after the relationship ended, my heart gave way for my mind to work, and it showed me that I ignored so many red flags and warnings from everyone around me. I cannot blame anyone but me for what I went through, and it has damaged me for life.

I tend to cling myself onto people I am usually with in person which I agree is not a great thing to do and I am not proud of it. But when I felt lonely here in the UK, I used to think that I have friends back home. Friends I can count on, no matter what. But lately, I have come to realize that, at some point, “Always” comes with conditions attached. I kept holding on to the thought of friends for life, but little did I know that I would need to give up on that too. I have been arguing with people who say “family stays, friends don’t” because I honestly believed that friends are more supportive of us, and they give two shits about our wellbeing. But I guess I was wrong about that. All that we can do is play our part. Give up, but not too soon! Know when to give up!

Guide people around you when you see that they are stuck, stuck trying to achieve something that is not possible. Help your loved ones by being there for them when they are lost, when you know that they need you, no matter how hard it may be, be a critic in their life. Be their enemy who gives them critical comments on their decisions. It will bring them on the right path. I am known to be harsh with my loved ones. Some say I am a bully as well because I ask people to make decisions based on the advice, I give them. But little does everyone understand that my advice is usually focused on the best for the other person. I am not someone who focuses on sugar-coating tough statements. I am blunt about the stuff I believe in, and it tends to create an impression. But someone who really understands me sticks around, and if they don’t, well, I will give up!

I hope you all can relate to what I am saying!

This is me signing off!

Regards,

Aditya.

What I learnt about the People in my Country in the Past One Year

Hey Readers.

Been a while since I let out my feelings, and in that period, I have learnt so much and grown quite a lot. Not just physically (My cute tummy) but a lot mentally. I had to take some life changing decisions. I had to get rid of a lot of stress that I was facing, and I had to basically believe in myself for me to go forward.

This article is a little heartfelt and in a lot of ways, stuff I went through in the last couple of months. I met a lot of friends, spoke to a lot of inspirational people and they helped me look at my life in a way I missed out on. A disclaimer before we go ahead, this is not for the narrow minded folks, so if you think you are one of them and won't be able to tolerate my complaints, don't hesitate and close your browser.

The circle of life as they call it, can sometimes be baffling. I am advocating the whole “what goes around comes around”. We get what we deserve because of the things we did in our past. Personally, I screwed up a lot in the past and I get the reward for being an ass from time to time. I have no shame in accepting that I was one but changing over a new leaf is something I genuinely believe in. I have been on a quest of making things right from my past and so far, it has helped me take off the stress in my life. But in doing so, I learnt a lot about our country and how society has affected us and our decision making. I truly felt disgusted with the way we, the society are failing ourselves. I thought to myself that I would love to write about this and see if people could relate to what I felt.

A friend of mine who is in her 30’s wanted to be an independent woman as she grew up. I commend her dedication towards her career and I was in the impression, that someone like her who is so mature and dedicated would be a catch for men, but instead she is ridiculed in the society for her age and not being married. I am perplexed as to why a woman who chooses to marry late is considered a woman with issues, where as a man who wants to marry late is commended since he cares about getting stable financially or to stabilize his career.

A friend of mine who loved this girl, truly wished to get married to her. He loved her more than anything in the world and decided that she is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Hard find right? But guess what, she dumped him for she didn’t think her parents would agree to her getting married to a guy who doesn’t have a financial background as good as them. The guy promised the girl that he would get strong financially and all he needed was time. She promised him the time he needed but ended up dumping him later. I didn’t think the girl was to blame completely, but in our country, parents don’t really care about how well or stable a guy can be, but how much property or what not, his parents or him own. Well, to anyone who has that kind off mentality, all I can say is Sayonara Sweetheart.

I think as the new generation, we owe it to our parents to teach them everything that they did wrong in the name of tradition instead of wanting to follow anything that they said. I have seen people rebel in front of the world, but again, when it came to their parents, they would just dial down. I know we ought to love our parents (no choice there!) but I would at the least argue with them to help them realize that just because something is a tradition, it doesn’t need to be right.

A very close friend was a victim of the above. He sucked at Mathematics, but his father was hell bent on wanting him to get a bank job (This is a different topic altogether, the weird obsession in our country for bank jobs). He was forced to take up bank exams and failed every time. He just could not muster the courage to talk to his dad and tell him, he wanted a different choice of career. He spent 2 to 3 years doing it and finally regretted his decision because he had wasted a lot of time in something he just could not do. I don’t mean to insult him, not everybody is cut out for jobs like these. That’s why we have got so many professions in the world where we can showcase what we are good at.

The last one, I have for starters, a friend of mine told me a story that gave me chills. I know we live in a country where believe it or not, caste and religion play a big role in marriages. No surprise there, but, here comes the bomb. I got to know about a few families who apparently don’t even relate themselves to other caste or religion folks as friends and restrict their kids from mingling with people who don’t belong to their “community”. I seriously hope never to get involved with such people because the reason our so called “secular” country is going to ruins is all thanks to them. Parents, relatives and society would not mind us getting married to some well settled guy from their caste but not to someone who can keep us happy and feel loved. They would rather want us to “work” on an abusive relationship but not want us to get divorced and feel free.

High time that we as a generation work towards stuff like this. Don’t say that your kids will be free to choose. You need to choose. You need to be free. Grow up mentally and talk to me if you think you can relate to what is above.

We are one as a country, but we need to be one as a community.

What do you do?

Hi Readers,

Hope you are doing well. Today has been a day where my thoughts have taken over and I can only but write about it to calm me down. I am not going to burden your eyes by making you read such deep thoughts, but only the brief of it would do for today.

I have always invited comments and thoughts from my readers and I would love it if you guys can help me resolve these thoughts that are going on in my head. I have seen that most relationships that start small and are due the long way end because of the lamest reasons. I was wondering how it happens. But what does one do in such situations? How does it start? Is insecurity behind it? Do I being a writer feel insecure about my writing? Of course, I do. Similarly, would I feel obligated to keep asking my partner if they love me to keep feeling secure. Would a joke they make about one of my flaws trigger a snap in my brain to react in a way I would not want to? Maybe, in most cases it sure does. But what do I do to prevent this? I sure have an answer. Love. When you love someone, and feel insecure about it, remember and remind yourself to not worry about how much the other person loves you. You should not stop loving them for as long as you are with them. You fell in love with the other person not because they love you back, but because you know they can make you smile even during your darkest days.

If in case, the relationship does not work out also, at least you can feel content about the fact that you gave it your all. Sometimes, your all is not enough to please someone and you can’t do anything about it. But I would think that letting go off someone should be the last option you choose. Relationships are easy to get into, but tough to maintain. And for the ones who will say, “Oh yes, that’s why we think arrange marriages are better.”, such things happen the most in arrange marriages. So, what do you do? Close your eyes and calmly think about how you can make your partner understand. Call them, ask them what the problem is, tell them you love them and that such small issues do not really matter. Done? Still the issue persists. Let your partner take some time. Let them ponder on this and wait till they come back for you. Self-analysis is always helpful. Ego is a part of every single person in the world. But in such situations, is where we need to learn to let go off our ego. If not, then think about it? Who really loses? Do you, who has given it their all, have loved, have given, have provided, have done so much lose? I don’t think so. Anyone who can’t see the fact that you have loved truly would not let go. And I believe real love stays. Fights happen, they should, since it helps you understand the likes and dislikes of the other person. Harsh reality but an optimistic way of looking at it would be this.

Now for the person who is reading this and is the one arguing. You must be angry, must be disappointed, must be expecting more from your partner, must be wanting to say so much but you think your partner would not understand. Did you try talking to them calmly? Did you try telling them how you feel about the things they do or say? No? It could be worth giving it a shot. When countries can sit down on a table and decide how to end a war, why can’t you as a couple resolve the smallest of things easily? It is your decision to think if you want to come to a resolution, or decide to use this as a weapon for the future which might provide deadly to your relationship.
I have read online that women don’t fight with you, instead they keep count and use it for a bigger fight. Honestly, I have seen men do it too and I genuinely think it is rather stupid. If you have a fight with your loved one any day, or even today when you are reading this article, call them you dumb person, and resolve it. Remind yourself about why you loved them in the first place, and ask yourself if this argument is more important than your love? Is this argument more important than your relationship? If yes, then maybe the love is done for. If no, don’t make the mistake of letting them go. Go, run, grab them and tell them you need them, tell them that the world may hate the things they do, but you don’t. Trust me when I say this, that might be the best thing you say to them.

Hope this article helps your relationship. I am open to more suggestions because I want to hear more from you. You can reach out to me on whatsapp if you have my digits, or email me on:

adicooldude.adithya@gmail.com (Yes, I used to be a cool dude back in school) *love me for my flaws*

Is it time to let go?

Hello Readers,

Happy New Year to all of you out there.

I hope the start to the year of 2019 has been blissful for you.

This New year, my focus is going to be one thing and that is the topic of my blog post too. Is it time to let go? Is it time to cut down on the sorrow in your life? I know using the word Sorrow here makes it quite vague, but the reason I am using it is because, there are a lot of factors that bring different feelings like hatred, disappointment, loneliness and all this results in sorrow. I have dealt with a lot in the last year. I have lost people I thought were close to me, and have gained haters for reasons that make no sense. But I have always been someone who tries to please the other person, and I went out of my way to make sure that the other person either doesn’t hate me or doesn’t leave my life. But in doing so, I have ended up losing my dignity, and looking weak in front of the other.

Someone once said, to forgive and forget, but recently I realized that when you let someone hurt you multiple times and forgive them, it becomes a habit for them since they now know that they wouldn’t lose you. The feeling of knowing that you are needed is like a drug. Abusing it feels very easy for everyone. I am an affectionate person and I don’t mind showing everyone around me that I need them, but I didn’t know that I was painting a target on me and I was an easy one too. 2018 taught me that I took myself for granted and that is why people took me granted. I reminded myself that I am a nice person. And that one statement changed my life. I cut down on the number of friends I had, slowly and slowly. It helped me gain self-confidence, and it also made me realize that the more number of people we know, it is hard to please everyone.

Always be with someone who would go out of their way to please you, and you should also go out of your way to please them. If it is one sided, then that is your cue to end that toxic relationship. Any relationship, where the effort feels one sided is toxic because one of you is the weaker one. I believe that a relationship (Friendship or Love) is complete, when the roles are equal. So Yes, it is time to let go. Time to let go off anyone or anything that brings the slightest of sorrow in your life. Focus on loving yourself and it will show the world that you are shying away from being alone too. Have friends and lovers, but make sure they need you as much as they do.

I am going to go ahead and call this an exercise. Make a list of people who you genuinely believe would go out of their way to please you, and then you would know the real number of friends you have. If you have a lover, you can use the same exercise. Anyone who is taking an upper hand and making you the weakling in the relationship is not a good partner. The sooner you realize it, the better it is for you. So make 2019 count, and make 2019 the year of Y-O-U!

The Perfect Partner

Hey Readers,

How are you doing? I am back with a very interesting topic (for some of you!) that I believe you might want to read. Few hours back, I spoke to a few people asking them how they would describe their perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. I got many different answers. Some extremely unique and some that most people look for. But one thing I noticed was everyone wanted loyalty. Kudos to that!

This experiment that I conducted for my “Research” was mainly to write this blog post. Now for anyone who is reading this, and I did not ask them, please stop reading right here and think of a few points that would contribute to your idea on the perfect girl/boyfriend. Go ahead. Do not think for a second that you do not know the answer to that. Everyone wants a partner in their life and you are not normal, if you cannot define what you look for in a person you would eventually want to marry.

Okay, now that you have thought about those points, let me tell you something. I am again dividing this into two group of readers. One who have experience in their past with relationships and the other who don’t (Fast forward to the next paragraph). For the ones who have had an experience, when you were plotting your points for the Ideal Partner, you must be thinking about someone in your head, when you said all those points. If you were negatively impacted by the person in a relationship, hit them a text or a call thanking them for making you realize what you wanted from your partner, because they have practically helped you. And if you were positively impacted by that person, and still they match the description you have, hit them a text or call them, do not hesitate when I say this, because love is a feeling, but a relationship does not work, unless you believe that they are right for you. If even for a second you thought of this person when you were describing your ideal partner, hold on to them. Do not let them go. Once bitten, twice shy.

For the readers, who do not have any experience in their past with relationship, you have set goals about what you look for in a person. Yes, I am calling them goals, because it is not easy to find love, not in the way our life works right now. But my recommendation would be to find someone who not only matches these points, but also someone who you genuinely believe is right for you. Chase the relationship, not the spark, because the spark is short lived, and you are left with the relationship. But if you chase the relationship, the spark can be kindled anytime you want. A lot of people make the grave mistake of chasing the spark and ultimately falling in a trap called their so-called relationship. You have your list of wants prepared. Just make sure, when you do meet someone who checks at least 90% of your list, you are going to try hard to make it work. This isn’t the movies, where the world unites you. You live in a country where it isn’t easy to maintain a relationship. So, try hard and don’t let go easy, because that is what counts. 

And there is more from where that came from. Stay tuned Folks :)

Why I think Unconditional Love doesn't Exist

Hey Readers,

Hope you are doing great in life. I have been having some of the best time of my life. I got to say that I have been having downs personally, but all in all, it's been a good ride so far. I have wanted to talk to you about some thoughts I have been having about how I think Unconditional Love like we say, doesn't really exist. Maybe some of you who have been through crap in your life will agree with me at the very first instance, but for the rest, patiently read through the article and you might realize why.

Unconditional Love, according to me is when you do not have any conditions with how you are going to love someone. Us humans, are genetically not capable of creating that emotion. We cannot love someone unconditionally. Alright, some of you might compare the love you have for your parents and say it is unconditional. Well, I am going to say no to that. Parents are two people who will always be dear to us and we will love them, but it is not unconditional. Conditions are presented in your mind by itself, but if the conditions are fulfilled without an argument, you are never going to realize that your love was conditional. Your need to be satisfied is always going to be present. And the day that need is not satisfied, you are going to look for other options. 

Yes, everyone at one point looks for other options only because you want your conditions to be satisfied. The reason most relationships do not work are because we are so stuck up with wanting to be satisfied completely, we let go off people who could have potentially been the best girlfriend/boyfriend. You are going to have some conditions that are left unfulfilled. You are going to be put in situations where you will need to go out of your way and act on someone's condition. It will feel like an unsaid order. But a relationship in the end is all about giving and not expecting in return (Giving and Taking). So if your heart wants you to take a risk for someone, hold on to that person because not a lot of people will give your heart the strength to take a risk. 

Remember one thing carefully guys. When you think you have found someone who is worthy of being the one. Just realize what kind of conditions you have, understand who you are and what you are looking for in your partner, and if there is a situation where your condition is not complete, choose to follow the partner and don't let this condition get the best of your relationship. It is hard to find someone who you connect with in this world now. Follow love and not the condition. Let go off your fears and love will find it's way.

Why I think Insecurities are tough to handle

Hi Readers,

So I am back to reading and writing this week, as it takes my mind off things. I am sure all of you have a few things you do, when you don't want to think about what is happening with your life. But I am at a disadvantage there because reading something makes you relate your life to it, and writing something reminds you of everything that has happened in your life.

But as long as it is enthralling for you guys, I plan on doing it.
So, I have had the "pleasure" of having to feel insecure from time to time in a relationship. And no, I am talking about the kind of Insecurity where a guy feels bad for having 4 pack abs rather than a 6 pack abs. I am talking about an insecurity which someone like me would feel, where the guy has one pack of fat (Tummy) and he calls it with a name (I am just kidding! Please don't judge me.)

I was a very insecure person. I somehow managed to bring focus to my flaws and make myself feel vulnerable. And I had this weird thing, that even if I like someone slightly, and I see her talking to another guy, I decide that he is better than me. Even if he is a midget, with broken teeth and looks like a drug addict, I would want to be like him. No, this is not something I am asking you guys to do. This is a guide to who not to be in life (Me!).
But when such insecurities hit you in a relationship, it makes you suffer and start feeling needy. You constantly get the fear of being dumped soon, or either feel that you might get cheated on. And trust me guys, the feeling is not good. It did bring me to a low, because it was affecting my professional and personal life.

I am not saying that only teenagers go through this. Every single woman, man, boy or girl go through this in their day to day life. Be it a relationship, or work, or friendship. You are going to feel insecure at one point. It is not wrong to feel insecure, but it is wrong to let it ruin things for you and the other person. If you are someone who has never felt insecure in your life about anything and are rock solid that you are the best at everything that you do, I can only salute to you and say "Right on, Matey". For the others, here is where I start getting all philosophical and bore you with what you got to do in a situation of insecurity.

If you are feeling insecure, talk to someone you trust. Let them know how you are feeling. If it is in a relationship, that you feel insecure, talk to your bf/gf. Be open with them, but do not for once let them feel that it's a desperate attempt or cry for attention. You need to accept for once that you are feeling insecure that you might lose the other person. And let them know that it would genuinely help, if they did something to help you feel secure about what you have.  In my case, it did take me a while, but I finally got over my insecurities and was able to focus on the positive aspects of my life. And it made me a stronger person with each day passing. All you got to do is remember that no one is perfect. Even the best of the best are going to feel that there is someone better than them. Use your insecurity to your advantage and better yourself to be the best version of you!

Feeling Lost

There are going to be moments in life, where you are going to question your existence. If you haven't face them yet, good for you. But be assured that it is normal to feel that way. I have always wondered why I was brought to the world, and what my purpose in life was. These questions loom in my head mainly when I am confused about what I want to become in life and if my decision will have any consequences. It was something I couldn't really talk to anyone about and had to clear my head myself. But soon enough, I realized that it was just fear of failing that I was having these thoughts. One thing that we need to understand is that, unless we are confident about the decisions we make and fulfill them with all our hearts, we are never going to fail. But if for a second also, you think that you are doing something just because someone pushed you to it, or because someone wanted for you to be that person, you will succeed but the probability of failing increases. You need to be happy about the work that you are going to do in the future. Do not attempt to do anything that might not bring the best out of you. Love who you are and you will stop feeling lost. Learn to go across such thoughts and don't let anything hold you back. Know that you are the best at being yourself.

Teen Relationship Drama

Been a while since I wrote something. I have been seeing a lot of breakups lately, mainly because of one key reason, Parents. Well, I am sure our parents mean the world to us but, get a grip you guys. They are not going to have to spend a lifetime with someone. It is high time, people realize that. There are two simple ways of having a relationship with someone, one where you know there is no future and you both are open to having fun for sometime and two, where you both want a future and are ready to face any obstacle together. But if a relationships goes to a new scenario, well that's your cue to fleeing the scene. Every once in a while, I get emotional and think that having fun with someone in a relationships means that we can have a good future together, but up until she is in it too, I can come off too strong and look like a serious maniac. It is all about knowing where you are and who you are, what you want to be and who you want to be with. Teenagers think they know who their parents would choose, sometimes we cite caste as an issue, sometimes it is the career of the other person, etc. But ultimately, trust me it all comes down to the person who is citing these reasons. If someone really wants to be with you, they will. Key note to remember, it is rather better to end things with someone rather than keeping them hanging to you. Yeah, maybe someone likes a bit of attention of being someone's center, but once the other person realizes that, you could come off as a real bad person and trust me, every little thing you do has a consequence, quoting the Butterfly effect. Think about it, as this is something to dwell upon. It is easy for anyone being a dumper, but what goes around comes around, and someday when you are the dumped one, you might regret having to go through it. Love is just a word, with the way it is used these days. Neither does it have meaning, nor does it invoke a special feeling. Yes, things have changed. 

Choosing a Career Path

Choosing A Career Path

One of the biggest problems for teenagers is to choose a career path. I know a lot of teenagers have a career in mind, but trust 90% teenagers do not follow the path they had in mind. I grew up wanting to be a chef, yeah I know it sounds different but I am proud of it. But sadly I didn't pursue it. Why? Well, because of the given few reasons,
1. Peer Pressure of Not Screwing Up with a bad decision.
2. Society manipulations.
3. Having a role model in a different field.
I don't regret choosing the path I am on now. But there have been days when I feel like I would have done better being in hotel management. Teens out there, it is pretty simple that we don't always get what we want. But I have seen people taking bad decisions and taking bad career paths, but they make the best out of it. That is because we have to live with what we chose. We can never blame someone else for what we chose. We are not robots who can say that they were controlled by their master. Some of us might say that our parents are to blame, but I do not count that in too. Parents ultimately are on our side, if we know what we are choosing. I am not encouraging teens to choose very stupid paths and ruin your lives but choose sensibly and be happy in field that you are. And you will ultimate love being in it. It will bring the best out in you.

Doing Something Crazy With Friends

DOING SOMETHING CRAZY

At some point of teenage everyone be it a girl or a guy, wants to be part of a different experience. In my case, I wanted to experience all natural disasters. For now, I have crossed off earthquake and floods. I know it sounds weird, but I am sure everyone out there has some inner desire that others find weird. I speak for all guys and girls here, because I have heard too many people say they want to do something offbeat that gives them a bag full of memories and something they can think of and smile given the guts they had to do it. But trust me, this rush that we have can lead us to trouble too. I chose to write about this phase because of what I went through. My friends and I decided to go on a trek to a place called Kurangani, and like you all even I was puzzled about what this place was. It is some hill off Bodi in Tamilnadu. Anyways, we didn't know shit about this place, yet we decided to not hire a guide given our cold pockets, and started climbing the hill ourselves. Let me add just one point, it was our first trek and we weren't equipped with water and food like we thought. We didn't know the way, so all we did was keep walking for five hours straight until we fell down to our knees and saw the sun starting to set. This was hard for us and a little scary too. I don't want to sound timid but that area was known for it's elephants. I still consider that a miracle seeing a mountain vehicle come our way only to help us come back downhill. But this was a lesson for us. This rush that we had to be controlled and planned out properly. So word of advice, follow your heart but let your mind handle the steering on it. You might end up getting the bag of memories you wanted. Cheerio!