Know When To Give Up!

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are doing well. I have been away for quite a while and my life has progressed so much from my last post. I am officially done with my master’s degree (Woot Woot!) and I am in the stage of starting my career again hopefully in the UK. Choosing this degree was a stupid choice but I don’t have any regrets because it was a challenge that I enjoyed attempting.

I am writing about a topic that is so close to my heart and a topic that I feel a lot of my readers can relate to. I want to talk about all the things that we attempt or pursue in life and how ambitious we are about getting past the finish line. Do we need to know when we should give up if we fail? If yes, how do we decide that? Is it our decision? Is it something our friends and family guide us with? Let’s talk this out.

I have had my share of bad decisions in life. It started from school, went into college, then with my career and most importantly my choice of friends and relationships. I have tried holding onto the wrong choices for a very long time not realizing that it was toxic in nature and how it affected not just me but also the people around me. I have been losing people all my life and yet I always blamed myself for them leaving. When I look back at those moments in life, I don’t regret losing them, because it has made my life better, made me stronger, made me realize that life isn’t about who leaves but it is about who stays! I am sure a lot of people will say the same about me as well. I might not have been there for someone who considered me close, or I would have left their life. I would love it if they confronted me about it and made me realize what I did. If someone does value the fact that I am a part of their life, I wouldn’t want to leave them.

Recently, a friend of mine was in a toxic relationship. One where the abuse was emotional, mental, and verbal. But for some reason, the relationship kept going on. Everyone around my friend would voice out their opinions that this is not good, and the right decision would be to end it or just give up in the belief or hope that things will get better. But it kept going without any improvement in the outcome. This is not just being stubborn, but it is about being naïve enough to not know when to give up! As much as we want things in our life the way we want them, we have got to let go when it is the right time. I was personally in a relationship where I questioned myself so much about my background, about my family, about how I could become the next ambani in life to impress my girl. But after the relationship ended, my heart gave way for my mind to work, and it showed me that I ignored so many red flags and warnings from everyone around me. I cannot blame anyone but me for what I went through, and it has damaged me for life.

I tend to cling myself onto people I am usually with in person which I agree is not a great thing to do and I am not proud of it. But when I felt lonely here in the UK, I used to think that I have friends back home. Friends I can count on, no matter what. But lately, I have come to realize that, at some point, “Always” comes with conditions attached. I kept holding on to the thought of friends for life, but little did I know that I would need to give up on that too. I have been arguing with people who say “family stays, friends don’t” because I honestly believed that friends are more supportive of us, and they give two shits about our wellbeing. But I guess I was wrong about that. All that we can do is play our part. Give up, but not too soon! Know when to give up!

Guide people around you when you see that they are stuck, stuck trying to achieve something that is not possible. Help your loved ones by being there for them when they are lost, when you know that they need you, no matter how hard it may be, be a critic in their life. Be their enemy who gives them critical comments on their decisions. It will bring them on the right path. I am known to be harsh with my loved ones. Some say I am a bully as well because I ask people to make decisions based on the advice, I give them. But little does everyone understand that my advice is usually focused on the best for the other person. I am not someone who focuses on sugar-coating tough statements. I am blunt about the stuff I believe in, and it tends to create an impression. But someone who really understands me sticks around, and if they don’t, well, I will give up!

I hope you all can relate to what I am saying!

This is me signing off!

Regards,

Aditya.

Love That You Want But Can't Get

 

Hey Readers,

 

Hope you are all doing well. It has been a while since I wrote a blog post. Life has taken a big turn in terms of where I was when I wrote my last blog post and where I am today. As I write this, I can only take a deep breath of relief as I am officially done with my first term of Uni in the United Kingdom. Feels good saying that since it has been a rollercoaster ride, nonetheless.

I was wondering what I could write about since this blog predominantly focuses on how it feels to be a teenager. Well, today I will write about something that turns us all into teenagers (Immature ones sometimes) – Love that we want but know that it will never work in our favor. This is a special one. A blast from the past.

Sounds scary but is such a beautiful feeling. I still remember the first night I met her. I didn’t have a clue about who she was, how she looked, how she would be. But I can only thank my stars that I met her that night. It was not for long, but a brief meeting that would trigger the beginning of a story that does not end well (Sorry for spoiling it so early in the story).

We talked and talked for hours, spent time getting to know about our past, our lives, our present and about what we wanted in our future. Every little thing she said made me feel closer to her, made me want her more and more. I didn’t know what this was since I had told myself that I would not date anyone after having been burnt bad in the past. I wanted to focus on my career, and I didn’t want to be hooked to someone. I kept trying to fight this feeling away, but it had become a seed in my heart, and I could not help but get attached to her.

If I was going against what I had planned, and pursuing this girl, I had to know where this was headed. I wanted to be in a committed relationship, and I had to assess if this would work long time. There were so many factors that I could think of, to tell myself that this even if she said she liked me would not work. Being an Indian, I could not help but think of how society would react to a situation like this, how my family would react to situation like this, and obviously how her family would react (Too early to be thinking of all that, but still had to).

I decided to give it a shot even though it was headed to a heartbreak for me. Why did I think it wont work? Well, I am and have always been an overthinker and I for some reason love making my life more difficult. I think it was an add on with my insecurities in life. I always thought I had too many imperfections in me. It does not help when you constantly see successful and good-looking people around you. And these kind off issues aren’t something you learn to live with, because it has dragged me down from my true potential. So, I tried my luck and like I guess, too many factors that were in the way. It broke my heart to think that it would never work because I was sure that I would be the right guy for her. She had been through so much in life and she deserved a man who loved her for her, someone who could take her to the light at the end of the tunnel. Someone who looks at her with awe in the morning, and someone who treated her like a queen. I was sure that I could be that man, but it disappointed me to know that there were factors that stopped her. I was not surprised though, since I always kept telling myself that this is not happening. I really need to work on my confidence levels. But one thing I learnt was, I would do anything for her. Call me crazy, but the love you get when you fall hard for someone is blissful. You feel happy that you were able to find so genuine in your life and you cherish every moment you have spent with them.

Now this was a situation, my heart kept asking me to come up with a solution for. She knew I liked or loved her. She knew that I was getting attached. The fact that I was getting devoted to the idea of a life with her scared her. It made her think if she should take a step back. I don’t blame her but boy, did that make me feel like a total loner.

There are days when we feel so vulnerable about our lives that we just wish that we could go back in time and change the way these events had transpired. All I could do was try to talk my way out of it. But I couldn’t. I was getting weak, because this love made me weak. I didn’t want to be in love with her because I had convinced myself that this is not happening, but I don’t know why I kept getting pulled towards her.

It is easy for us to say NO when we do not want something in life. The idea of having a partner is so real to me that shutting it down has become an intense affair. I don’t want to be someone who chases behind a girl. I don’t want to be someone who breaks down when life throws rocks on my path. I just had to remind myself that I was good if not great, the way I was. All I had to do was wake up and try to be a better version of myself one day at a time. And if someone does not get that, well, it is their loss.

I told myself that I cannot predict the future. I do not know if I will meet someone organically, fall in love and want to spend the rest of my life with them, but what I do know is I have to be with someone who appreciates the fact that I am in their life. I don’t know if you all have been through something like this, but it does take a toll on your self-confidence. It does make you wish that you had better circumstances in life to avoid the factors that cause issues later. But, the bright side is, it is not on you. You are amazing just the way you are. Judge yourself based on the growth you are giving your physical and mental health.

Talk to someone you trust about your feelings because they are valid, because it will make you feel lighter. Remind yourself everyday that you are good enough and you deserve the best in life too. Don’t stress about what you don’t have and cherish what you have. Feelings will come and go but if you are genuine with how you feel, you will always find the silver lining. If somebody does not want to be a part of your life, be gracious and let them go. That way, it saves you the hurt and saves them the guilt. I know this is easier said than done. I can vouch for that firsthand. But it helps. Stay loyal to yourself before you are loyal to the other person.

Stay blessed everyone!

 

Love,

Aditya.

Suicide - Let's Talk About It

Hi Readers,

My hands are trembling as I begin to write this article. The stuff I write today is heartfelt, dark and criticizing the world as we know it. Anyone who is not tolerant enough to take it, please do not read the rest of the article.

I was born in a rich family that saw a lot of poverty soon after my birth due to some losses my dad faced in his business. It was a tough time for the entire family, but we got through it as one. My parents were in debt but somehow managed to get my siblings’ education completed on time for them to take up the responsibility of the family. And they did so in great style.

Gradually, it became evident that the storm in our life had passed and we were in clear waters. But many a time, I have felt that my financial status,-let me rephrase that, my family’s financial status made me an Outcast in a crowd filled with kids having filthy rich parents. The attitude that these kids had, despite being teenagers, was crazy. I tried a lot to be a part of their world, albeit at the expense of torturing my family to get me a bike, a car and what not. I didn’t realize that all of this will not endure for long. In trying to be a part of this, I turned into a monstrous version of myself. Lies, Pride, Ego and Attitude took over me like a leech stuck on us. It overshadowed any good that I would do.

Then 2 years later, I graduated and realized I didn’t have any friends. I had taken my old friends for granted, pissed them off, laughed them out of my life and the new “friends” I thought never really considered me a part of their life. I was just an outsider pretending to be someone in their world. It made me feel very low. I could not go back to the way I was 2 years ago, but I had to find a way forward. I spoke to a few of my old friends and tried to make amends. In short, I tried to turn over a new leaf. Life changed for the good gradually. Although I lost and gained people from time to time, I had stopped caring about it since I had set a goal in my mind and was working towards it. Love, Betrayal, Trust, Friendship were some of the words that were being thrown around so easily as years passed. But one word that was missing from my life was ‘peace’.

I wanted peace. Freedom from the thought that I was feeling left out; freedom from the thought that I was constantly being hated by someone; freedom from the thought I was constantly being judged for who I am; freedom from the thought that I was constantly being stereotyped for where I am from. I wanted to kill myself to find peace. Yes, you read that right. I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF. There have been days when I thought of “popping” a few pills and escape this world. There have been days when I have taken a knife to cut vegetables and felt like stabbing myself with it. There have been days when I have felt like intentionally running into a bus. But I always brought myself back to my senses. I realized that I had people who loved me, and it would not be fair for them if I did something like this. I would find peace, but I would take away theirs. My parents, my friends, my colleagues, anyone who contributed in making me smile would be devastated. But what would I do about this constant feeling of restlessness, this mental stress I had? I had no answer.

No, I am not writing this because of a celebrity committing suicide. No, I am not writing this to gain sympathy from any of you who is reading this. I am writing this because I, too, have lost people to this dreadful affliction. I have seen people cry and wish that they had been there for their loved ones before they committed suicide. And it made me think as to what agents we surround ourselves with that cause mental stress.

Parental pressure of getting married, parental pressure of scoring high marks, society pressuring us into getting married, having kids, scoring more marks, getting a good job, studying abroad. It doesn’t matter who can do what, if they do what we ask them to do. We live in a world where parents clap when we hit a six, call us their little “Sachin”, but discourage us if we want to pursue a sports career like Sachin. We live in a world where parents forbid girls from talking to guys, because they might coerce you and “deflower” you, but they are the same people who will force you to marry someone they pick and ask you to sleep with him and bear a child!!! We live in a world where we loathe people with money because they have an attitude and don’t mingle with us, but we are the same people who ill -treat our maids and watchmen. We live in a world, where a girl is judged with the blood she releases on the night of her wedding, and we live in a world, where social media is a place of more hatred and less love. We live in a world where we hide behind mobile/computer screens and spread hate in the form of comments, likes etc. and we are the same people who wish we can be like the people we shed hatred on. We don’t want our kids to be ridiculed for being dark, but when we search for a groom/bride, we want a “fair” person. Hypocrisy has become the ruler of all problems.

In a world like this, why wouldn’t one want to commit suicide? How much emotional stability do we expect the human mind to have? We care so much about our physical health, but never talk about our mental health. Why? The answer is simple. The minute we need a therapist; we have gone “cuckoo” for the world. For once, realize that anything you say be it on social media, or in person, it affects the other person too. If not physically, it does so mentally. It breaks them down. It eats up their thoughts and pushes them towards depression. Empathy is not a word; it is an emotion. Realize that humanity is more important than anything you have with you. You can have all the money in the world, the best job, the best clothes, but if you are not able to make people around you happy, none of it matters.

I hope everyone will be able to relate to this article, because we live in a world where everyone at some point is an outsider. The feeling of togetherness has left this life of ours. We no longer live in a world that is welcoming. We live in a world where walls, guns and words are the biggest weapon. Yes, I said words. Deal with it.

Be welcoming to anything and anyone. Forget the past, grow up and see that everyone makes mistakes, but they might be doing it because they are troubled. Forgive them and talk to them. Go back to people who left, hold on to them, tell them it is going to be alright. Spread love and notice the change. It begins with you.

With love,

Aditya.

What I learnt about the People in my Country in the Past One Year

Hey Readers.

Been a while since I let out my feelings, and in that period, I have learnt so much and grown quite a lot. Not just physically (My cute tummy) but a lot mentally. I had to take some life changing decisions. I had to get rid of a lot of stress that I was facing, and I had to basically believe in myself for me to go forward.

This article is a little heartfelt and in a lot of ways, stuff I went through in the last couple of months. I met a lot of friends, spoke to a lot of inspirational people and they helped me look at my life in a way I missed out on. A disclaimer before we go ahead, this is not for the narrow minded folks, so if you think you are one of them and won't be able to tolerate my complaints, don't hesitate and close your browser.

The circle of life as they call it, can sometimes be baffling. I am advocating the whole “what goes around comes around”. We get what we deserve because of the things we did in our past. Personally, I screwed up a lot in the past and I get the reward for being an ass from time to time. I have no shame in accepting that I was one but changing over a new leaf is something I genuinely believe in. I have been on a quest of making things right from my past and so far, it has helped me take off the stress in my life. But in doing so, I learnt a lot about our country and how society has affected us and our decision making. I truly felt disgusted with the way we, the society are failing ourselves. I thought to myself that I would love to write about this and see if people could relate to what I felt.

A friend of mine who is in her 30’s wanted to be an independent woman as she grew up. I commend her dedication towards her career and I was in the impression, that someone like her who is so mature and dedicated would be a catch for men, but instead she is ridiculed in the society for her age and not being married. I am perplexed as to why a woman who chooses to marry late is considered a woman with issues, where as a man who wants to marry late is commended since he cares about getting stable financially or to stabilize his career.

A friend of mine who loved this girl, truly wished to get married to her. He loved her more than anything in the world and decided that she is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Hard find right? But guess what, she dumped him for she didn’t think her parents would agree to her getting married to a guy who doesn’t have a financial background as good as them. The guy promised the girl that he would get strong financially and all he needed was time. She promised him the time he needed but ended up dumping him later. I didn’t think the girl was to blame completely, but in our country, parents don’t really care about how well or stable a guy can be, but how much property or what not, his parents or him own. Well, to anyone who has that kind off mentality, all I can say is Sayonara Sweetheart.

I think as the new generation, we owe it to our parents to teach them everything that they did wrong in the name of tradition instead of wanting to follow anything that they said. I have seen people rebel in front of the world, but again, when it came to their parents, they would just dial down. I know we ought to love our parents (no choice there!) but I would at the least argue with them to help them realize that just because something is a tradition, it doesn’t need to be right.

A very close friend was a victim of the above. He sucked at Mathematics, but his father was hell bent on wanting him to get a bank job (This is a different topic altogether, the weird obsession in our country for bank jobs). He was forced to take up bank exams and failed every time. He just could not muster the courage to talk to his dad and tell him, he wanted a different choice of career. He spent 2 to 3 years doing it and finally regretted his decision because he had wasted a lot of time in something he just could not do. I don’t mean to insult him, not everybody is cut out for jobs like these. That’s why we have got so many professions in the world where we can showcase what we are good at.

The last one, I have for starters, a friend of mine told me a story that gave me chills. I know we live in a country where believe it or not, caste and religion play a big role in marriages. No surprise there, but, here comes the bomb. I got to know about a few families who apparently don’t even relate themselves to other caste or religion folks as friends and restrict their kids from mingling with people who don’t belong to their “community”. I seriously hope never to get involved with such people because the reason our so called “secular” country is going to ruins is all thanks to them. Parents, relatives and society would not mind us getting married to some well settled guy from their caste but not to someone who can keep us happy and feel loved. They would rather want us to “work” on an abusive relationship but not want us to get divorced and feel free.

High time that we as a generation work towards stuff like this. Don’t say that your kids will be free to choose. You need to choose. You need to be free. Grow up mentally and talk to me if you think you can relate to what is above.

We are one as a country, but we need to be one as a community.

Teen Relationship Drama

Been a while since I wrote something. I have been seeing a lot of breakups lately, mainly because of one key reason, Parents. Well, I am sure our parents mean the world to us but, get a grip you guys. They are not going to have to spend a lifetime with someone. It is high time, people realize that. There are two simple ways of having a relationship with someone, one where you know there is no future and you both are open to having fun for sometime and two, where you both want a future and are ready to face any obstacle together. But if a relationships goes to a new scenario, well that's your cue to fleeing the scene. Every once in a while, I get emotional and think that having fun with someone in a relationships means that we can have a good future together, but up until she is in it too, I can come off too strong and look like a serious maniac. It is all about knowing where you are and who you are, what you want to be and who you want to be with. Teenagers think they know who their parents would choose, sometimes we cite caste as an issue, sometimes it is the career of the other person, etc. But ultimately, trust me it all comes down to the person who is citing these reasons. If someone really wants to be with you, they will. Key note to remember, it is rather better to end things with someone rather than keeping them hanging to you. Yeah, maybe someone likes a bit of attention of being someone's center, but once the other person realizes that, you could come off as a real bad person and trust me, every little thing you do has a consequence, quoting the Butterfly effect. Think about it, as this is something to dwell upon. It is easy for anyone being a dumper, but what goes around comes around, and someday when you are the dumped one, you might regret having to go through it. Love is just a word, with the way it is used these days. Neither does it have meaning, nor does it invoke a special feeling. Yes, things have changed. 

Choosing a Career Path

Choosing A Career Path

One of the biggest problems for teenagers is to choose a career path. I know a lot of teenagers have a career in mind, but trust 90% teenagers do not follow the path they had in mind. I grew up wanting to be a chef, yeah I know it sounds different but I am proud of it. But sadly I didn't pursue it. Why? Well, because of the given few reasons,
1. Peer Pressure of Not Screwing Up with a bad decision.
2. Society manipulations.
3. Having a role model in a different field.
I don't regret choosing the path I am on now. But there have been days when I feel like I would have done better being in hotel management. Teens out there, it is pretty simple that we don't always get what we want. But I have seen people taking bad decisions and taking bad career paths, but they make the best out of it. That is because we have to live with what we chose. We can never blame someone else for what we chose. We are not robots who can say that they were controlled by their master. Some of us might say that our parents are to blame, but I do not count that in too. Parents ultimately are on our side, if we know what we are choosing. I am not encouraging teens to choose very stupid paths and ruin your lives but choose sensibly and be happy in field that you are. And you will ultimate love being in it. It will bring the best out in you.

Concept of Prototyping In Life

Prototype

This might be a vague topic but what lies beneath it is what I am trying to tell you, readers. A prototype is a work model that is used as a demo for checking if it can be made as the original. Our goal as a teenager must be very clear. Once that is done, making ourselves the prototype of who we want to be in the future will help us achieve that goal very easily. The only reason that I am saying this is because being prepared has helped me a lot lately. And I regret not doing it in the past. I wasn’t prepared to face what I would go through when I was in my teens. Being able to look at yourself in the future will in turn help you visualize things better and give you assistance in decision making related to your life. Try and it you might just make things right soon. It’s never too late. I realized what i was doing wrong in a stage where i could not do anything and later faltered because of it. But now i prepare myself for what is going to happen and I make sure I do it right. Being a prototype sounds weird and amusing, but spend sometime on what it really means and you might just find it realistic. 

What You Do When Asked About Your Future?

Being asked about our Future

This phase has bugged me a lot honestly. Let's face it, not all of us out there are Einstein's and Newton's to be read about in the newspaper. The society has sure been a pain in the ass with this. Yeah, I didn’t score that well in my 10^th and 12^th grade, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a frigging future. And for some reason, if they somehow find out we haven’t decided anything, they appoint themselves as our career counselors and start choosing our future plans for us. But isn’t that so sweet? Trust me, it isn’t. You sure don’t want people meddling around with your plans. I chose engineering because I knew I had a passion for this. Most of the society members I am talking about chose against letting me go to engineering and suggested various other fields. I see a lot of friends and classmates who take up fields they didn’t want and struggle. There has not been one day where I would say I took this and I regret it. I didn’t let anyone judge me and I proved them wrong by getting through what I love. College is somewhere students expect fun and friends, but don’t do it for the heck of doing it. Choose what you really want and run towards the future you planned for. 

Loneliness At Your Advantage

Loneliness

This has to do with all the teens and adults out there who have had their share of bad days. Yes, I have had it too. Many a times, I feel like I am lonely, not because I think nobody likes me, but only because I think it won’t make a big difference to anybody’s lives if I am not around for a while. I love my room, and I love being in the dark alone in my thoughts. I lie down and go through whatever has happened in my life and it strikes me down. It hurts to think that I am not needed by most; it kills me from the inside to know that I don’t really have anyone around all the time. The world is full of selfish people and I am not judging anybody, but wouldn’t you be filled with esteem if you knew someone was selfish but for the sake of you? Being lonely for me has been the worst case scenario. It breaks down my self confidence and increases my stress level, but I don’t think I am right in my thoughts. Sometimes things don’t go my way, but being away from the world for a significant amount of times helps me regain my confidence and be back stronger. I do that by doing something that i love doing. I write when i am lonely. I think each and every one of us must have something that we do, to make us happy especially at times like this. Loneliness for me has been a pain in the ass, but it has almost made me realize that I don’t run the world, nor is the world stopping if I am not in it. Pursuing what I need in life is my path and I am facing it alone, might as well as be lonely.

How Important is Family?

Family

Family for me has come down to the sixth phase, because although family plays a vital role during teenage, it does not affect us that much when compared to the hormones that attack us during teenage. But, here goes. Not all teenagers have a good rapport with their parents. My parents are pretty cool about being in a relationship, but they advice me not to day dream about getting married and having kids and stuff. It’s nice when your mom or your dad turns into your friend. I know that most of you readers would have it that way. But certain teens go through hell with their homes. I honestly believe that there isn’t anything in the world that cannot be talked through. Parents are just scared that their kids would do something wrong. They need to be assured that you are going to be fine and all they need to do is trust you. To the guys, all I can say is, parents are only worried that you won’t do anything in life, show them once that they can trust you and you will see the change yourself. To the girls, it is not advisable to be thinking that your parents don’t love you, or expects you to sit at home doing nothing. I know that girls have to go through a lot given the situation of what the society thinks. Well, to hell with the society. Tell your parents, that you are only concerned about what your parents think about you and not the society. Tell them that you are mature enough to know what you are doing and that they should learn to trust you with your decision. It is not bad for parents to be protective of their kids, but once in a while, they need to understand what you are going through too. Don’t hide things from your parents. Instead, try talking to them about it and see how it helps them trust you.