Know When To Give Up!

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are doing well. I have been away for quite a while and my life has progressed so much from my last post. I am officially done with my master’s degree (Woot Woot!) and I am in the stage of starting my career again hopefully in the UK. Choosing this degree was a stupid choice but I don’t have any regrets because it was a challenge that I enjoyed attempting.

I am writing about a topic that is so close to my heart and a topic that I feel a lot of my readers can relate to. I want to talk about all the things that we attempt or pursue in life and how ambitious we are about getting past the finish line. Do we need to know when we should give up if we fail? If yes, how do we decide that? Is it our decision? Is it something our friends and family guide us with? Let’s talk this out.

I have had my share of bad decisions in life. It started from school, went into college, then with my career and most importantly my choice of friends and relationships. I have tried holding onto the wrong choices for a very long time not realizing that it was toxic in nature and how it affected not just me but also the people around me. I have been losing people all my life and yet I always blamed myself for them leaving. When I look back at those moments in life, I don’t regret losing them, because it has made my life better, made me stronger, made me realize that life isn’t about who leaves but it is about who stays! I am sure a lot of people will say the same about me as well. I might not have been there for someone who considered me close, or I would have left their life. I would love it if they confronted me about it and made me realize what I did. If someone does value the fact that I am a part of their life, I wouldn’t want to leave them.

Recently, a friend of mine was in a toxic relationship. One where the abuse was emotional, mental, and verbal. But for some reason, the relationship kept going on. Everyone around my friend would voice out their opinions that this is not good, and the right decision would be to end it or just give up in the belief or hope that things will get better. But it kept going without any improvement in the outcome. This is not just being stubborn, but it is about being naïve enough to not know when to give up! As much as we want things in our life the way we want them, we have got to let go when it is the right time. I was personally in a relationship where I questioned myself so much about my background, about my family, about how I could become the next ambani in life to impress my girl. But after the relationship ended, my heart gave way for my mind to work, and it showed me that I ignored so many red flags and warnings from everyone around me. I cannot blame anyone but me for what I went through, and it has damaged me for life.

I tend to cling myself onto people I am usually with in person which I agree is not a great thing to do and I am not proud of it. But when I felt lonely here in the UK, I used to think that I have friends back home. Friends I can count on, no matter what. But lately, I have come to realize that, at some point, “Always” comes with conditions attached. I kept holding on to the thought of friends for life, but little did I know that I would need to give up on that too. I have been arguing with people who say “family stays, friends don’t” because I honestly believed that friends are more supportive of us, and they give two shits about our wellbeing. But I guess I was wrong about that. All that we can do is play our part. Give up, but not too soon! Know when to give up!

Guide people around you when you see that they are stuck, stuck trying to achieve something that is not possible. Help your loved ones by being there for them when they are lost, when you know that they need you, no matter how hard it may be, be a critic in their life. Be their enemy who gives them critical comments on their decisions. It will bring them on the right path. I am known to be harsh with my loved ones. Some say I am a bully as well because I ask people to make decisions based on the advice, I give them. But little does everyone understand that my advice is usually focused on the best for the other person. I am not someone who focuses on sugar-coating tough statements. I am blunt about the stuff I believe in, and it tends to create an impression. But someone who really understands me sticks around, and if they don’t, well, I will give up!

I hope you all can relate to what I am saying!

This is me signing off!

Regards,

Aditya.

Friends in Love?

 Hey Readers,

Hope you are doing well. A lot has happened since my previous post. I have started becoming very hooked to dancing which obviously has surprised a lot of my friends and family. I don’t blame them though, I mean, come on, it’s me and dancing. They wouldn’t want me to embarrass myself *winks*. I have been losing people close to me, but also gaining some. Drama has taken over my life for the last couple of weeks and to be honest, it feels exhausting. Anyways, I will stop with the chit chat and get to what I was going to write about.

I usually like writing about Relationships, Love, and Friendship, but today I am going to mix up all of them together.

I have always wondered, can someone you call a best friend, be a good partner? This question has perplexed me to a point where I have given up on understanding people’s thoughts about it. I have always thought that friendships are purer than love, only for the simple reason that friendships never need a filter. And when you get used to knowing someone without filters, doesn’t it then get to a point where if you really are comfortable with them, feel good having them around you, want to share everything with them, that kind off love would be amazing right? Tell me I am wrong, I dare you. Well, some of you will. I have met people who have such deep-rooted thoughts that friends cannot be partners just because it ruins the sanctity of that friendship. They are worried about losing that person by screwing up the relationship. I don’t blame them for having such thoughts, but if that person really does mean so much to you, why wouldn’t you make things work to have a great life together?

Communication, that is the biggest pillar of a relationship becomes so much easier if you were friends earlier. But when a friend asks you out, the easiest answer is to say, “Oh, come on, you are a friend. I wouldn’t want to ruin what we have.” Why would that even happen? To be fair, the only difference would be that the platonic portions will be removed, but that should be something that brings you closer and not move away from each other. Yes, I agree that relationships are “serious” when you are involved with your best friend. It can never be a fling.  There are always going to be emotions attached, and those strings are going to be strong. If a guy or a girl you are close to tells you that they are okay with just having fun, turn it down right away because, that is not happening in any way. Talk to them about it and let them know that you already have too much invested in each other’s life and that will ensure that a fling doesn’t work. “What have Ted and Robin taught you if you do this?” (If you do not understand that last question, just ignore!)

I personally would want to first get to know someone as a friend before I even think about dating them. Looks can be deceiving. You can never know how someone really is, if their first intention is to try and impress you. That is one of the main reasons as to why there are so many heartbreaks. You can only blame yourself for holding on to someone toxic. I have seen and heard so many toxic relationships (been part of some too). Men demanding their partners to “Cook for them for 1 AM in the night even if the partner had a long ass day at work, asking them not to talk to other guys, ensuring that they don’t wear the clothes of their choice, asking them to change religions”. I am not saying Men are bad, don’t get me wrong. These are examples of what I have experienced in real life. If it was a friend you were dating, I genuinely think that you would have the guts to question their thoughts right away.

The biggest fear that people have when it comes to dating their best friends. Everyone thinks that people are different when they are friends, and they are different when they become a partner. I am totally agreeing to this. When the dynamic of a relationship changes, there are always additional feelings involved. You suddenly become more insecure, you start being possessive, you want to get more involved. These things happen, but, if it gets to a point where it suffocates you, I wouldn’t hesitate in calling it out or leaving that person only because that is truly who they are. Coming back to the example of a guy not telling his partner wear the clothes of her choice. I personally know someone who is so supportive of his friends and encourages them to wear the clothes of their choice, but as soon as he got a partner, you could see the chauvinistic ass in him coming out. He wouldn’t let his partner come out in anything but Indian wear. When your friends turned partners start doing shit like this, leave. That is the biggest red flag someone can wave at you.

But I prefer to look at the bright side of this beautiful relationship. Friendships that are pure and filter free lead to amazing relationships. You will feel free, independent, and have your own space when it comes to your life and having your say in the relationship. The whole 50-50 deal would work in this case. Friendships that turn into a relationship get you so close to someone that their memories and the feelings for them last a lifetime and if that is not love, I don’t know what is. Arranged Marriages are fine, you can get your “conditioned” guy/girl but try living the statement, loving someone for who they are and stick to them. If they are not good in some aspect, help them get better. They are in the end a friend.

I would love for the readers to tell me how they feel about this. Maybe you all have a different view, and I am not against it, but I would want to talk to you and try to understand your view about it. But if you agree with my views, cheers to that!

Until next time,

Aditya.

Love That You Want But Can't Get

 

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are all doing well. It has been a while since I wrote a blog post. Life has taken a big turn in terms of where I was when I wrote my last blog post and where I am today. As I write this, I can only take a deep breath of relief as I am officially done with my first term of Uni in the United Kingdom. Feels good saying that since it has been a rollercoaster ride, nonetheless.

I was wondering what I could write about since this blog predominantly focuses on how it feels to be a teenager. Well, today I will write about something that turns us all into teenagers (Immature ones sometimes) – Love that we want but know that it will never work in our favor. This is a special one. A blast from the past.

Sounds scary but is such a beautiful feeling. I still remember the first night I met her. I didn’t have a clue about who she was, how she looked, how she would be. But I can only thank my stars that I met her that night. It was not for long, but a brief meeting that would trigger the beginning of a story that does not end well (Sorry for spoiling it so early in the story).

We talked and talked for hours, spent time getting to know about our past, our lives, our present and about what we wanted in our future. Every little thing she said made me feel closer to her, made me want her more and more. I didn’t know what this was since I had told myself that I would not date anyone after having been burnt bad in the past. I wanted to focus on my career, and I didn’t want to be hooked to someone. I kept trying to fight this feeling away, but it had become a seed in my heart, and I could not help but get attached to her.

If I was going against what I had planned, and pursuing this girl, I had to know where this was headed. I wanted to be in a committed relationship, and I had to assess if this would work long time. There were so many factors that I could think of, to tell myself that this even if she said she liked me would not work. Being an Indian, I could not help but think of how society would react to a situation like this, how my family would react to situation like this, and obviously how her family would react (Too early to be thinking of all that, but still had to).

I decided to give it a shot even though it was headed to a heartbreak for me. Why did I think it wont work? Well, I am and have always been an overthinker and I for some reason love making my life more difficult. I think it was an add on with my insecurities in life. I always thought I had too many imperfections in me. It does not help when you constantly see successful and good-looking people around you. And these kind off issues aren’t something you learn to live with, because it has dragged me down from my true potential. So, I tried my luck and like I guess, too many factors that were in the way. It broke my heart to think that it would never work because I was sure that I would be the right guy for her. She had been through so much in life and she deserved a man who loved her for her, someone who could take her to the light at the end of the tunnel. Someone who looks at her with awe in the morning, and someone who treated her like a queen. I was sure that I could be that man, but it disappointed me to know that there were factors that stopped her. I was not surprised though, since I always kept telling myself that this is not happening. I really need to work on my confidence levels. But one thing I learnt was, I would do anything for her. Call me crazy, but the love you get when you fall hard for someone is blissful. You feel happy that you were able to find so genuine in your life and you cherish every moment you have spent with them.

Now this was a situation, my heart kept asking me to come up with a solution for. She knew I liked or loved her. She knew that I was getting attached. The fact that I was getting devoted to the idea of a life with her scared her. It made her think if she should take a step back. I don’t blame her but boy, did that make me feel like a total loner.

There are days when we feel so vulnerable about our lives that we just wish that we could go back in time and change the way these events had transpired. All I could do was try to talk my way out of it. But I couldn’t. I was getting weak, because this love made me weak. I didn’t want to be in love with her because I had convinced myself that this is not happening, but I don’t know why I kept getting pulled towards her.

It is easy for us to say NO when we do not want something in life. The idea of having a partner is so real to me that shutting it down has become an intense affair. I don’t want to be someone who chases behind a girl. I don’t want to be someone who breaks down when life throws rocks on my path. I just had to remind myself that I was good if not great, the way I was. All I had to do was wake up and try to be a better version of myself one day at a time. And if someone does not get that, well, it is their loss.

I told myself that I cannot predict the future. I do not know if I will meet someone organically, fall in love and want to spend the rest of my life with them, but what I do know is I have to be with someone who appreciates the fact that I am in their life. I don’t know if you all have been through something like this, but it does take a toll on your self-confidence. It does make you wish that you had better circumstances in life to avoid the factors that cause issues later. But, the bright side is, it is not on you. You are amazing just the way you are. Judge yourself based on the growth you are giving your physical and mental health.

Talk to someone you trust about your feelings because they are valid, because it will make you feel lighter. Remind yourself everyday that you are good enough and you deserve the best in life too. Don’t stress about what you don’t have and cherish what you have. Feelings will come and go but if you are genuine with how you feel, you will always find the silver lining. If somebody does not want to be a part of your life, be gracious and let them go. That way, it saves you the hurt and saves them the guilt. I know this is easier said than done. I can vouch for that firsthand. But it helps. Stay loyal to yourself before you are loyal to the other person.

Stay blessed everyone!

 

Love,

Aditya.

Suicide - Let's Talk About It

Hi Readers,

My hands are trembling as I begin to write this article. The stuff I write today is heartfelt, dark and criticizing the world as we know it. Anyone who is not tolerant enough to take it, please do not read the rest of the article.

I was born in a rich family that saw a lot of poverty soon after my birth due to some losses my dad faced in his business. It was a tough time for the entire family, but we got through it as one. My parents were in debt but somehow managed to get my siblings’ education completed on time for them to take up the responsibility of the family. And they did so in great style.

Gradually, it became evident that the storm in our life had passed and we were in clear waters. But many a time, I have felt that my financial status,-let me rephrase that, my family’s financial status made me an Outcast in a crowd filled with kids having filthy rich parents. The attitude that these kids had, despite being teenagers, was crazy. I tried a lot to be a part of their world, albeit at the expense of torturing my family to get me a bike, a car and what not. I didn’t realize that all of this will not endure for long. In trying to be a part of this, I turned into a monstrous version of myself. Lies, Pride, Ego and Attitude took over me like a leech stuck on us. It overshadowed any good that I would do.

Then 2 years later, I graduated and realized I didn’t have any friends. I had taken my old friends for granted, pissed them off, laughed them out of my life and the new “friends” I thought never really considered me a part of their life. I was just an outsider pretending to be someone in their world. It made me feel very low. I could not go back to the way I was 2 years ago, but I had to find a way forward. I spoke to a few of my old friends and tried to make amends. In short, I tried to turn over a new leaf. Life changed for the good gradually. Although I lost and gained people from time to time, I had stopped caring about it since I had set a goal in my mind and was working towards it. Love, Betrayal, Trust, Friendship were some of the words that were being thrown around so easily as years passed. But one word that was missing from my life was ‘peace’.

I wanted peace. Freedom from the thought that I was feeling left out; freedom from the thought that I was constantly being hated by someone; freedom from the thought I was constantly being judged for who I am; freedom from the thought that I was constantly being stereotyped for where I am from. I wanted to kill myself to find peace. Yes, you read that right. I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF. There have been days when I thought of “popping” a few pills and escape this world. There have been days when I have taken a knife to cut vegetables and felt like stabbing myself with it. There have been days when I have felt like intentionally running into a bus. But I always brought myself back to my senses. I realized that I had people who loved me, and it would not be fair for them if I did something like this. I would find peace, but I would take away theirs. My parents, my friends, my colleagues, anyone who contributed in making me smile would be devastated. But what would I do about this constant feeling of restlessness, this mental stress I had? I had no answer.

No, I am not writing this because of a celebrity committing suicide. No, I am not writing this to gain sympathy from any of you who is reading this. I am writing this because I, too, have lost people to this dreadful affliction. I have seen people cry and wish that they had been there for their loved ones before they committed suicide. And it made me think as to what agents we surround ourselves with that cause mental stress.

Parental pressure of getting married, parental pressure of scoring high marks, society pressuring us into getting married, having kids, scoring more marks, getting a good job, studying abroad. It doesn’t matter who can do what, if they do what we ask them to do. We live in a world where parents clap when we hit a six, call us their little “Sachin”, but discourage us if we want to pursue a sports career like Sachin. We live in a world where parents forbid girls from talking to guys, because they might coerce you and “deflower” you, but they are the same people who will force you to marry someone they pick and ask you to sleep with him and bear a child!!! We live in a world where we loathe people with money because they have an attitude and don’t mingle with us, but we are the same people who ill -treat our maids and watchmen. We live in a world, where a girl is judged with the blood she releases on the night of her wedding, and we live in a world, where social media is a place of more hatred and less love. We live in a world where we hide behind mobile/computer screens and spread hate in the form of comments, likes etc. and we are the same people who wish we can be like the people we shed hatred on. We don’t want our kids to be ridiculed for being dark, but when we search for a groom/bride, we want a “fair” person. Hypocrisy has become the ruler of all problems.

In a world like this, why wouldn’t one want to commit suicide? How much emotional stability do we expect the human mind to have? We care so much about our physical health, but never talk about our mental health. Why? The answer is simple. The minute we need a therapist; we have gone “cuckoo” for the world. For once, realize that anything you say be it on social media, or in person, it affects the other person too. If not physically, it does so mentally. It breaks them down. It eats up their thoughts and pushes them towards depression. Empathy is not a word; it is an emotion. Realize that humanity is more important than anything you have with you. You can have all the money in the world, the best job, the best clothes, but if you are not able to make people around you happy, none of it matters.

I hope everyone will be able to relate to this article, because we live in a world where everyone at some point is an outsider. The feeling of togetherness has left this life of ours. We no longer live in a world that is welcoming. We live in a world where walls, guns and words are the biggest weapon. Yes, I said words. Deal with it.

Be welcoming to anything and anyone. Forget the past, grow up and see that everyone makes mistakes, but they might be doing it because they are troubled. Forgive them and talk to them. Go back to people who left, hold on to them, tell them it is going to be alright. Spread love and notice the change. It begins with you.

With love,

Aditya.

What I learnt about the People in my Country in the Past One Year

Hey Readers.

Been a while since I let out my feelings, and in that period, I have learnt so much and grown quite a lot. Not just physically (My cute tummy) but a lot mentally. I had to take some life changing decisions. I had to get rid of a lot of stress that I was facing, and I had to basically believe in myself for me to go forward.

This article is a little heartfelt and in a lot of ways, stuff I went through in the last couple of months. I met a lot of friends, spoke to a lot of inspirational people and they helped me look at my life in a way I missed out on. A disclaimer before we go ahead, this is not for the narrow minded folks, so if you think you are one of them and won't be able to tolerate my complaints, don't hesitate and close your browser.

The circle of life as they call it, can sometimes be baffling. I am advocating the whole “what goes around comes around”. We get what we deserve because of the things we did in our past. Personally, I screwed up a lot in the past and I get the reward for being an ass from time to time. I have no shame in accepting that I was one but changing over a new leaf is something I genuinely believe in. I have been on a quest of making things right from my past and so far, it has helped me take off the stress in my life. But in doing so, I learnt a lot about our country and how society has affected us and our decision making. I truly felt disgusted with the way we, the society are failing ourselves. I thought to myself that I would love to write about this and see if people could relate to what I felt.

A friend of mine who is in her 30’s wanted to be an independent woman as she grew up. I commend her dedication towards her career and I was in the impression, that someone like her who is so mature and dedicated would be a catch for men, but instead she is ridiculed in the society for her age and not being married. I am perplexed as to why a woman who chooses to marry late is considered a woman with issues, where as a man who wants to marry late is commended since he cares about getting stable financially or to stabilize his career.

A friend of mine who loved this girl, truly wished to get married to her. He loved her more than anything in the world and decided that she is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Hard find right? But guess what, she dumped him for she didn’t think her parents would agree to her getting married to a guy who doesn’t have a financial background as good as them. The guy promised the girl that he would get strong financially and all he needed was time. She promised him the time he needed but ended up dumping him later. I didn’t think the girl was to blame completely, but in our country, parents don’t really care about how well or stable a guy can be, but how much property or what not, his parents or him own. Well, to anyone who has that kind off mentality, all I can say is Sayonara Sweetheart.

I think as the new generation, we owe it to our parents to teach them everything that they did wrong in the name of tradition instead of wanting to follow anything that they said. I have seen people rebel in front of the world, but again, when it came to their parents, they would just dial down. I know we ought to love our parents (no choice there!) but I would at the least argue with them to help them realize that just because something is a tradition, it doesn’t need to be right.

A very close friend was a victim of the above. He sucked at Mathematics, but his father was hell bent on wanting him to get a bank job (This is a different topic altogether, the weird obsession in our country for bank jobs). He was forced to take up bank exams and failed every time. He just could not muster the courage to talk to his dad and tell him, he wanted a different choice of career. He spent 2 to 3 years doing it and finally regretted his decision because he had wasted a lot of time in something he just could not do. I don’t mean to insult him, not everybody is cut out for jobs like these. That’s why we have got so many professions in the world where we can showcase what we are good at.

The last one, I have for starters, a friend of mine told me a story that gave me chills. I know we live in a country where believe it or not, caste and religion play a big role in marriages. No surprise there, but, here comes the bomb. I got to know about a few families who apparently don’t even relate themselves to other caste or religion folks as friends and restrict their kids from mingling with people who don’t belong to their “community”. I seriously hope never to get involved with such people because the reason our so called “secular” country is going to ruins is all thanks to them. Parents, relatives and society would not mind us getting married to some well settled guy from their caste but not to someone who can keep us happy and feel loved. They would rather want us to “work” on an abusive relationship but not want us to get divorced and feel free.

High time that we as a generation work towards stuff like this. Don’t say that your kids will be free to choose. You need to choose. You need to be free. Grow up mentally and talk to me if you think you can relate to what is above.

We are one as a country, but we need to be one as a community.

What do you do?

Hi Readers,

Hope you are doing well. Today has been a day where my thoughts have taken over and I can only but write about it to calm me down. I am not going to burden your eyes by making you read such deep thoughts, but only the brief of it would do for today.

I have always invited comments and thoughts from my readers and I would love it if you guys can help me resolve these thoughts that are going on in my head. I have seen that most relationships that start small and are due the long way end because of the lamest reasons. I was wondering how it happens. But what does one do in such situations? How does it start? Is insecurity behind it? Do I being a writer feel insecure about my writing? Of course, I do. Similarly, would I feel obligated to keep asking my partner if they love me to keep feeling secure. Would a joke they make about one of my flaws trigger a snap in my brain to react in a way I would not want to? Maybe, in most cases it sure does. But what do I do to prevent this? I sure have an answer. Love. When you love someone, and feel insecure about it, remember and remind yourself to not worry about how much the other person loves you. You should not stop loving them for as long as you are with them. You fell in love with the other person not because they love you back, but because you know they can make you smile even during your darkest days.

If in case, the relationship does not work out also, at least you can feel content about the fact that you gave it your all. Sometimes, your all is not enough to please someone and you can’t do anything about it. But I would think that letting go off someone should be the last option you choose. Relationships are easy to get into, but tough to maintain. And for the ones who will say, “Oh yes, that’s why we think arrange marriages are better.”, such things happen the most in arrange marriages. So, what do you do? Close your eyes and calmly think about how you can make your partner understand. Call them, ask them what the problem is, tell them you love them and that such small issues do not really matter. Done? Still the issue persists. Let your partner take some time. Let them ponder on this and wait till they come back for you. Self-analysis is always helpful. Ego is a part of every single person in the world. But in such situations, is where we need to learn to let go off our ego. If not, then think about it? Who really loses? Do you, who has given it their all, have loved, have given, have provided, have done so much lose? I don’t think so. Anyone who can’t see the fact that you have loved truly would not let go. And I believe real love stays. Fights happen, they should, since it helps you understand the likes and dislikes of the other person. Harsh reality but an optimistic way of looking at it would be this.

Now for the person who is reading this and is the one arguing. You must be angry, must be disappointed, must be expecting more from your partner, must be wanting to say so much but you think your partner would not understand. Did you try talking to them calmly? Did you try telling them how you feel about the things they do or say? No? It could be worth giving it a shot. When countries can sit down on a table and decide how to end a war, why can’t you as a couple resolve the smallest of things easily? It is your decision to think if you want to come to a resolution, or decide to use this as a weapon for the future which might provide deadly to your relationship.
I have read online that women don’t fight with you, instead they keep count and use it for a bigger fight. Honestly, I have seen men do it too and I genuinely think it is rather stupid. If you have a fight with your loved one any day, or even today when you are reading this article, call them you dumb person, and resolve it. Remind yourself about why you loved them in the first place, and ask yourself if this argument is more important than your love? Is this argument more important than your relationship? If yes, then maybe the love is done for. If no, don’t make the mistake of letting them go. Go, run, grab them and tell them you need them, tell them that the world may hate the things they do, but you don’t. Trust me when I say this, that might be the best thing you say to them.

Hope this article helps your relationship. I am open to more suggestions because I want to hear more from you. You can reach out to me on whatsapp if you have my digits, or email me on:

adicooldude.adithya@gmail.com (Yes, I used to be a cool dude back in school) *love me for my flaws*

Is it time to let go?

Hello Readers,

Happy New Year to all of you out there.

I hope the start to the year of 2019 has been blissful for you.

This New year, my focus is going to be one thing and that is the topic of my blog post too. Is it time to let go? Is it time to cut down on the sorrow in your life? I know using the word Sorrow here makes it quite vague, but the reason I am using it is because, there are a lot of factors that bring different feelings like hatred, disappointment, loneliness and all this results in sorrow. I have dealt with a lot in the last year. I have lost people I thought were close to me, and have gained haters for reasons that make no sense. But I have always been someone who tries to please the other person, and I went out of my way to make sure that the other person either doesn’t hate me or doesn’t leave my life. But in doing so, I have ended up losing my dignity, and looking weak in front of the other.

Someone once said, to forgive and forget, but recently I realized that when you let someone hurt you multiple times and forgive them, it becomes a habit for them since they now know that they wouldn’t lose you. The feeling of knowing that you are needed is like a drug. Abusing it feels very easy for everyone. I am an affectionate person and I don’t mind showing everyone around me that I need them, but I didn’t know that I was painting a target on me and I was an easy one too. 2018 taught me that I took myself for granted and that is why people took me granted. I reminded myself that I am a nice person. And that one statement changed my life. I cut down on the number of friends I had, slowly and slowly. It helped me gain self-confidence, and it also made me realize that the more number of people we know, it is hard to please everyone.

Always be with someone who would go out of their way to please you, and you should also go out of your way to please them. If it is one sided, then that is your cue to end that toxic relationship. Any relationship, where the effort feels one sided is toxic because one of you is the weaker one. I believe that a relationship (Friendship or Love) is complete, when the roles are equal. So Yes, it is time to let go. Time to let go off anyone or anything that brings the slightest of sorrow in your life. Focus on loving yourself and it will show the world that you are shying away from being alone too. Have friends and lovers, but make sure they need you as much as they do.

I am going to go ahead and call this an exercise. Make a list of people who you genuinely believe would go out of their way to please you, and then you would know the real number of friends you have. If you have a lover, you can use the same exercise. Anyone who is taking an upper hand and making you the weakling in the relationship is not a good partner. The sooner you realize it, the better it is for you. So make 2019 count, and make 2019 the year of Y-O-U!

Friend Zone (Been There, Felt that)

Hey Readers,

This topic is very close to my heart, because I have been through this, and I am certainly not proud of it. But I feel that most guys and surprisingly girls too go through this phase of being Friend Zoned. No, it is not a great feeling when you are told, that you are nothing more than a friend. Let me tell you a short story to depict how it feels.

I love you but only as a friend. Ever heard this? Ever said this? Well, if you have heard it, I feel sorry for you and if you have said this, Hello Losers, yes, you are the real losers and not the people in the Friendzone. This article is for you all to realize how it really feels and what kind of idiots you people are.

So a boy I knew was friends with a classmate of his. They had an instant connection that both of them did not notice when it happened. But, neither took a step towards love, and they were good friends. They talked to eachother all day, they would steal glances of eachother in class, when they walked in the hallway and when they would see eachother on the way to school too. Immaturity got the best of them, because either was not understanding that what this was meant to be. Sooner or later, the guy became mature and realized that this friendship was something more. It felt right, not just because they knew eachother so well, but because, the bond they had would be enough for a lifetime. He decided to talk to the girl about what he felt. This was not something special, but rather casual since that's how their conversations were. The level of comfort the two had was more than any couple could have. He told her he had been thinking about this and wanted to know if she felt the same way too. Now, was this true that the next two minutes of his life would be recorded and played by his heart again and again? Yes. It was. The girl blatantly just replied that she was just not into him. She had only seen him as a friend. She loved him, but she didn't love him (Whatever that meant).

He could not just give up on a sure thing, right? I always felt that they were meant for eachother. They would fight, argue, swear at eachother, but would never let go off each other for any reason in that case. I was surprised myself with the girl's reaction. I might sound like a stereotype now, but I have had girl friends call me and let go off tears because all they have wanted is something serious or a commitment, and all they got was heartbreaks and betrayal. But why is it that when they do get it, they choose to run away from it? The spark is missing? Agreed that the spark is missing, but do you really think any relationship you are going to have is bound to have the spark always? Are you looking for a spark? Think about how it feels when you meet this friend. Think about the times you have spent laughing with them, think about the times they have had your back when you needed them. If reliability, trust and love is not what sparks you, I don't know what will. If it's lust you are looking for, go ahead and let go off your friend because they honestly deserve someone better.

I am all in for a relationship where there is understanding, where you know no matter what, you can handle being tortured and irritated by someone, yet would not be able to find a replacement for them. That's who you should realize is what you are looking for.

The next flaw, I think I have found in most people these days, is calling your friend a perfect package. No, do not do that. That brings their hopes up and you know who they would want to date the very next minute? You. Any person who thinks you are perfect is going to be someone you would want to be with. It is not going to help if you tell someone, that their girlfriend/boyfriend is one lucky person, or they would be the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend and then tell them, that it is not going to be you they can be with. You are not just playing with their emotions, but you are going to bring wrath onto yourself, by saying things like that and bringing drama into the relationship.

A friendship like that is different from a relationship in only one way, which is that it is not platonic. Someone once told me, if you think you have found a friend for life, you have found a person who you genuinely love, who you think is as crazy as you. Now, would you want to spend your life with someone you think can understand you at a level, no one else can, or would you want to spend your life with someone you needs the rest of the lifetime figuring you out and tries to make you happy with superficial things? God bless you if you want the latter.

Find love in people you have a lot in common with. Be bold in making your decisions. Before you friendzone someone, just think about how it might affect your friendship with them. Let me tell you something first hand, if one person in a friendship has feelings for the other, the whole concept of a friendship between them is flawed. They are going to do all the things they can to please you, while you enjoy it, and then you are going to find someone else, date them, break up with them, and come back to this very friend of yours when you need a shoulder to cry on. Do you want to that person? Think about it. I can wait.

Thought about it? Good. Hope you are taking the right decision. Last, but not the least, please don't talk like someone who has principles where once a friend is always a friend. Only if you have feelings for someone the minute you meet them, you can date them. Don't be that person. It is not going to help you in the long run. Maybe if you are looking for an arranged marriage, this option looks solid, but even then, I would want you to get to know the person. Attraction is good, but at the expense of having to deal with loads of unwanted drama for the rest of your life? No. Find someone you are compatible with, and lead a comfortable, stress free relationship.

Kudos :)

The Perfect Partner

Hey Readers,

How are you doing? I am back with a very interesting topic (for some of you!) that I believe you might want to read. Few hours back, I spoke to a few people asking them how they would describe their perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. I got many different answers. Some extremely unique and some that most people look for. But one thing I noticed was everyone wanted loyalty. Kudos to that!

This experiment that I conducted for my “Research” was mainly to write this blog post. Now for anyone who is reading this, and I did not ask them, please stop reading right here and think of a few points that would contribute to your idea on the perfect girl/boyfriend. Go ahead. Do not think for a second that you do not know the answer to that. Everyone wants a partner in their life and you are not normal, if you cannot define what you look for in a person you would eventually want to marry.

Okay, now that you have thought about those points, let me tell you something. I am again dividing this into two group of readers. One who have experience in their past with relationships and the other who don’t (Fast forward to the next paragraph). For the ones who have had an experience, when you were plotting your points for the Ideal Partner, you must be thinking about someone in your head, when you said all those points. If you were negatively impacted by the person in a relationship, hit them a text or a call thanking them for making you realize what you wanted from your partner, because they have practically helped you. And if you were positively impacted by that person, and still they match the description you have, hit them a text or call them, do not hesitate when I say this, because love is a feeling, but a relationship does not work, unless you believe that they are right for you. If even for a second you thought of this person when you were describing your ideal partner, hold on to them. Do not let them go. Once bitten, twice shy.

For the readers, who do not have any experience in their past with relationship, you have set goals about what you look for in a person. Yes, I am calling them goals, because it is not easy to find love, not in the way our life works right now. But my recommendation would be to find someone who not only matches these points, but also someone who you genuinely believe is right for you. Chase the relationship, not the spark, because the spark is short lived, and you are left with the relationship. But if you chase the relationship, the spark can be kindled anytime you want. A lot of people make the grave mistake of chasing the spark and ultimately falling in a trap called their so-called relationship. You have your list of wants prepared. Just make sure, when you do meet someone who checks at least 90% of your list, you are going to try hard to make it work. This isn’t the movies, where the world unites you. You live in a country where it isn’t easy to maintain a relationship. So, try hard and don’t let go easy, because that is what counts. 

And there is more from where that came from. Stay tuned Folks :)

Why I think Insecurities are tough to handle

Hi Readers,

So I am back to reading and writing this week, as it takes my mind off things. I am sure all of you have a few things you do, when you don't want to think about what is happening with your life. But I am at a disadvantage there because reading something makes you relate your life to it, and writing something reminds you of everything that has happened in your life.

But as long as it is enthralling for you guys, I plan on doing it.
So, I have had the "pleasure" of having to feel insecure from time to time in a relationship. And no, I am talking about the kind of Insecurity where a guy feels bad for having 4 pack abs rather than a 6 pack abs. I am talking about an insecurity which someone like me would feel, where the guy has one pack of fat (Tummy) and he calls it with a name (I am just kidding! Please don't judge me.)

I was a very insecure person. I somehow managed to bring focus to my flaws and make myself feel vulnerable. And I had this weird thing, that even if I like someone slightly, and I see her talking to another guy, I decide that he is better than me. Even if he is a midget, with broken teeth and looks like a drug addict, I would want to be like him. No, this is not something I am asking you guys to do. This is a guide to who not to be in life (Me!).
But when such insecurities hit you in a relationship, it makes you suffer and start feeling needy. You constantly get the fear of being dumped soon, or either feel that you might get cheated on. And trust me guys, the feeling is not good. It did bring me to a low, because it was affecting my professional and personal life.

I am not saying that only teenagers go through this. Every single woman, man, boy or girl go through this in their day to day life. Be it a relationship, or work, or friendship. You are going to feel insecure at one point. It is not wrong to feel insecure, but it is wrong to let it ruin things for you and the other person. If you are someone who has never felt insecure in your life about anything and are rock solid that you are the best at everything that you do, I can only salute to you and say "Right on, Matey". For the others, here is where I start getting all philosophical and bore you with what you got to do in a situation of insecurity.

If you are feeling insecure, talk to someone you trust. Let them know how you are feeling. If it is in a relationship, that you feel insecure, talk to your bf/gf. Be open with them, but do not for once let them feel that it's a desperate attempt or cry for attention. You need to accept for once that you are feeling insecure that you might lose the other person. And let them know that it would genuinely help, if they did something to help you feel secure about what you have.  In my case, it did take me a while, but I finally got over my insecurities and was able to focus on the positive aspects of my life. And it made me a stronger person with each day passing. All you got to do is remember that no one is perfect. Even the best of the best are going to feel that there is someone better than them. Use your insecurity to your advantage and better yourself to be the best version of you!

It is not working out

Hi Readers,

I have missed writing and I got to say that it has been quite sometime since I felt this way. I have been through situations where the phrase "It's not working out" pops up a lot. Well, most of you must be used to hearing this during break ups. But I personally am sick and tired of this reason being used for ending relationships. For me, relationships are created because they work. In sometime, if you are openly able to say that it's not working out, then you need to do some self analysis. I am not saying breaking up is wrong, some relationships are doomed from the beginning. But atleast, find a reason for why you think you two are not compatible. And, one piece of simple advice, when a relationship doesn't move in the path you want it to, just for one second atleast, think of the person who is the other half of the relationship and realize that no matter what you decide right now, will also affect them. Take in the moment, and tell yourself that you are in it, because you love that person and hiccups are always going to be there. That should not stop you from being committed to the relationship. If you fall down once from a bicycle and vow to never ride it again, you will miss the adrenaline of bike riding. Be bold enough to go ahead, and make things work instead of waiting for them to work itself out.

Teen Relationship Drama

Been a while since I wrote something. I have been seeing a lot of breakups lately, mainly because of one key reason, Parents. Well, I am sure our parents mean the world to us but, get a grip you guys. They are not going to have to spend a lifetime with someone. It is high time, people realize that. There are two simple ways of having a relationship with someone, one where you know there is no future and you both are open to having fun for sometime and two, where you both want a future and are ready to face any obstacle together. But if a relationships goes to a new scenario, well that's your cue to fleeing the scene. Every once in a while, I get emotional and think that having fun with someone in a relationships means that we can have a good future together, but up until she is in it too, I can come off too strong and look like a serious maniac. It is all about knowing where you are and who you are, what you want to be and who you want to be with. Teenagers think they know who their parents would choose, sometimes we cite caste as an issue, sometimes it is the career of the other person, etc. But ultimately, trust me it all comes down to the person who is citing these reasons. If someone really wants to be with you, they will. Key note to remember, it is rather better to end things with someone rather than keeping them hanging to you. Yeah, maybe someone likes a bit of attention of being someone's center, but once the other person realizes that, you could come off as a real bad person and trust me, every little thing you do has a consequence, quoting the Butterfly effect. Think about it, as this is something to dwell upon. It is easy for anyone being a dumper, but what goes around comes around, and someday when you are the dumped one, you might regret having to go through it. Love is just a word, with the way it is used these days. Neither does it have meaning, nor does it invoke a special feeling. Yes, things have changed. 

Funny Indian Relationships

I am going out of my usual way of writing and putting this one article in the middle of the other posts. I was thinking to myself how funny Indian relationships can get or are. Let's see a few funny acts you see only in Indian Teens.

1. There was a time when we were only allowed 5 normal messages a day. So if you spent even two of those messages for a person, they would automatically know that they are way more important than the others.

2. There used to be a time when mobiles were a rich commodity and back then Nokia had given lover boys a chance to create their own tunes which boys would often use to impress their loved ones.

3. Indian couples have this funny way of showing they love each other. When they cannot talk to each other or send each other a message, all they do is go under the blanket and give each other missed calls. But each of them god knows how understands what the other person is trying to say.

4. For some reason Indian people find time to write their names on any wall they find. Even hills sometimes, are engraved with names of random strangers. If you want to experience something like that, take a long distance train from the south of India to the north. You will definitely see numerous hills with writing and hearts all over them.

5. It isn’t everyday you will see a rocking boat. For some reason, Indians are all for Public Display of Affection (PDA), but in a form that grosses everyone out. I almost witness a rocking boat every time I go to the beach. Find some space people, at least enough to not weird others out. 

Hope this brought back some memories for the Indian readers and new insight about Indian couples for other country folks. 

Motivation Required

Motivation can play a big role at times in a person's life. How you might all know. But little do people realize that even a small compliment can go a long way. Let us look at a small example. I was at a point in my life where I almost thought I had no friends. It is all because I was ridiculed at the way I lived my life by my friends and none of them showed up when I actually needed them. I was in my teens and I did not realize that what I was doing wrong. But it didn’t feel nice to be in that situation. All I wanted was to sleep and never wake up. Or maybe walk up to a hill and scream my lungs out. I had almost given up when I got a text from a long lost friend who I had not talked to for a long span of time. She asked me how I was and without thinking twice I broke down and told her how I felt because I literally wanted someone to let me pour my heart out to them. She was a good listener, she let me say everything I had to and then gave me a piece of advice that I will always remember. She told me that it shouldn’t matter to me what the world thinks. People talk shit about celebrities and if someone is actually spending time to talk about me, I should instead feel happy and feel like a celebrity. That one small piece of advice changed my attitude towards everything. It wasn’t really a compliment but it made me realize that it didn’t make any changes to who I was that someone was talking ill about me. I don’t talk to her now but she left a little piece of her in the form of a motivation to me. So if you ever think someone is sad or depressed because of something happening in their life. Go ahead and put yourself in their shoes and think of how you would handle that situation better and without any hesitation, help that person. Who knows, maybe you leave a part of your life with them too. 

Doing Something Crazy With Friends

DOING SOMETHING CRAZY

At some point of teenage everyone be it a girl or a guy, wants to be part of a different experience. In my case, I wanted to experience all natural disasters. For now, I have crossed off earthquake and floods. I know it sounds weird, but I am sure everyone out there has some inner desire that others find weird. I speak for all guys and girls here, because I have heard too many people say they want to do something offbeat that gives them a bag full of memories and something they can think of and smile given the guts they had to do it. But trust me, this rush that we have can lead us to trouble too. I chose to write about this phase because of what I went through. My friends and I decided to go on a trek to a place called Kurangani, and like you all even I was puzzled about what this place was. It is some hill off Bodi in Tamilnadu. Anyways, we didn't know shit about this place, yet we decided to not hire a guide given our cold pockets, and started climbing the hill ourselves. Let me add just one point, it was our first trek and we weren't equipped with water and food like we thought. We didn't know the way, so all we did was keep walking for five hours straight until we fell down to our knees and saw the sun starting to set. This was hard for us and a little scary too. I don't want to sound timid but that area was known for it's elephants. I still consider that a miracle seeing a mountain vehicle come our way only to help us come back downhill. But this was a lesson for us. This rush that we had to be controlled and planned out properly. So word of advice, follow your heart but let your mind handle the steering on it. You might end up getting the bag of memories you wanted. Cheerio!

Confrontations are TOUGH!

Confrontation

Phase I know not a lot of us have the guts to confront somebody when we need it, the basic scenarios where we need this phase is,

1. You are dumping someone.

2. You found out your bf/gf is cheating on you.

3. You screwed up with something.

Situations like these tend to get us all flustered when they happen in reality. I am going to give you a small guide on how to face these situations. Not that I am an expert with this, but all you got to do is jot down what you are going to say, never deviate from what you want and why you want to do it, and most important, realize that in the end, your happiness is what matters. Trust me, this little fact has got me past a lot of confrontations. No person is as important as forcing yourself to be part of something you are not happy with. You want to know why? It's because if you are committed to something happily, that is somehow doomed to end someday, but making it early will ease the effect. A thought to dwell upon. Ain't it?

Can Love Be Re-Kindled?

Re-kindle love

Love is not something that is bought. It is something you feel towards someone. Can’t that happen twice? Sure it can. Not twice, not thrice but many times. I know Indians generally are easily attached to a person. It is hard to going from being someone’s center to being ignored by that person. It is hard to think that you loved someone and this is what you get in return. But that doesn’t mean you stop yourself from feeling that love again for someone else. Each person is different and cannot be judged with their cover and so cant we. Being reserved and narrow with how you are treating people ahead will in turn affect you and not the one who you lost. Rekindling love is pretty tough, but being able to trust someone again will help you regain self confidence. Won’t it? Don’t give up on your feelings so quickly. Don’t give up on yourself too. Trust your instincts and even if they are wrong, don’t break down. Instead stand tall because someone is going to be the lucky person. Love yourself and you will see people loving you for it.

I am going through something like this. I chose to write about this phase because someone I know fell for the wrong person. They got cheated on. But I was pretty clear when I spoke to him/her that it happened for one and only one reason; for him/her to grow and understand people better, and not for him/her to be gloomy all day and ruin their happiness because of one such prick. Love is eternal, but relationships aren’t. Don’t treat them as one and you will understand the physics behind it.  

Concept of Prototyping In Life

Prototype

This might be a vague topic but what lies beneath it is what I am trying to tell you, readers. A prototype is a work model that is used as a demo for checking if it can be made as the original. Our goal as a teenager must be very clear. Once that is done, making ourselves the prototype of who we want to be in the future will help us achieve that goal very easily. The only reason that I am saying this is because being prepared has helped me a lot lately. And I regret not doing it in the past. I wasn’t prepared to face what I would go through when I was in my teens. Being able to look at yourself in the future will in turn help you visualize things better and give you assistance in decision making related to your life. Try and it you might just make things right soon. It’s never too late. I realized what i was doing wrong in a stage where i could not do anything and later faltered because of it. But now i prepare myself for what is going to happen and I make sure I do it right. Being a prototype sounds weird and amusing, but spend sometime on what it really means and you might just find it realistic. 

When You Are The Worst At Something

Being worst at something

One phase that I would like the readers to listen to is this. I always pride myself on being good or at least average at each and every other task. But no matter how hard we try. We are going to suck or be the worst at something. In my case, it was being an athlete. I grew up with a bunch of friends who were the best runners in my school. It sucked to be the only guy in the group who wasn’t fast. It bugged me when I saw those guys getting medals for being the best at what they do. But yeah, they were my friends and I was filled with glee when they performed well. I tried high jump, I tried long jump, and pretty much fell head over heels at both the events. But as I grew up, I realized that they must be feeling the same thing about someone else or about something that they suck at. I am just not an athlete; simple as that. I don’t have to waste my time convincing people to like me for doing something I didn’t want to do at the first place. I am good at certain things, and I would rather spend my time perfecting that.

Does Anybody Actually Love Their College?

Hate my college

This I think I would share with almost all teenagers of my generation because I keep noticing people cribbing about their college no matter how good the college is. I do admit that I am one of those cribbers but I have a good standard reason behind it. But face it; we all do know that once it is done we are going to miss college a lot. I spent four years of my life with friends who I am going to miss, teachers who I will think of every time I get praised for something I did. Everybody has their point of view on why they hate their college but I yearn to hear one person I know that says they love their college for what it is. It may be strict, it may be irritating, it may have bad remarks, but it is where you are, and like school, you are not reliving the memories of an undergrad again. I have a couple of friends who study in the best colleges of my state, yet crib about their lives being boring or their need to study too much to keep up with competition, here all I can think of is that these guys are going to be considered one of India’s best students and they have so much excuses as to not work. Precisely, all we need to do is love the place we are in, and love it for what it is. I made my peace with my college and I am going to miss this place a lot and the amazing friends I have made here.