Friends in Love?

 Hey Readers,

Hope you are doing well. A lot has happened since my previous post. I have started becoming very hooked to dancing which obviously has surprised a lot of my friends and family. I don’t blame them though, I mean, come on, it’s me and dancing. They wouldn’t want me to embarrass myself *winks*. I have been losing people close to me, but also gaining some. Drama has taken over my life for the last couple of weeks and to be honest, it feels exhausting. Anyways, I will stop with the chit chat and get to what I was going to write about.

I usually like writing about Relationships, Love, and Friendship, but today I am going to mix up all of them together.

I have always wondered, can someone you call a best friend, be a good partner? This question has perplexed me to a point where I have given up on understanding people’s thoughts about it. I have always thought that friendships are purer than love, only for the simple reason that friendships never need a filter. And when you get used to knowing someone without filters, doesn’t it then get to a point where if you really are comfortable with them, feel good having them around you, want to share everything with them, that kind off love would be amazing right? Tell me I am wrong, I dare you. Well, some of you will. I have met people who have such deep-rooted thoughts that friends cannot be partners just because it ruins the sanctity of that friendship. They are worried about losing that person by screwing up the relationship. I don’t blame them for having such thoughts, but if that person really does mean so much to you, why wouldn’t you make things work to have a great life together?

Communication, that is the biggest pillar of a relationship becomes so much easier if you were friends earlier. But when a friend asks you out, the easiest answer is to say, “Oh, come on, you are a friend. I wouldn’t want to ruin what we have.” Why would that even happen? To be fair, the only difference would be that the platonic portions will be removed, but that should be something that brings you closer and not move away from each other. Yes, I agree that relationships are “serious” when you are involved with your best friend. It can never be a fling.  There are always going to be emotions attached, and those strings are going to be strong. If a guy or a girl you are close to tells you that they are okay with just having fun, turn it down right away because, that is not happening in any way. Talk to them about it and let them know that you already have too much invested in each other’s life and that will ensure that a fling doesn’t work. “What have Ted and Robin taught you if you do this?” (If you do not understand that last question, just ignore!)

I personally would want to first get to know someone as a friend before I even think about dating them. Looks can be deceiving. You can never know how someone really is, if their first intention is to try and impress you. That is one of the main reasons as to why there are so many heartbreaks. You can only blame yourself for holding on to someone toxic. I have seen and heard so many toxic relationships (been part of some too). Men demanding their partners to “Cook for them for 1 AM in the night even if the partner had a long ass day at work, asking them not to talk to other guys, ensuring that they don’t wear the clothes of their choice, asking them to change religions”. I am not saying Men are bad, don’t get me wrong. These are examples of what I have experienced in real life. If it was a friend you were dating, I genuinely think that you would have the guts to question their thoughts right away.

The biggest fear that people have when it comes to dating their best friends. Everyone thinks that people are different when they are friends, and they are different when they become a partner. I am totally agreeing to this. When the dynamic of a relationship changes, there are always additional feelings involved. You suddenly become more insecure, you start being possessive, you want to get more involved. These things happen, but, if it gets to a point where it suffocates you, I wouldn’t hesitate in calling it out or leaving that person only because that is truly who they are. Coming back to the example of a guy not telling his partner wear the clothes of her choice. I personally know someone who is so supportive of his friends and encourages them to wear the clothes of their choice, but as soon as he got a partner, you could see the chauvinistic ass in him coming out. He wouldn’t let his partner come out in anything but Indian wear. When your friends turned partners start doing shit like this, leave. That is the biggest red flag someone can wave at you.

But I prefer to look at the bright side of this beautiful relationship. Friendships that are pure and filter free lead to amazing relationships. You will feel free, independent, and have your own space when it comes to your life and having your say in the relationship. The whole 50-50 deal would work in this case. Friendships that turn into a relationship get you so close to someone that their memories and the feelings for them last a lifetime and if that is not love, I don’t know what is. Arranged Marriages are fine, you can get your “conditioned” guy/girl but try living the statement, loving someone for who they are and stick to them. If they are not good in some aspect, help them get better. They are in the end a friend.

I would love for the readers to tell me how they feel about this. Maybe you all have a different view, and I am not against it, but I would want to talk to you and try to understand your view about it. But if you agree with my views, cheers to that!

Until next time,

Aditya.

What I learnt about the People in my Country in the Past One Year

Hey Readers.

Been a while since I let out my feelings, and in that period, I have learnt so much and grown quite a lot. Not just physically (My cute tummy) but a lot mentally. I had to take some life changing decisions. I had to get rid of a lot of stress that I was facing, and I had to basically believe in myself for me to go forward.

This article is a little heartfelt and in a lot of ways, stuff I went through in the last couple of months. I met a lot of friends, spoke to a lot of inspirational people and they helped me look at my life in a way I missed out on. A disclaimer before we go ahead, this is not for the narrow minded folks, so if you think you are one of them and won't be able to tolerate my complaints, don't hesitate and close your browser.

The circle of life as they call it, can sometimes be baffling. I am advocating the whole “what goes around comes around”. We get what we deserve because of the things we did in our past. Personally, I screwed up a lot in the past and I get the reward for being an ass from time to time. I have no shame in accepting that I was one but changing over a new leaf is something I genuinely believe in. I have been on a quest of making things right from my past and so far, it has helped me take off the stress in my life. But in doing so, I learnt a lot about our country and how society has affected us and our decision making. I truly felt disgusted with the way we, the society are failing ourselves. I thought to myself that I would love to write about this and see if people could relate to what I felt.

A friend of mine who is in her 30’s wanted to be an independent woman as she grew up. I commend her dedication towards her career and I was in the impression, that someone like her who is so mature and dedicated would be a catch for men, but instead she is ridiculed in the society for her age and not being married. I am perplexed as to why a woman who chooses to marry late is considered a woman with issues, where as a man who wants to marry late is commended since he cares about getting stable financially or to stabilize his career.

A friend of mine who loved this girl, truly wished to get married to her. He loved her more than anything in the world and decided that she is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Hard find right? But guess what, she dumped him for she didn’t think her parents would agree to her getting married to a guy who doesn’t have a financial background as good as them. The guy promised the girl that he would get strong financially and all he needed was time. She promised him the time he needed but ended up dumping him later. I didn’t think the girl was to blame completely, but in our country, parents don’t really care about how well or stable a guy can be, but how much property or what not, his parents or him own. Well, to anyone who has that kind off mentality, all I can say is Sayonara Sweetheart.

I think as the new generation, we owe it to our parents to teach them everything that they did wrong in the name of tradition instead of wanting to follow anything that they said. I have seen people rebel in front of the world, but again, when it came to their parents, they would just dial down. I know we ought to love our parents (no choice there!) but I would at the least argue with them to help them realize that just because something is a tradition, it doesn’t need to be right.

A very close friend was a victim of the above. He sucked at Mathematics, but his father was hell bent on wanting him to get a bank job (This is a different topic altogether, the weird obsession in our country for bank jobs). He was forced to take up bank exams and failed every time. He just could not muster the courage to talk to his dad and tell him, he wanted a different choice of career. He spent 2 to 3 years doing it and finally regretted his decision because he had wasted a lot of time in something he just could not do. I don’t mean to insult him, not everybody is cut out for jobs like these. That’s why we have got so many professions in the world where we can showcase what we are good at.

The last one, I have for starters, a friend of mine told me a story that gave me chills. I know we live in a country where believe it or not, caste and religion play a big role in marriages. No surprise there, but, here comes the bomb. I got to know about a few families who apparently don’t even relate themselves to other caste or religion folks as friends and restrict their kids from mingling with people who don’t belong to their “community”. I seriously hope never to get involved with such people because the reason our so called “secular” country is going to ruins is all thanks to them. Parents, relatives and society would not mind us getting married to some well settled guy from their caste but not to someone who can keep us happy and feel loved. They would rather want us to “work” on an abusive relationship but not want us to get divorced and feel free.

High time that we as a generation work towards stuff like this. Don’t say that your kids will be free to choose. You need to choose. You need to be free. Grow up mentally and talk to me if you think you can relate to what is above.

We are one as a country, but we need to be one as a community.

Feeling Lost

There are going to be moments in life, where you are going to question your existence. If you haven't face them yet, good for you. But be assured that it is normal to feel that way. I have always wondered why I was brought to the world, and what my purpose in life was. These questions loom in my head mainly when I am confused about what I want to become in life and if my decision will have any consequences. It was something I couldn't really talk to anyone about and had to clear my head myself. But soon enough, I realized that it was just fear of failing that I was having these thoughts. One thing that we need to understand is that, unless we are confident about the decisions we make and fulfill them with all our hearts, we are never going to fail. But if for a second also, you think that you are doing something just because someone pushed you to it, or because someone wanted for you to be that person, you will succeed but the probability of failing increases. You need to be happy about the work that you are going to do in the future. Do not attempt to do anything that might not bring the best out of you. Love who you are and you will stop feeling lost. Learn to go across such thoughts and don't let anything hold you back. Know that you are the best at being yourself.

Motivation Required

Motivation can play a big role at times in a person's life. How you might all know. But little do people realize that even a small compliment can go a long way. Let us look at a small example. I was at a point in my life where I almost thought I had no friends. It is all because I was ridiculed at the way I lived my life by my friends and none of them showed up when I actually needed them. I was in my teens and I did not realize that what I was doing wrong. But it didn’t feel nice to be in that situation. All I wanted was to sleep and never wake up. Or maybe walk up to a hill and scream my lungs out. I had almost given up when I got a text from a long lost friend who I had not talked to for a long span of time. She asked me how I was and without thinking twice I broke down and told her how I felt because I literally wanted someone to let me pour my heart out to them. She was a good listener, she let me say everything I had to and then gave me a piece of advice that I will always remember. She told me that it shouldn’t matter to me what the world thinks. People talk shit about celebrities and if someone is actually spending time to talk about me, I should instead feel happy and feel like a celebrity. That one small piece of advice changed my attitude towards everything. It wasn’t really a compliment but it made me realize that it didn’t make any changes to who I was that someone was talking ill about me. I don’t talk to her now but she left a little piece of her in the form of a motivation to me. So if you ever think someone is sad or depressed because of something happening in their life. Go ahead and put yourself in their shoes and think of how you would handle that situation better and without any hesitation, help that person. Who knows, maybe you leave a part of your life with them too. 

Choosing a Career Path

Choosing A Career Path

One of the biggest problems for teenagers is to choose a career path. I know a lot of teenagers have a career in mind, but trust 90% teenagers do not follow the path they had in mind. I grew up wanting to be a chef, yeah I know it sounds different but I am proud of it. But sadly I didn't pursue it. Why? Well, because of the given few reasons,
1. Peer Pressure of Not Screwing Up with a bad decision.
2. Society manipulations.
3. Having a role model in a different field.
I don't regret choosing the path I am on now. But there have been days when I feel like I would have done better being in hotel management. Teens out there, it is pretty simple that we don't always get what we want. But I have seen people taking bad decisions and taking bad career paths, but they make the best out of it. That is because we have to live with what we chose. We can never blame someone else for what we chose. We are not robots who can say that they were controlled by their master. Some of us might say that our parents are to blame, but I do not count that in too. Parents ultimately are on our side, if we know what we are choosing. I am not encouraging teens to choose very stupid paths and ruin your lives but choose sensibly and be happy in field that you are. And you will ultimate love being in it. It will bring the best out in you.

Doing Something Crazy With Friends

DOING SOMETHING CRAZY

At some point of teenage everyone be it a girl or a guy, wants to be part of a different experience. In my case, I wanted to experience all natural disasters. For now, I have crossed off earthquake and floods. I know it sounds weird, but I am sure everyone out there has some inner desire that others find weird. I speak for all guys and girls here, because I have heard too many people say they want to do something offbeat that gives them a bag full of memories and something they can think of and smile given the guts they had to do it. But trust me, this rush that we have can lead us to trouble too. I chose to write about this phase because of what I went through. My friends and I decided to go on a trek to a place called Kurangani, and like you all even I was puzzled about what this place was. It is some hill off Bodi in Tamilnadu. Anyways, we didn't know shit about this place, yet we decided to not hire a guide given our cold pockets, and started climbing the hill ourselves. Let me add just one point, it was our first trek and we weren't equipped with water and food like we thought. We didn't know the way, so all we did was keep walking for five hours straight until we fell down to our knees and saw the sun starting to set. This was hard for us and a little scary too. I don't want to sound timid but that area was known for it's elephants. I still consider that a miracle seeing a mountain vehicle come our way only to help us come back downhill. But this was a lesson for us. This rush that we had to be controlled and planned out properly. So word of advice, follow your heart but let your mind handle the steering on it. You might end up getting the bag of memories you wanted. Cheerio!

Confrontations are TOUGH!

Confrontation

Phase I know not a lot of us have the guts to confront somebody when we need it, the basic scenarios where we need this phase is,

1. You are dumping someone.

2. You found out your bf/gf is cheating on you.

3. You screwed up with something.

Situations like these tend to get us all flustered when they happen in reality. I am going to give you a small guide on how to face these situations. Not that I am an expert with this, but all you got to do is jot down what you are going to say, never deviate from what you want and why you want to do it, and most important, realize that in the end, your happiness is what matters. Trust me, this little fact has got me past a lot of confrontations. No person is as important as forcing yourself to be part of something you are not happy with. You want to know why? It's because if you are committed to something happily, that is somehow doomed to end someday, but making it early will ease the effect. A thought to dwell upon. Ain't it?

Can Love Be Re-Kindled?

Re-kindle love

Love is not something that is bought. It is something you feel towards someone. Can’t that happen twice? Sure it can. Not twice, not thrice but many times. I know Indians generally are easily attached to a person. It is hard to going from being someone’s center to being ignored by that person. It is hard to think that you loved someone and this is what you get in return. But that doesn’t mean you stop yourself from feeling that love again for someone else. Each person is different and cannot be judged with their cover and so cant we. Being reserved and narrow with how you are treating people ahead will in turn affect you and not the one who you lost. Rekindling love is pretty tough, but being able to trust someone again will help you regain self confidence. Won’t it? Don’t give up on your feelings so quickly. Don’t give up on yourself too. Trust your instincts and even if they are wrong, don’t break down. Instead stand tall because someone is going to be the lucky person. Love yourself and you will see people loving you for it.

I am going through something like this. I chose to write about this phase because someone I know fell for the wrong person. They got cheated on. But I was pretty clear when I spoke to him/her that it happened for one and only one reason; for him/her to grow and understand people better, and not for him/her to be gloomy all day and ruin their happiness because of one such prick. Love is eternal, but relationships aren’t. Don’t treat them as one and you will understand the physics behind it.  

Concept of Prototyping In Life

Prototype

This might be a vague topic but what lies beneath it is what I am trying to tell you, readers. A prototype is a work model that is used as a demo for checking if it can be made as the original. Our goal as a teenager must be very clear. Once that is done, making ourselves the prototype of who we want to be in the future will help us achieve that goal very easily. The only reason that I am saying this is because being prepared has helped me a lot lately. And I regret not doing it in the past. I wasn’t prepared to face what I would go through when I was in my teens. Being able to look at yourself in the future will in turn help you visualize things better and give you assistance in decision making related to your life. Try and it you might just make things right soon. It’s never too late. I realized what i was doing wrong in a stage where i could not do anything and later faltered because of it. But now i prepare myself for what is going to happen and I make sure I do it right. Being a prototype sounds weird and amusing, but spend sometime on what it really means and you might just find it realistic. 

What You Do When Asked About Your Future?

Being asked about our Future

This phase has bugged me a lot honestly. Let's face it, not all of us out there are Einstein's and Newton's to be read about in the newspaper. The society has sure been a pain in the ass with this. Yeah, I didn’t score that well in my 10^th and 12^th grade, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a frigging future. And for some reason, if they somehow find out we haven’t decided anything, they appoint themselves as our career counselors and start choosing our future plans for us. But isn’t that so sweet? Trust me, it isn’t. You sure don’t want people meddling around with your plans. I chose engineering because I knew I had a passion for this. Most of the society members I am talking about chose against letting me go to engineering and suggested various other fields. I see a lot of friends and classmates who take up fields they didn’t want and struggle. There has not been one day where I would say I took this and I regret it. I didn’t let anyone judge me and I proved them wrong by getting through what I love. College is somewhere students expect fun and friends, but don’t do it for the heck of doing it. Choose what you really want and run towards the future you planned for.