Love That You Want But Can't Get

 

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are all doing well. It has been a while since I wrote a blog post. Life has taken a big turn in terms of where I was when I wrote my last blog post and where I am today. As I write this, I can only take a deep breath of relief as I am officially done with my first term of Uni in the United Kingdom. Feels good saying that since it has been a rollercoaster ride, nonetheless.

I was wondering what I could write about since this blog predominantly focuses on how it feels to be a teenager. Well, today I will write about something that turns us all into teenagers (Immature ones sometimes) – Love that we want but know that it will never work in our favor. This is a special one. A blast from the past.

Sounds scary but is such a beautiful feeling. I still remember the first night I met her. I didn’t have a clue about who she was, how she looked, how she would be. But I can only thank my stars that I met her that night. It was not for long, but a brief meeting that would trigger the beginning of a story that does not end well (Sorry for spoiling it so early in the story).

We talked and talked for hours, spent time getting to know about our past, our lives, our present and about what we wanted in our future. Every little thing she said made me feel closer to her, made me want her more and more. I didn’t know what this was since I had told myself that I would not date anyone after having been burnt bad in the past. I wanted to focus on my career, and I didn’t want to be hooked to someone. I kept trying to fight this feeling away, but it had become a seed in my heart, and I could not help but get attached to her.

If I was going against what I had planned, and pursuing this girl, I had to know where this was headed. I wanted to be in a committed relationship, and I had to assess if this would work long time. There were so many factors that I could think of, to tell myself that this even if she said she liked me would not work. Being an Indian, I could not help but think of how society would react to a situation like this, how my family would react to situation like this, and obviously how her family would react (Too early to be thinking of all that, but still had to).

I decided to give it a shot even though it was headed to a heartbreak for me. Why did I think it wont work? Well, I am and have always been an overthinker and I for some reason love making my life more difficult. I think it was an add on with my insecurities in life. I always thought I had too many imperfections in me. It does not help when you constantly see successful and good-looking people around you. And these kind off issues aren’t something you learn to live with, because it has dragged me down from my true potential. So, I tried my luck and like I guess, too many factors that were in the way. It broke my heart to think that it would never work because I was sure that I would be the right guy for her. She had been through so much in life and she deserved a man who loved her for her, someone who could take her to the light at the end of the tunnel. Someone who looks at her with awe in the morning, and someone who treated her like a queen. I was sure that I could be that man, but it disappointed me to know that there were factors that stopped her. I was not surprised though, since I always kept telling myself that this is not happening. I really need to work on my confidence levels. But one thing I learnt was, I would do anything for her. Call me crazy, but the love you get when you fall hard for someone is blissful. You feel happy that you were able to find so genuine in your life and you cherish every moment you have spent with them.

Now this was a situation, my heart kept asking me to come up with a solution for. She knew I liked or loved her. She knew that I was getting attached. The fact that I was getting devoted to the idea of a life with her scared her. It made her think if she should take a step back. I don’t blame her but boy, did that make me feel like a total loner.

There are days when we feel so vulnerable about our lives that we just wish that we could go back in time and change the way these events had transpired. All I could do was try to talk my way out of it. But I couldn’t. I was getting weak, because this love made me weak. I didn’t want to be in love with her because I had convinced myself that this is not happening, but I don’t know why I kept getting pulled towards her.

It is easy for us to say NO when we do not want something in life. The idea of having a partner is so real to me that shutting it down has become an intense affair. I don’t want to be someone who chases behind a girl. I don’t want to be someone who breaks down when life throws rocks on my path. I just had to remind myself that I was good if not great, the way I was. All I had to do was wake up and try to be a better version of myself one day at a time. And if someone does not get that, well, it is their loss.

I told myself that I cannot predict the future. I do not know if I will meet someone organically, fall in love and want to spend the rest of my life with them, but what I do know is I have to be with someone who appreciates the fact that I am in their life. I don’t know if you all have been through something like this, but it does take a toll on your self-confidence. It does make you wish that you had better circumstances in life to avoid the factors that cause issues later. But, the bright side is, it is not on you. You are amazing just the way you are. Judge yourself based on the growth you are giving your physical and mental health.

Talk to someone you trust about your feelings because they are valid, because it will make you feel lighter. Remind yourself everyday that you are good enough and you deserve the best in life too. Don’t stress about what you don’t have and cherish what you have. Feelings will come and go but if you are genuine with how you feel, you will always find the silver lining. If somebody does not want to be a part of your life, be gracious and let them go. That way, it saves you the hurt and saves them the guilt. I know this is easier said than done. I can vouch for that firsthand. But it helps. Stay loyal to yourself before you are loyal to the other person.

Stay blessed everyone!

 

Love,

Aditya.

Friend Zone (Been There, Felt that)

Hey Readers,

This topic is very close to my heart, because I have been through this, and I am certainly not proud of it. But I feel that most guys and surprisingly girls too go through this phase of being Friend Zoned. No, it is not a great feeling when you are told, that you are nothing more than a friend. Let me tell you a short story to depict how it feels.

I love you but only as a friend. Ever heard this? Ever said this? Well, if you have heard it, I feel sorry for you and if you have said this, Hello Losers, yes, you are the real losers and not the people in the Friendzone. This article is for you all to realize how it really feels and what kind of idiots you people are.

So a boy I knew was friends with a classmate of his. They had an instant connection that both of them did not notice when it happened. But, neither took a step towards love, and they were good friends. They talked to eachother all day, they would steal glances of eachother in class, when they walked in the hallway and when they would see eachother on the way to school too. Immaturity got the best of them, because either was not understanding that what this was meant to be. Sooner or later, the guy became mature and realized that this friendship was something more. It felt right, not just because they knew eachother so well, but because, the bond they had would be enough for a lifetime. He decided to talk to the girl about what he felt. This was not something special, but rather casual since that's how their conversations were. The level of comfort the two had was more than any couple could have. He told her he had been thinking about this and wanted to know if she felt the same way too. Now, was this true that the next two minutes of his life would be recorded and played by his heart again and again? Yes. It was. The girl blatantly just replied that she was just not into him. She had only seen him as a friend. She loved him, but she didn't love him (Whatever that meant).

He could not just give up on a sure thing, right? I always felt that they were meant for eachother. They would fight, argue, swear at eachother, but would never let go off each other for any reason in that case. I was surprised myself with the girl's reaction. I might sound like a stereotype now, but I have had girl friends call me and let go off tears because all they have wanted is something serious or a commitment, and all they got was heartbreaks and betrayal. But why is it that when they do get it, they choose to run away from it? The spark is missing? Agreed that the spark is missing, but do you really think any relationship you are going to have is bound to have the spark always? Are you looking for a spark? Think about how it feels when you meet this friend. Think about the times you have spent laughing with them, think about the times they have had your back when you needed them. If reliability, trust and love is not what sparks you, I don't know what will. If it's lust you are looking for, go ahead and let go off your friend because they honestly deserve someone better.

I am all in for a relationship where there is understanding, where you know no matter what, you can handle being tortured and irritated by someone, yet would not be able to find a replacement for them. That's who you should realize is what you are looking for.

The next flaw, I think I have found in most people these days, is calling your friend a perfect package. No, do not do that. That brings their hopes up and you know who they would want to date the very next minute? You. Any person who thinks you are perfect is going to be someone you would want to be with. It is not going to help if you tell someone, that their girlfriend/boyfriend is one lucky person, or they would be the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend and then tell them, that it is not going to be you they can be with. You are not just playing with their emotions, but you are going to bring wrath onto yourself, by saying things like that and bringing drama into the relationship.

A friendship like that is different from a relationship in only one way, which is that it is not platonic. Someone once told me, if you think you have found a friend for life, you have found a person who you genuinely love, who you think is as crazy as you. Now, would you want to spend your life with someone you think can understand you at a level, no one else can, or would you want to spend your life with someone you needs the rest of the lifetime figuring you out and tries to make you happy with superficial things? God bless you if you want the latter.

Find love in people you have a lot in common with. Be bold in making your decisions. Before you friendzone someone, just think about how it might affect your friendship with them. Let me tell you something first hand, if one person in a friendship has feelings for the other, the whole concept of a friendship between them is flawed. They are going to do all the things they can to please you, while you enjoy it, and then you are going to find someone else, date them, break up with them, and come back to this very friend of yours when you need a shoulder to cry on. Do you want to that person? Think about it. I can wait.

Thought about it? Good. Hope you are taking the right decision. Last, but not the least, please don't talk like someone who has principles where once a friend is always a friend. Only if you have feelings for someone the minute you meet them, you can date them. Don't be that person. It is not going to help you in the long run. Maybe if you are looking for an arranged marriage, this option looks solid, but even then, I would want you to get to know the person. Attraction is good, but at the expense of having to deal with loads of unwanted drama for the rest of your life? No. Find someone you are compatible with, and lead a comfortable, stress free relationship.

Kudos :)

Why I think Unconditional Love doesn't Exist

Hey Readers,

Hope you are doing great in life. I have been having some of the best time of my life. I got to say that I have been having downs personally, but all in all, it's been a good ride so far. I have wanted to talk to you about some thoughts I have been having about how I think Unconditional Love like we say, doesn't really exist. Maybe some of you who have been through crap in your life will agree with me at the very first instance, but for the rest, patiently read through the article and you might realize why.

Unconditional Love, according to me is when you do not have any conditions with how you are going to love someone. Us humans, are genetically not capable of creating that emotion. We cannot love someone unconditionally. Alright, some of you might compare the love you have for your parents and say it is unconditional. Well, I am going to say no to that. Parents are two people who will always be dear to us and we will love them, but it is not unconditional. Conditions are presented in your mind by itself, but if the conditions are fulfilled without an argument, you are never going to realize that your love was conditional. Your need to be satisfied is always going to be present. And the day that need is not satisfied, you are going to look for other options. 

Yes, everyone at one point looks for other options only because you want your conditions to be satisfied. The reason most relationships do not work are because we are so stuck up with wanting to be satisfied completely, we let go off people who could have potentially been the best girlfriend/boyfriend. You are going to have some conditions that are left unfulfilled. You are going to be put in situations where you will need to go out of your way and act on someone's condition. It will feel like an unsaid order. But a relationship in the end is all about giving and not expecting in return (Giving and Taking). So if your heart wants you to take a risk for someone, hold on to that person because not a lot of people will give your heart the strength to take a risk. 

Remember one thing carefully guys. When you think you have found someone who is worthy of being the one. Just realize what kind of conditions you have, understand who you are and what you are looking for in your partner, and if there is a situation where your condition is not complete, choose to follow the partner and don't let this condition get the best of your relationship. It is hard to find someone who you connect with in this world now. Follow love and not the condition. Let go off your fears and love will find it's way.

Why I think Insecurities are tough to handle

Hi Readers,

So I am back to reading and writing this week, as it takes my mind off things. I am sure all of you have a few things you do, when you don't want to think about what is happening with your life. But I am at a disadvantage there because reading something makes you relate your life to it, and writing something reminds you of everything that has happened in your life.

But as long as it is enthralling for you guys, I plan on doing it.
So, I have had the "pleasure" of having to feel insecure from time to time in a relationship. And no, I am talking about the kind of Insecurity where a guy feels bad for having 4 pack abs rather than a 6 pack abs. I am talking about an insecurity which someone like me would feel, where the guy has one pack of fat (Tummy) and he calls it with a name (I am just kidding! Please don't judge me.)

I was a very insecure person. I somehow managed to bring focus to my flaws and make myself feel vulnerable. And I had this weird thing, that even if I like someone slightly, and I see her talking to another guy, I decide that he is better than me. Even if he is a midget, with broken teeth and looks like a drug addict, I would want to be like him. No, this is not something I am asking you guys to do. This is a guide to who not to be in life (Me!).
But when such insecurities hit you in a relationship, it makes you suffer and start feeling needy. You constantly get the fear of being dumped soon, or either feel that you might get cheated on. And trust me guys, the feeling is not good. It did bring me to a low, because it was affecting my professional and personal life.

I am not saying that only teenagers go through this. Every single woman, man, boy or girl go through this in their day to day life. Be it a relationship, or work, or friendship. You are going to feel insecure at one point. It is not wrong to feel insecure, but it is wrong to let it ruin things for you and the other person. If you are someone who has never felt insecure in your life about anything and are rock solid that you are the best at everything that you do, I can only salute to you and say "Right on, Matey". For the others, here is where I start getting all philosophical and bore you with what you got to do in a situation of insecurity.

If you are feeling insecure, talk to someone you trust. Let them know how you are feeling. If it is in a relationship, that you feel insecure, talk to your bf/gf. Be open with them, but do not for once let them feel that it's a desperate attempt or cry for attention. You need to accept for once that you are feeling insecure that you might lose the other person. And let them know that it would genuinely help, if they did something to help you feel secure about what you have.  In my case, it did take me a while, but I finally got over my insecurities and was able to focus on the positive aspects of my life. And it made me a stronger person with each day passing. All you got to do is remember that no one is perfect. Even the best of the best are going to feel that there is someone better than them. Use your insecurity to your advantage and better yourself to be the best version of you!

Are You A Liar?

Hi Everyone!

This article is going to be a little heartfelt because lately I have been going through a lot in life. There are so many changes happening and I guess I have been too busy to even figure out the solutions or the ways to adapt to these changes.

The reason I am calling this article “Are you a Liar?” is because I have been called a liar. Sometimes it’s right, sometimes it’s for absurd reasons which are no way related to me but ignoring those instances. I am here to talk about the right situations. Every one of us has fallen in love atleast once in our lives, if you are saying you have not, get a life and stop lying. That’s lie number one. Everyone has always wanted to do something about our feelings, either to get rid of them or to express those feelings to someone, if you are saying you have not, that’s lie number two. I have been in love, not once or twice, but many a times. I am not ashamed of it. I learnt it the hard way that if you are full of love to give, you are always going to keep falling in love with someone or the other. I don’t think of it as a bane, because it gives me an opportunity to meet new people, get to know about them. I have had my experiences in the past, and sadly, it didn’t work out as planned. To anyone reading this, if you are one of them, it was special to me. Each person who has been a part of my life, has always left a positive impact and I plan on keeping it that way. There was this one special person who left a negative impact, not because she was bad, but because she was too good. That has made me weak. Let the suspense continue!

Have you ever lied to put a smile on someone’s face? Have you ever lied to make sure that you are not hurting someone in the process? Have you ever lied because you know the truth can be too bitter to handle? I am someone who genuinely believes that a lie is a statement you say to either find an escape route or find a way to make your day or someone else’s day. And my lie is making someone happy, I wouldn’t mind being a liar. There are a lot of people in the world who are a very important part of my life, and if my lying is going to make them smile, I would lie all my life. And I think you all should to. Just make sure the lie doesn’t go to an extent, that you are judged for it, because that is one major obstacle you would have to deal with in your life. Ask me. I have been there and done that.

Look back and think about the time you have lied to yourself if not to someone else. And just pat your back for it, don’t stress upon it. Its good to lie every now and then. Just make sure you are spreading happiness and not sorrow. Kudos :)

Texting Your Crush

Hi Readers,

Been a while since I posted something. I have missed writing. Been a tough time with life. Ups and downs like everyone goes through. But the good news is, I have been kicked around before, and I have always come back stronger, and this time is no different. I feel like a different, better person. Thanks to maybe AR Rahman, for coming up with the song “Kun Faya Kun” which has always made me relieved during my darkest days. Happy birthday Maestro!

 

Today I am going to write about something that I did come across recently. Texting your Crush.

The minute someone brings this topic, it hits us like a nostalgia pill. Everyone by now must have had their first conversation with their crush. If someone has not yet got the chance, hang in there, buddy. Everyone has their day and you might just have it soon.

Texting your crush can have multiple effects on your life, because it is like a black box, where you have no clue of what input you give, and what the output might be. It can boost your confidence if it ends on a positive, or get you to a phase of self loathe if it goes downhill. My first advice would be to not send random desperate messages on Instagram or Facebook. If you do think, someone is handsome/pretty, just say hi, introduce yourself and present yourself through one message. Never say that you want someone to be their friend. And if you are doing this to a total stranger, think twice before doing it, only because, not everyone likes meeting strangers on social media, especially strangers who blurt out stuff like ‘I want to be your friend’, or ‘I think I am in love with you’. Type in your message and put yourself in their shoes and read the same message, I know, sounds crazy, so don’t do it. It’s a tough world out there. By doing this, you will seem like a lesser creep that someone might think that you are (No offense)! I did get to text a junior of mine who used to be my crush back in school. I didn’t have any idea of what she liked, what she did, or where she was. I did see her around in school and would find any chance of seeing her maybe in the corridor or out on the school ground. But never did I get to talk to her, neither did she ever try (Clearly way out of my league), so trust me, I have been there, and I have done that. But now, I have realised there are no pick-up lines, just one, say Hi and introduce yourself. Everyone likes a person with who they can have a conversation, and not just everything else (pun intended). I somehow picked up the courage of texting her, getting to know a little about her, and that way, a crush can slowly get serious. But unfortunately, the more I got to know her, I realised that the feelings I had for her, were again just an infatuation (Teenage hitting me hard!). I ended up just talking to her every now and then, just saying hi and bye. But the bright side was, my first conversation with a long-time crush went well. 

I hope you guys don’t hesitate to talk to your crush, but also at the same time, work on trying to look less scary! Kudos!

Teen Relationship Drama

Been a while since I wrote something. I have been seeing a lot of breakups lately, mainly because of one key reason, Parents. Well, I am sure our parents mean the world to us but, get a grip you guys. They are not going to have to spend a lifetime with someone. It is high time, people realize that. There are two simple ways of having a relationship with someone, one where you know there is no future and you both are open to having fun for sometime and two, where you both want a future and are ready to face any obstacle together. But if a relationships goes to a new scenario, well that's your cue to fleeing the scene. Every once in a while, I get emotional and think that having fun with someone in a relationships means that we can have a good future together, but up until she is in it too, I can come off too strong and look like a serious maniac. It is all about knowing where you are and who you are, what you want to be and who you want to be with. Teenagers think they know who their parents would choose, sometimes we cite caste as an issue, sometimes it is the career of the other person, etc. But ultimately, trust me it all comes down to the person who is citing these reasons. If someone really wants to be with you, they will. Key note to remember, it is rather better to end things with someone rather than keeping them hanging to you. Yeah, maybe someone likes a bit of attention of being someone's center, but once the other person realizes that, you could come off as a real bad person and trust me, every little thing you do has a consequence, quoting the Butterfly effect. Think about it, as this is something to dwell upon. It is easy for anyone being a dumper, but what goes around comes around, and someday when you are the dumped one, you might regret having to go through it. Love is just a word, with the way it is used these days. Neither does it have meaning, nor does it invoke a special feeling. Yes, things have changed. 

A Teenage Relationship

A Teenage Relationship

This is the continuation of the previous phase yet; here I am going to tell the readers what a teenage relationship according to me is. What do you do in schools and colleges? You learn. A teenage relationship is not someplace where you go to work. According to me, it is where you learn. You learn to be an adult. Learn to adjust with the opposite sex. People think that not having a teenage relationship will make their parents happy or it satisfies them. But they are missing out on one of the most important parts of their life. And this they will regret all their life. When someone who hasn’t been with a guy/girl all his life decides to get married to someone his/her parents chose, he has no idea how much problems he will have adjusting to the needs of the guy/girl.

In most cases the marriage ends in a divorce or one out of the two is never happy and tries hard to adjust. Or in some cases one of the two has an affair with someone else. A teenage relationship is not only for fun. It is an education in a way. I am trying to tell this to the readers here because when people I know end a relationship with the other, they tend to depression, moaning, weeping, and trying to commit suicide (utter stupidity!) I find it really odd. Because when you have ended a relationship it means that you need to move on. The world isn’t a small place. The phrase “there is no one like her/him” is of no use here on earth. There are billions of people who you will find.

When someone says, “I think we need to end this”, don’t start begging them to come back. Understand that the relationship has gone its course. You need to acknowledge the fact that you spent time with the other person and always cherish the moments you had with them. 

The First Boy/Girl Friend

The First Boy/Girl Friend

The first boy/girl friend is someone who turns us as a mature teenager according to my experience. Readers if you are teenagers like me; you will quite understand why I am stating this as u read on.

During our first relationship with the opposite sex, it is the first time we actually do things that will make the other person happy. We adjust according to them which we don’t often do for others. We quite understand how girls are or how boys are and how they need to be handled. Girls understand that there are guys who are sensitive and boys understand that there are girls who are quite strong and are full of guts. It is only during the first relationship that the other person shows you where you are wrong by arguing for small mistakes that you make. I understand that these arguments lead to the end of the relationship, but if you sit down and think with a clear mind, you will understand that, in real the other person has taught you a lot of stuff by showing you how you are which no one else does(except our mother though!).

Now going on to my experience, I was quite a stubborn kid as I grew up. During my first relationship I realized a lot of things about me. I might as well say my first relationship changed my whole life, and I am not kidding. The girl I went out with argued a lot. If I call myself stubborn you got to see her. She was like crazy at times. Yet I owe thanks to her for changing me as a person (if you get to read this, Thank you!).

The first relationship also helps you reduce your mistakes during the next coming relationships. As we learn from every mistake we make, we tend to be careful in other aspects of our life too.

The First Crush

The First Crush

Well, do I have to say anything about this phase? Because this is known to be the best phase of a teen’s life. The first crush is on any day never forgotten by any teenager. Let me tell you my experience. It was the first day of my 8^th grade. I stepped into my class as everyone was greeting each other after a long break. And then was when my heart started pumping at quite a fast pace. There she was, the girl I immediately fell in love (the first crush) with. I didn’t know what to do. I just couldn’t stop blushing every time I saw her. This happens in most cases where the teen’s of this generation fail. The reason we can’t stand in front of them of having the fear that we will do something to embarrass us. This fear has in fact stopped teenagers from telling their crush about how they feel.

Most teenagers prefer telling the guy/girl indirectly about their feelings. But it’s quite proven that these days confronting the other person and telling them about your feelings has been successful. My advice to the readers would be, “don’t forget the first crush as they have an important role in your life. That is when your hormones within you have started to function well. That is when you learn to be a adult. These feelings don’t come as you grow older. That tense feeling in your stomach that you feel when your crush passes by is not often as you become an adult.

I encountered a situation where I couldn’t stop myself from telling the girl I liked her but it turned out to be a funny experience for me. I have this odd problem of turning red. The same happened with me when I was standing opposite the girl and as I told her I liked her I turned red. This instead made her think I was cute. I was scared it will make me look awkward but it was an advantage. Sometimes we ought to consider our positive traits rather look for the negatives.