Know When To Give Up!

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are doing well. I have been away for quite a while and my life has progressed so much from my last post. I am officially done with my master’s degree (Woot Woot!) and I am in the stage of starting my career again hopefully in the UK. Choosing this degree was a stupid choice but I don’t have any regrets because it was a challenge that I enjoyed attempting.

I am writing about a topic that is so close to my heart and a topic that I feel a lot of my readers can relate to. I want to talk about all the things that we attempt or pursue in life and how ambitious we are about getting past the finish line. Do we need to know when we should give up if we fail? If yes, how do we decide that? Is it our decision? Is it something our friends and family guide us with? Let’s talk this out.

I have had my share of bad decisions in life. It started from school, went into college, then with my career and most importantly my choice of friends and relationships. I have tried holding onto the wrong choices for a very long time not realizing that it was toxic in nature and how it affected not just me but also the people around me. I have been losing people all my life and yet I always blamed myself for them leaving. When I look back at those moments in life, I don’t regret losing them, because it has made my life better, made me stronger, made me realize that life isn’t about who leaves but it is about who stays! I am sure a lot of people will say the same about me as well. I might not have been there for someone who considered me close, or I would have left their life. I would love it if they confronted me about it and made me realize what I did. If someone does value the fact that I am a part of their life, I wouldn’t want to leave them.

Recently, a friend of mine was in a toxic relationship. One where the abuse was emotional, mental, and verbal. But for some reason, the relationship kept going on. Everyone around my friend would voice out their opinions that this is not good, and the right decision would be to end it or just give up in the belief or hope that things will get better. But it kept going without any improvement in the outcome. This is not just being stubborn, but it is about being naïve enough to not know when to give up! As much as we want things in our life the way we want them, we have got to let go when it is the right time. I was personally in a relationship where I questioned myself so much about my background, about my family, about how I could become the next ambani in life to impress my girl. But after the relationship ended, my heart gave way for my mind to work, and it showed me that I ignored so many red flags and warnings from everyone around me. I cannot blame anyone but me for what I went through, and it has damaged me for life.

I tend to cling myself onto people I am usually with in person which I agree is not a great thing to do and I am not proud of it. But when I felt lonely here in the UK, I used to think that I have friends back home. Friends I can count on, no matter what. But lately, I have come to realize that, at some point, “Always” comes with conditions attached. I kept holding on to the thought of friends for life, but little did I know that I would need to give up on that too. I have been arguing with people who say “family stays, friends don’t” because I honestly believed that friends are more supportive of us, and they give two shits about our wellbeing. But I guess I was wrong about that. All that we can do is play our part. Give up, but not too soon! Know when to give up!

Guide people around you when you see that they are stuck, stuck trying to achieve something that is not possible. Help your loved ones by being there for them when they are lost, when you know that they need you, no matter how hard it may be, be a critic in their life. Be their enemy who gives them critical comments on their decisions. It will bring them on the right path. I am known to be harsh with my loved ones. Some say I am a bully as well because I ask people to make decisions based on the advice, I give them. But little does everyone understand that my advice is usually focused on the best for the other person. I am not someone who focuses on sugar-coating tough statements. I am blunt about the stuff I believe in, and it tends to create an impression. But someone who really understands me sticks around, and if they don’t, well, I will give up!

I hope you all can relate to what I am saying!

This is me signing off!

Regards,

Aditya.

Love That You Want But Can't Get

 

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are all doing well. It has been a while since I wrote a blog post. Life has taken a big turn in terms of where I was when I wrote my last blog post and where I am today. As I write this, I can only take a deep breath of relief as I am officially done with my first term of Uni in the United Kingdom. Feels good saying that since it has been a rollercoaster ride, nonetheless.

I was wondering what I could write about since this blog predominantly focuses on how it feels to be a teenager. Well, today I will write about something that turns us all into teenagers (Immature ones sometimes) – Love that we want but know that it will never work in our favor. This is a special one. A blast from the past.

Sounds scary but is such a beautiful feeling. I still remember the first night I met her. I didn’t have a clue about who she was, how she looked, how she would be. But I can only thank my stars that I met her that night. It was not for long, but a brief meeting that would trigger the beginning of a story that does not end well (Sorry for spoiling it so early in the story).

We talked and talked for hours, spent time getting to know about our past, our lives, our present and about what we wanted in our future. Every little thing she said made me feel closer to her, made me want her more and more. I didn’t know what this was since I had told myself that I would not date anyone after having been burnt bad in the past. I wanted to focus on my career, and I didn’t want to be hooked to someone. I kept trying to fight this feeling away, but it had become a seed in my heart, and I could not help but get attached to her.

If I was going against what I had planned, and pursuing this girl, I had to know where this was headed. I wanted to be in a committed relationship, and I had to assess if this would work long time. There were so many factors that I could think of, to tell myself that this even if she said she liked me would not work. Being an Indian, I could not help but think of how society would react to a situation like this, how my family would react to situation like this, and obviously how her family would react (Too early to be thinking of all that, but still had to).

I decided to give it a shot even though it was headed to a heartbreak for me. Why did I think it wont work? Well, I am and have always been an overthinker and I for some reason love making my life more difficult. I think it was an add on with my insecurities in life. I always thought I had too many imperfections in me. It does not help when you constantly see successful and good-looking people around you. And these kind off issues aren’t something you learn to live with, because it has dragged me down from my true potential. So, I tried my luck and like I guess, too many factors that were in the way. It broke my heart to think that it would never work because I was sure that I would be the right guy for her. She had been through so much in life and she deserved a man who loved her for her, someone who could take her to the light at the end of the tunnel. Someone who looks at her with awe in the morning, and someone who treated her like a queen. I was sure that I could be that man, but it disappointed me to know that there were factors that stopped her. I was not surprised though, since I always kept telling myself that this is not happening. I really need to work on my confidence levels. But one thing I learnt was, I would do anything for her. Call me crazy, but the love you get when you fall hard for someone is blissful. You feel happy that you were able to find so genuine in your life and you cherish every moment you have spent with them.

Now this was a situation, my heart kept asking me to come up with a solution for. She knew I liked or loved her. She knew that I was getting attached. The fact that I was getting devoted to the idea of a life with her scared her. It made her think if she should take a step back. I don’t blame her but boy, did that make me feel like a total loner.

There are days when we feel so vulnerable about our lives that we just wish that we could go back in time and change the way these events had transpired. All I could do was try to talk my way out of it. But I couldn’t. I was getting weak, because this love made me weak. I didn’t want to be in love with her because I had convinced myself that this is not happening, but I don’t know why I kept getting pulled towards her.

It is easy for us to say NO when we do not want something in life. The idea of having a partner is so real to me that shutting it down has become an intense affair. I don’t want to be someone who chases behind a girl. I don’t want to be someone who breaks down when life throws rocks on my path. I just had to remind myself that I was good if not great, the way I was. All I had to do was wake up and try to be a better version of myself one day at a time. And if someone does not get that, well, it is their loss.

I told myself that I cannot predict the future. I do not know if I will meet someone organically, fall in love and want to spend the rest of my life with them, but what I do know is I have to be with someone who appreciates the fact that I am in their life. I don’t know if you all have been through something like this, but it does take a toll on your self-confidence. It does make you wish that you had better circumstances in life to avoid the factors that cause issues later. But, the bright side is, it is not on you. You are amazing just the way you are. Judge yourself based on the growth you are giving your physical and mental health.

Talk to someone you trust about your feelings because they are valid, because it will make you feel lighter. Remind yourself everyday that you are good enough and you deserve the best in life too. Don’t stress about what you don’t have and cherish what you have. Feelings will come and go but if you are genuine with how you feel, you will always find the silver lining. If somebody does not want to be a part of your life, be gracious and let them go. That way, it saves you the hurt and saves them the guilt. I know this is easier said than done. I can vouch for that firsthand. But it helps. Stay loyal to yourself before you are loyal to the other person.

Stay blessed everyone!

 

Love,

Aditya.

Funny Indian Relationships

I am going out of my usual way of writing and putting this one article in the middle of the other posts. I was thinking to myself how funny Indian relationships can get or are. Let's see a few funny acts you see only in Indian Teens.

1. There was a time when we were only allowed 5 normal messages a day. So if you spent even two of those messages for a person, they would automatically know that they are way more important than the others.

2. There used to be a time when mobiles were a rich commodity and back then Nokia had given lover boys a chance to create their own tunes which boys would often use to impress their loved ones.

3. Indian couples have this funny way of showing they love each other. When they cannot talk to each other or send each other a message, all they do is go under the blanket and give each other missed calls. But each of them god knows how understands what the other person is trying to say.

4. For some reason Indian people find time to write their names on any wall they find. Even hills sometimes, are engraved with names of random strangers. If you want to experience something like that, take a long distance train from the south of India to the north. You will definitely see numerous hills with writing and hearts all over them.

5. It isn’t everyday you will see a rocking boat. For some reason, Indians are all for Public Display of Affection (PDA), but in a form that grosses everyone out. I almost witness a rocking boat every time I go to the beach. Find some space people, at least enough to not weird others out. 

Hope this brought back some memories for the Indian readers and new insight about Indian couples for other country folks. 

Can Love Be Re-Kindled?

Re-kindle love

Love is not something that is bought. It is something you feel towards someone. Can’t that happen twice? Sure it can. Not twice, not thrice but many times. I know Indians generally are easily attached to a person. It is hard to going from being someone’s center to being ignored by that person. It is hard to think that you loved someone and this is what you get in return. But that doesn’t mean you stop yourself from feeling that love again for someone else. Each person is different and cannot be judged with their cover and so cant we. Being reserved and narrow with how you are treating people ahead will in turn affect you and not the one who you lost. Rekindling love is pretty tough, but being able to trust someone again will help you regain self confidence. Won’t it? Don’t give up on your feelings so quickly. Don’t give up on yourself too. Trust your instincts and even if they are wrong, don’t break down. Instead stand tall because someone is going to be the lucky person. Love yourself and you will see people loving you for it.

I am going through something like this. I chose to write about this phase because someone I know fell for the wrong person. They got cheated on. But I was pretty clear when I spoke to him/her that it happened for one and only one reason; for him/her to grow and understand people better, and not for him/her to be gloomy all day and ruin their happiness because of one such prick. Love is eternal, but relationships aren’t. Don’t treat them as one and you will understand the physics behind it.  

People Don't Change, Priorities Do

People Priorities

Most of the readers must have heard the saying, “people don’t change, and priorities do”. I second this saying with all my heart. I don’t think people change at all. Once a crow, is always a crow. But their priorities might change from time to time. You should never let someone show you your importance. Their actions speak for themselves. Long distance friendships and relationships don’t work they say. I think they do unless you are prone to changing your priorities or the other person is. If you are important to someone, no matter how much the distance or the time, you will stay important. If someone says they didn’t have time to talk to you, I say use the chance and get the hell out of there. No one has the time for anyone. If someone is important to you, make time for them.  Setting our priorities straight is a tough one in teenage. If someone is telling you that they need time to work things off with their career or anything personal, I am sure they might be honest about it, but if you are going to wait for them sincerely, atleast see to it that your waiting is worth it. Make sure that the other person is really working towards it. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t deserve enough of you. Remember that you are a unique person and no one else is like you. Love yourself and set your priorities straight.