What do you do?

Hi Readers,

Hope you are doing well. Today has been a day where my thoughts have taken over and I can only but write about it to calm me down. I am not going to burden your eyes by making you read such deep thoughts, but only the brief of it would do for today.

I have always invited comments and thoughts from my readers and I would love it if you guys can help me resolve these thoughts that are going on in my head. I have seen that most relationships that start small and are due the long way end because of the lamest reasons. I was wondering how it happens. But what does one do in such situations? How does it start? Is insecurity behind it? Do I being a writer feel insecure about my writing? Of course, I do. Similarly, would I feel obligated to keep asking my partner if they love me to keep feeling secure. Would a joke they make about one of my flaws trigger a snap in my brain to react in a way I would not want to? Maybe, in most cases it sure does. But what do I do to prevent this? I sure have an answer. Love. When you love someone, and feel insecure about it, remember and remind yourself to not worry about how much the other person loves you. You should not stop loving them for as long as you are with them. You fell in love with the other person not because they love you back, but because you know they can make you smile even during your darkest days.

If in case, the relationship does not work out also, at least you can feel content about the fact that you gave it your all. Sometimes, your all is not enough to please someone and you can’t do anything about it. But I would think that letting go off someone should be the last option you choose. Relationships are easy to get into, but tough to maintain. And for the ones who will say, “Oh yes, that’s why we think arrange marriages are better.”, such things happen the most in arrange marriages. So, what do you do? Close your eyes and calmly think about how you can make your partner understand. Call them, ask them what the problem is, tell them you love them and that such small issues do not really matter. Done? Still the issue persists. Let your partner take some time. Let them ponder on this and wait till they come back for you. Self-analysis is always helpful. Ego is a part of every single person in the world. But in such situations, is where we need to learn to let go off our ego. If not, then think about it? Who really loses? Do you, who has given it their all, have loved, have given, have provided, have done so much lose? I don’t think so. Anyone who can’t see the fact that you have loved truly would not let go. And I believe real love stays. Fights happen, they should, since it helps you understand the likes and dislikes of the other person. Harsh reality but an optimistic way of looking at it would be this.

Now for the person who is reading this and is the one arguing. You must be angry, must be disappointed, must be expecting more from your partner, must be wanting to say so much but you think your partner would not understand. Did you try talking to them calmly? Did you try telling them how you feel about the things they do or say? No? It could be worth giving it a shot. When countries can sit down on a table and decide how to end a war, why can’t you as a couple resolve the smallest of things easily? It is your decision to think if you want to come to a resolution, or decide to use this as a weapon for the future which might provide deadly to your relationship.
I have read online that women don’t fight with you, instead they keep count and use it for a bigger fight. Honestly, I have seen men do it too and I genuinely think it is rather stupid. If you have a fight with your loved one any day, or even today when you are reading this article, call them you dumb person, and resolve it. Remind yourself about why you loved them in the first place, and ask yourself if this argument is more important than your love? Is this argument more important than your relationship? If yes, then maybe the love is done for. If no, don’t make the mistake of letting them go. Go, run, grab them and tell them you need them, tell them that the world may hate the things they do, but you don’t. Trust me when I say this, that might be the best thing you say to them.

Hope this article helps your relationship. I am open to more suggestions because I want to hear more from you. You can reach out to me on whatsapp if you have my digits, or email me on:

adicooldude.adithya@gmail.com (Yes, I used to be a cool dude back in school) *love me for my flaws*

Friend Zone (Been There, Felt that)

Hey Readers,

This topic is very close to my heart, because I have been through this, and I am certainly not proud of it. But I feel that most guys and surprisingly girls too go through this phase of being Friend Zoned. No, it is not a great feeling when you are told, that you are nothing more than a friend. Let me tell you a short story to depict how it feels.

I love you but only as a friend. Ever heard this? Ever said this? Well, if you have heard it, I feel sorry for you and if you have said this, Hello Losers, yes, you are the real losers and not the people in the Friendzone. This article is for you all to realize how it really feels and what kind of idiots you people are.

So a boy I knew was friends with a classmate of his. They had an instant connection that both of them did not notice when it happened. But, neither took a step towards love, and they were good friends. They talked to eachother all day, they would steal glances of eachother in class, when they walked in the hallway and when they would see eachother on the way to school too. Immaturity got the best of them, because either was not understanding that what this was meant to be. Sooner or later, the guy became mature and realized that this friendship was something more. It felt right, not just because they knew eachother so well, but because, the bond they had would be enough for a lifetime. He decided to talk to the girl about what he felt. This was not something special, but rather casual since that's how their conversations were. The level of comfort the two had was more than any couple could have. He told her he had been thinking about this and wanted to know if she felt the same way too. Now, was this true that the next two minutes of his life would be recorded and played by his heart again and again? Yes. It was. The girl blatantly just replied that she was just not into him. She had only seen him as a friend. She loved him, but she didn't love him (Whatever that meant).

He could not just give up on a sure thing, right? I always felt that they were meant for eachother. They would fight, argue, swear at eachother, but would never let go off each other for any reason in that case. I was surprised myself with the girl's reaction. I might sound like a stereotype now, but I have had girl friends call me and let go off tears because all they have wanted is something serious or a commitment, and all they got was heartbreaks and betrayal. But why is it that when they do get it, they choose to run away from it? The spark is missing? Agreed that the spark is missing, but do you really think any relationship you are going to have is bound to have the spark always? Are you looking for a spark? Think about how it feels when you meet this friend. Think about the times you have spent laughing with them, think about the times they have had your back when you needed them. If reliability, trust and love is not what sparks you, I don't know what will. If it's lust you are looking for, go ahead and let go off your friend because they honestly deserve someone better.

I am all in for a relationship where there is understanding, where you know no matter what, you can handle being tortured and irritated by someone, yet would not be able to find a replacement for them. That's who you should realize is what you are looking for.

The next flaw, I think I have found in most people these days, is calling your friend a perfect package. No, do not do that. That brings their hopes up and you know who they would want to date the very next minute? You. Any person who thinks you are perfect is going to be someone you would want to be with. It is not going to help if you tell someone, that their girlfriend/boyfriend is one lucky person, or they would be the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend and then tell them, that it is not going to be you they can be with. You are not just playing with their emotions, but you are going to bring wrath onto yourself, by saying things like that and bringing drama into the relationship.

A friendship like that is different from a relationship in only one way, which is that it is not platonic. Someone once told me, if you think you have found a friend for life, you have found a person who you genuinely love, who you think is as crazy as you. Now, would you want to spend your life with someone you think can understand you at a level, no one else can, or would you want to spend your life with someone you needs the rest of the lifetime figuring you out and tries to make you happy with superficial things? God bless you if you want the latter.

Find love in people you have a lot in common with. Be bold in making your decisions. Before you friendzone someone, just think about how it might affect your friendship with them. Let me tell you something first hand, if one person in a friendship has feelings for the other, the whole concept of a friendship between them is flawed. They are going to do all the things they can to please you, while you enjoy it, and then you are going to find someone else, date them, break up with them, and come back to this very friend of yours when you need a shoulder to cry on. Do you want to that person? Think about it. I can wait.

Thought about it? Good. Hope you are taking the right decision. Last, but not the least, please don't talk like someone who has principles where once a friend is always a friend. Only if you have feelings for someone the minute you meet them, you can date them. Don't be that person. It is not going to help you in the long run. Maybe if you are looking for an arranged marriage, this option looks solid, but even then, I would want you to get to know the person. Attraction is good, but at the expense of having to deal with loads of unwanted drama for the rest of your life? No. Find someone you are compatible with, and lead a comfortable, stress free relationship.

Kudos :)

Feeling Lost

There are going to be moments in life, where you are going to question your existence. If you haven't face them yet, good for you. But be assured that it is normal to feel that way. I have always wondered why I was brought to the world, and what my purpose in life was. These questions loom in my head mainly when I am confused about what I want to become in life and if my decision will have any consequences. It was something I couldn't really talk to anyone about and had to clear my head myself. But soon enough, I realized that it was just fear of failing that I was having these thoughts. One thing that we need to understand is that, unless we are confident about the decisions we make and fulfill them with all our hearts, we are never going to fail. But if for a second also, you think that you are doing something just because someone pushed you to it, or because someone wanted for you to be that person, you will succeed but the probability of failing increases. You need to be happy about the work that you are going to do in the future. Do not attempt to do anything that might not bring the best out of you. Love who you are and you will stop feeling lost. Learn to go across such thoughts and don't let anything hold you back. Know that you are the best at being yourself.

It is not working out

Hi Readers,

I have missed writing and I got to say that it has been quite sometime since I felt this way. I have been through situations where the phrase "It's not working out" pops up a lot. Well, most of you must be used to hearing this during break ups. But I personally am sick and tired of this reason being used for ending relationships. For me, relationships are created because they work. In sometime, if you are openly able to say that it's not working out, then you need to do some self analysis. I am not saying breaking up is wrong, some relationships are doomed from the beginning. But atleast, find a reason for why you think you two are not compatible. And, one piece of simple advice, when a relationship doesn't move in the path you want it to, just for one second atleast, think of the person who is the other half of the relationship and realize that no matter what you decide right now, will also affect them. Take in the moment, and tell yourself that you are in it, because you love that person and hiccups are always going to be there. That should not stop you from being committed to the relationship. If you fall down once from a bicycle and vow to never ride it again, you will miss the adrenaline of bike riding. Be bold enough to go ahead, and make things work instead of waiting for them to work itself out.

Teen Relationship Drama

Been a while since I wrote something. I have been seeing a lot of breakups lately, mainly because of one key reason, Parents. Well, I am sure our parents mean the world to us but, get a grip you guys. They are not going to have to spend a lifetime with someone. It is high time, people realize that. There are two simple ways of having a relationship with someone, one where you know there is no future and you both are open to having fun for sometime and two, where you both want a future and are ready to face any obstacle together. But if a relationships goes to a new scenario, well that's your cue to fleeing the scene. Every once in a while, I get emotional and think that having fun with someone in a relationships means that we can have a good future together, but up until she is in it too, I can come off too strong and look like a serious maniac. It is all about knowing where you are and who you are, what you want to be and who you want to be with. Teenagers think they know who their parents would choose, sometimes we cite caste as an issue, sometimes it is the career of the other person, etc. But ultimately, trust me it all comes down to the person who is citing these reasons. If someone really wants to be with you, they will. Key note to remember, it is rather better to end things with someone rather than keeping them hanging to you. Yeah, maybe someone likes a bit of attention of being someone's center, but once the other person realizes that, you could come off as a real bad person and trust me, every little thing you do has a consequence, quoting the Butterfly effect. Think about it, as this is something to dwell upon. It is easy for anyone being a dumper, but what goes around comes around, and someday when you are the dumped one, you might regret having to go through it. Love is just a word, with the way it is used these days. Neither does it have meaning, nor does it invoke a special feeling. Yes, things have changed. 

Motivation Required

Motivation can play a big role at times in a person's life. How you might all know. But little do people realize that even a small compliment can go a long way. Let us look at a small example. I was at a point in my life where I almost thought I had no friends. It is all because I was ridiculed at the way I lived my life by my friends and none of them showed up when I actually needed them. I was in my teens and I did not realize that what I was doing wrong. But it didn’t feel nice to be in that situation. All I wanted was to sleep and never wake up. Or maybe walk up to a hill and scream my lungs out. I had almost given up when I got a text from a long lost friend who I had not talked to for a long span of time. She asked me how I was and without thinking twice I broke down and told her how I felt because I literally wanted someone to let me pour my heart out to them. She was a good listener, she let me say everything I had to and then gave me a piece of advice that I will always remember. She told me that it shouldn’t matter to me what the world thinks. People talk shit about celebrities and if someone is actually spending time to talk about me, I should instead feel happy and feel like a celebrity. That one small piece of advice changed my attitude towards everything. It wasn’t really a compliment but it made me realize that it didn’t make any changes to who I was that someone was talking ill about me. I don’t talk to her now but she left a little piece of her in the form of a motivation to me. So if you ever think someone is sad or depressed because of something happening in their life. Go ahead and put yourself in their shoes and think of how you would handle that situation better and without any hesitation, help that person. Who knows, maybe you leave a part of your life with them too. 

Choosing a Career Path

Choosing A Career Path

One of the biggest problems for teenagers is to choose a career path. I know a lot of teenagers have a career in mind, but trust 90% teenagers do not follow the path they had in mind. I grew up wanting to be a chef, yeah I know it sounds different but I am proud of it. But sadly I didn't pursue it. Why? Well, because of the given few reasons,
1. Peer Pressure of Not Screwing Up with a bad decision.
2. Society manipulations.
3. Having a role model in a different field.
I don't regret choosing the path I am on now. But there have been days when I feel like I would have done better being in hotel management. Teens out there, it is pretty simple that we don't always get what we want. But I have seen people taking bad decisions and taking bad career paths, but they make the best out of it. That is because we have to live with what we chose. We can never blame someone else for what we chose. We are not robots who can say that they were controlled by their master. Some of us might say that our parents are to blame, but I do not count that in too. Parents ultimately are on our side, if we know what we are choosing. I am not encouraging teens to choose very stupid paths and ruin your lives but choose sensibly and be happy in field that you are. And you will ultimate love being in it. It will bring the best out in you.

Can Love Be Re-Kindled?

Re-kindle love

Love is not something that is bought. It is something you feel towards someone. Can’t that happen twice? Sure it can. Not twice, not thrice but many times. I know Indians generally are easily attached to a person. It is hard to going from being someone’s center to being ignored by that person. It is hard to think that you loved someone and this is what you get in return. But that doesn’t mean you stop yourself from feeling that love again for someone else. Each person is different and cannot be judged with their cover and so cant we. Being reserved and narrow with how you are treating people ahead will in turn affect you and not the one who you lost. Rekindling love is pretty tough, but being able to trust someone again will help you regain self confidence. Won’t it? Don’t give up on your feelings so quickly. Don’t give up on yourself too. Trust your instincts and even if they are wrong, don’t break down. Instead stand tall because someone is going to be the lucky person. Love yourself and you will see people loving you for it.

I am going through something like this. I chose to write about this phase because someone I know fell for the wrong person. They got cheated on. But I was pretty clear when I spoke to him/her that it happened for one and only one reason; for him/her to grow and understand people better, and not for him/her to be gloomy all day and ruin their happiness because of one such prick. Love is eternal, but relationships aren’t. Don’t treat them as one and you will understand the physics behind it.  

Concept of Prototyping In Life

Prototype

This might be a vague topic but what lies beneath it is what I am trying to tell you, readers. A prototype is a work model that is used as a demo for checking if it can be made as the original. Our goal as a teenager must be very clear. Once that is done, making ourselves the prototype of who we want to be in the future will help us achieve that goal very easily. The only reason that I am saying this is because being prepared has helped me a lot lately. And I regret not doing it in the past. I wasn’t prepared to face what I would go through when I was in my teens. Being able to look at yourself in the future will in turn help you visualize things better and give you assistance in decision making related to your life. Try and it you might just make things right soon. It’s never too late. I realized what i was doing wrong in a stage where i could not do anything and later faltered because of it. But now i prepare myself for what is going to happen and I make sure I do it right. Being a prototype sounds weird and amusing, but spend sometime on what it really means and you might just find it realistic. 

What You Do When Asked About Your Future?

Being asked about our Future

This phase has bugged me a lot honestly. Let's face it, not all of us out there are Einstein's and Newton's to be read about in the newspaper. The society has sure been a pain in the ass with this. Yeah, I didn’t score that well in my 10^th and 12^th grade, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a frigging future. And for some reason, if they somehow find out we haven’t decided anything, they appoint themselves as our career counselors and start choosing our future plans for us. But isn’t that so sweet? Trust me, it isn’t. You sure don’t want people meddling around with your plans. I chose engineering because I knew I had a passion for this. Most of the society members I am talking about chose against letting me go to engineering and suggested various other fields. I see a lot of friends and classmates who take up fields they didn’t want and struggle. There has not been one day where I would say I took this and I regret it. I didn’t let anyone judge me and I proved them wrong by getting through what I love. College is somewhere students expect fun and friends, but don’t do it for the heck of doing it. Choose what you really want and run towards the future you planned for. 

Who Is Your Go - to - Adviser

Your Go-To Adviser

Every other person has a go to adviser who they would talk to if they need advice on anything regarding life, love, or important decisions. Usually it is either a friend or someone from your family, but some rather trust no one and go to therapists who they can be open to about anything. Your go to advisor is usually the person who knows you the most. Never say that a person knows you completely, because there is a lot to know about each of you yourselves. We are pretty emotional or too practical at different modes of life, but in such situations, don’t trust your heart or your mind, and listen to the one u trust. Making tough decisions puts us at the edge of making a mistake, but someone who doesn’t have the burden of a decision can think of a good solution to it and advise us to do the right thing. I have the privilege of providing help to a lot of friends, but sadly I have no one I can talk to about a lot of troubles I have had in my life. I trust a few who I believe are experienced in certain aspects of their lives so I ask them when it is related to those aspects. Don’t follow my path in this, trust one and not many. Know who is right and who is wrong, if you can’t decide, look for help and think of the first person who would come forward to help you and go to them for advice.